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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

160 replies

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:00

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

OP posts:
WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 19:10

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 19:04

I didn't engage, I went into another room. I'm not going now. She's just come in calm again and showed me some work she's done. I'm going to cook tea and maybe we can have a chat about kicking off when things don't go the way she wants. I have to remind her I'm the parent and she's the child.

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Maybe you can get under a duvet on the sofa and watch a film now it’s blown over.

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 19:08

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 19:03

My 5 year did. It has gone down in family legend. I had treated him to a McDonald’s (I know, I know) and he said he wanted an apple instead. I said no he had to eat his McDonald’s first 🙈🙈 yes I know reading that back it is ridiculous! Luckily my friend was with me and broke the tension/tantrum by laughing so hard at me 🤣

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😂

EleanorReally · 12/12/2025 19:07

well done for leaving the room op

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 19:07

Parker231 · 12/12/2025 18:56

They were only allowed to open one day of the advent calendar at a time and chocolate and sweets were not readily available at home. They were a treat for special occasions.

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I never had chocolate, sweets or fizzy drinks in the house unless at Christmas or birthdays. My mother took the attitude that there were going to be 24 chocolates in the Advent calendar and she didn’t bother herself about when they were eaten. She only bought one per child per year, though.

youalright · 12/12/2025 19:06

YouBelongWithMe · 12/12/2025 18:56

I really don't think this is true?

I have three teens, one 18, one 16 and one 14.

Genuinely, hand on heart, they've never shouted or screamed at me. They've never sworn at us. We have probably had about three occasions max of leaving the room huffily and a loud closing of a door.

I don't recognise posts which seem to accept teen tantrums and huffing as the norm. I really don't think it is, it a fair reflection of most teens I know.

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Are your teens boys or girls? Lots of hormones, lots a stress, testing boundaries. People's brains don't fully develop until mid 20s and thats the impulse control part. Teens usually act this way at home to let it out as its there safe place. Its not always a bad thing even if it may feel like it.

Original poster
CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 19:04

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 18:53

I agree with this. Busy yourself on mn rather than engage with her.

Even if you did relent and let her come with you why does she think that automatically gets her sweets and treats? Would she tantrum in the shop? 🙈

Show quote history

I didn't engage, I went into another room. I'm not going now. She's just come in calm again and showed me some work she's done. I'm going to cook tea and maybe we can have a chat about kicking off when things don't go the way she wants. I have to remind her I'm the parent and she's the child.

OP posts:
IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 19:03

paintingtheroses · 12/12/2025 18:59

Uh, not at 15, no.

Even at five, I wouldn't have dared behave like that.

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My 5 year did. It has gone down in family legend. I had treated him to a McDonald’s (I know, I know) and he said he wanted an apple instead. I said no he had to eat his McDonald’s first 🙈🙈 yes I know reading that back it is ridiculous! Luckily my friend was with me and broke the tension/tantrum by laughing so hard at me 🤣

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 19:01

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:57

Thank you. And she is always praised (ever since she was a little girl) for her good manners, how lovely she is (she is), how kind and polite she is. Her best friend is the same but shouts at her mum and dad. I try not to react. I leave the room etc but in the past and now sometimes I shout back. I'm working on this, but we're all only human. I never really shouted at my parents but both me and my mum have said we wanted ou r own way as teenagers.

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I had a sweet, kind little girl who had dramatic teenage years. I was a single parent too. You have to hold the line if you’ve said no, though.

KilkennyCats · 12/12/2025 19:01

sprigatito · 12/12/2025 18:11

That isn’t how it works in the adult world at all. People who are off sick do have to get children to school, do food shopping etc; the same goes for people with sick children in tow. This is one of MN’s weird black-and-white-thinking issues.

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But 15 year olds don’t have to go to Tesco to buy sweets.
A 15 year old screaming and crying for sweets is fairly 🤯

DuchessofStaffordshire · 12/12/2025 19:00

Firm no from me. Bring her back some chicken soup and a selection of veg if she's really poorly.

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 19:00

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:57

Thank you. And she is always praised (ever since she was a little girl) for her good manners, how lovely she is (she is), how kind and polite she is. Her best friend is the same but shouts at her mum and dad. I try not to react. I leave the room etc but in the past and now sometimes I shout back. I'm working on this, but we're all only human. I never really shouted at my parents but both me and my mum have said we wanted ou r own way as teenagers.

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Op just say no to her and go the shop without her. It really is that easy.

paintingtheroses · 12/12/2025 18:59

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:52

If OP’s daughter has seen her friend get her own way by using this tactic, it must be more common than you think. It’s not a rare event, certainly. Did your children never eat all the Advent calendar chocolates by December 3rd?

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Uh, not at 15, no.

Even at five, I wouldn't have dared behave like that.

