Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

That is currently her issue yes. But again nobody can make the Ex change. No matter how much we think his shit that is him.

So op makes other plans, doesn’t go or sadly deals with the shit ex.

It’s however not good for her children to be exposed to the abuse by their father towards their mother which brings it back to other plans or just don’t go.

Yes it’s sad but again nobody can make someone change they have to want to.

what you are saying is she needs either to abandon the idea of her ds ever getting to go on holiday, or decide to tolerate her ex and ask his help. She doesn’t have another way currently, and she’s putting herself through the dickhead exposure so her child can go away. That’s pretty heroic really.

I thought everyone agreed the ex is a twat for being a rather hands off parent and his behaviour in front of his children

Doesn’t change the fact op needs to find a way to do things without asking him for help as she knows his shit.

It’s like hitting your self with a door and keep doing it over and over expecting a different outcome. The ex is a twat today, was a twat yesterday will be a twat tomorrow. Op can only change herself not him.

Is that right? Is it , as you say, A: that she wants him when she wants him, or is it B: that she cannot take their disabled son on holiday without help transporting the equipment he needs, meaning if the boys dad can’t drive them he doesn’t get a holiday, so the op both tolerates her ex and makes the effort to do a holiday with ds, while her ex who never ever ever ever like not one single time ever takes his child on holiday heaps abuse on her head.
the facts we know are all screaming B. But whatever, you give him a good dad prize and say that disabled boy doesn’t deserve a holiday anyway and she’s a shit mum if she can’t drive as that’s why she can’t take him on holiday he’s a great dad as when he’s not abusing his ex he sometimes takes the non disabled child away and only leaves the other child behind (I wonder who looks after him when his brother gets a holiday with dad? It’s a mystery, as it couldn’t possibly be the shit mum. Surely.)

You are taking the piss expecting your ex to drive you around. Your son is out of order for calling you a bitch and you need to severely discipline him for that. You are being unreasonable by trying to suggest that you weren't getting anything from the trip when clearly you were also having a weekend away.

Yet she still wants him when she wants him

Even more reason not to ask favours and cut contact 🤷

I'm actually really surprised at some of the criticism being levelled in the OPs direction here. She's detailed abuse he's said to her in front of their eldest who seems to be turning on her too - and he's happy with that

It's not a competition on here - saying my ex doesn't do as much isn't helpful. She's being abused. She has a child with additional needs and she spent the entire car journey crying because of the abuse she was getting

Not on. I grew up in a household where my mum was regularly abused - mentally and worse. It's horrible and I have never forgotten it over 40 years on

OP - please get some proper advice - and try and put as much distance between you and him as you can - and someone needs to have a word with your teenager. He's completely out of order and your ex will be loving the way he's treating you

Don't ask him to help you again - all you'll get is grief

Did you read OP's posts the ex agreed to give them a lift, OP cannot take the train with her disabled son, she has to watch him all the time and bring a lot of equipment. She's doing what she can to give their son a holiday, there's no need for her ex to abuse her in front of the children. He should do it to make his disabled son' life a bit more enjoyable as he seems to take the eldest on holiday and does nothing for the youngest.
OP is not unreasonable.

People conveniently ignoring the abuse he's giving her.

Stop asking your ex to do things for you. Stand in your own feet and figure it out. He isn’t your husband

Your ex wants to move on on life and you seem not to be able to. Why not learn to drive and become more independent? I think he was very generous to drive you at all. As an adult you should be more self sufficient.

He sounds like an abusive twat

He sounds like a scum bag. Ignore people giving you a hard time. You don't deserve this abuse

I think you should refuse to discuss any of it with him in front of your kids. Its shocking the conversations taking place in front of them. He tells you you are a piece of shit. You say nothing. He says he is fed up up of doing shit for you. You say Oh and then talk to your child! Dont give him ammunition! And for goodness sake both of you stop engaging in this in front of your children. Poor kids

That's your opinion and you won't dictate mine. You sound very angry. She has continued this pattern on of asking her ex for lifts despite his history of speaking rudely in front of her child. So yes indeed OP is unreasonable. Evidently you want to be 1 sided here. That's on you! Like others have said he is an ex for a reason. Read the room!

It's "unnecessarily' and the OP wanted to know if she was being unreasonable to be upset when her exH made a big deal about giving her and her disabled child a lift, having agreed to it months before.

He also spoke to her like shit & let her son do the same.
She came here to vent, to be heard & to be reassured that no, she wasn't being unreasonable.
Which she wasn't.

@cloudtreecarpet presumably OP wants advice and solutions? What's your solution to OP? When 2 people split up theres no point going around the houses and exposing their eldest child to dysfunctional arguments unessaceraliy that too is a low bar....

So 2 nights a week and a lift a couple of times a year for the disabled son's benefit and she should be grateful to him?
That really is a low bar isn't it?

That's lovely. Whilst I agree with you it "should" be this way 100%. Sometimes it's not though for various reasons and you have to plan accordingly!

@cloudtreecarpet I'm sorry but I think you need to be fair here to both parties. Her ex does 2 nights a week. OP has 2/3 holidays a year and ex drives her and DC. It sounds like ex lost his rag yes but OP has continued to accept lifts instead of planning a closer holiday or using the train. He does not sound like the worst ex to me at all. OP has to accept responsibility also because she does come across as entitled!

OP can't force him to do holidays alone with his child.

My ex does far less than this in general I know it's not a race to the bottom but OP does sound like her ex isn't all bad IMO.

Why do you feel the need to be spiteful? Can't you stand for anyone to have a different opinion to you?

Please,please read the OP's updates. It really isn't that simple. At all.

Ok so your ex got himself over in a poor way. You haven't denied asking him for favours so I will assume you do put on him quite a bit. I can see how he's got himself stressed whilst you wait for a food shop. That was poorly planned it should've been booked the day before. It's quite a long drive too.

A lot of people exs wouldn't give them lifts OP despite sharing a child together. I say that as a single mum who has to do all holidays myself ex pays nothing towards them either!

Are you feeling all right?