Original poster
CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:59

YouBelongWithMe · 12/12/2025 18:56

I really don't think this is true?

I have three teens, one 18, one 16 and one 14.

Genuinely, hand on heart, they've never shouted or screamed at me. They've never sworn at us. We have probably had about three occasions max of leaving the room huffily and a loud closing of a door.

I don't recognise posts which seem to accept teen tantrums and huffing as the norm. I really don't think it is, it a fair reflection of most teens I know.

Show quote history

If you read my post, I said I wasn't going to accept being shouted at.

OP posts:
GanderGoosey · 12/12/2025 18:59

YouBelongWithMe · 12/12/2025 18:56

I really don't think this is true?

I have three teens, one 18, one 16 and one 14.

Genuinely, hand on heart, they've never shouted or screamed at me. They've never sworn at us. We have probably had about three occasions max of leaving the room huffily and a loud closing of a door.

I don't recognise posts which seem to accept teen tantrums and huffing as the norm. I really don't think it is, it a fair reflection of most teens I know.

Show quote history

I think there is an unfair stereotype of teenagers and it can be a self fulfilling prophecy somehow. This seems unique to western cultures. I am from an Asian culture and teens are not expected to be behave like this and generally don’t. This may be changing now of course.

My kids are early 20s and have never sworn at us. I’m sure they do with their friends, but not at home. I wouldn’t be too bothered if they did at this age but they have clearly chosen not to.

MyDeftDuck · 12/12/2025 18:58

Tell her no and explain that she might puke in the store which would be embarrassing for her and inconvenient for you and the staff that have to clean it up!

LBFseBrom · 12/12/2025 18:57

15 seems a bit old for wheedling sweets and treats and most kids of any age don't like grocery shopping much.

Original poster
CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:57

youalright · 12/12/2025 18:49

But it is absolutely normal for a lot of teen girls to still have tantrums and shout and cry and stomp around the house and slam doors

Show quote history

Thank you. And she is always praised (ever since she was a little girl) for her good manners, how lovely she is (she is), how kind and polite she is. Her best friend is the same but shouts at her mum and dad. I try not to react. I leave the room etc but in the past and now sometimes I shout back. I'm working on this, but we're all only human. I never really shouted at my parents but both me and my mum have said we wanted ou r own way as teenagers.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 12/12/2025 18:56

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:52

If OP’s daughter has seen her friend get her own way by using this tactic, it must be more common than you think. It’s not a rare event, certainly. Did your children never eat all the Advent calendar chocolates by December 3rd?

Show quote history

They were only allowed to open one day of the advent calendar at a time and chocolate and sweets were not readily available at home. They were a treat for special occasions.

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 18:56

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:52

If OP’s daughter has seen her friend get her own way by using this tactic, it must be more common than you think. It’s not a rare event, certainly. Did your children never eat all the Advent calendar chocolates by December 3rd?

Show quote history

Ha ha my then 6yr old did - and also ate his older sisters advent calendar 🙈 He was 6! Not bloody 15. Though we do still laugh at him every year about it when advent calendars are handed out 🤣

Who are these people saying this behaviour is normal? I have 4 dc - 3 over 15. Not one of them behaved like that.

YouBelongWithMe · 12/12/2025 18:56

youalright · 12/12/2025 18:49

But it is absolutely normal for a lot of teen girls to still have tantrums and shout and cry and stomp around the house and slam doors

Show quote history

I really don't think this is true?

I have three teens, one 18, one 16 and one 14.

Genuinely, hand on heart, they've never shouted or screamed at me. They've never sworn at us. We have probably had about three occasions max of leaving the room huffily and a loud closing of a door.

I don't recognise posts which seem to accept teen tantrums and huffing as the norm. I really don't think it is, it a fair reflection of most teens I know.

cramptramp · 12/12/2025 18:55

I assume you mean she’s shouting. That along with crying is terribly babyish behaviour for a 15 year old. I really hope you left the house without her and do the same every time she tries that.

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:55

GanderGoosey · 12/12/2025 18:54

No! Maybe my kids were unusual then, who knows.

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They sound very well-behaved.

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:54

I was a sweet-craving teenager and I’m currently saving up for three fillings - can’t get a NHS dentist.

GanderGoosey · 12/12/2025 18:54

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:52

If OP’s daughter has seen her friend get her own way by using this tactic, it must be more common than you think. It’s not a rare event, certainly. Did your children never eat all the Advent calendar chocolates by December 3rd?

Show quote history

No! Maybe my kids were unusual then, who knows.

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 18:53

WillowRowanHolly · 12/12/2025 18:48

I think posting on here for advice rather than engaging with the tantrum is sensible.

Show quote history

I agree with this. Busy yourself on mn rather than engage with her.

Even if you did relent and let her come with you why does she think that automatically gets her sweets and treats? Would she tantrum in the shop? 🙈

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