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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

160 replies

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:00

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 20:19

Nightlight8 · 12/12/2025 19:51

Why are you restricting what a 15 year old eats? What bad habits? For me there seperate issues have a biscuit and not going to school.

I don't restrict what she eats...I said she wants millions of snacks and I'm quite generous but selective over what I get her. If I get her treats she eats them all at once and then has to wait for the next lot. I feed her well and would never restrict her, but when she gets tummy aches I have to worry about what she's eating. Or not eating. I can't control what she does when she's at school.

OP posts:
IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 20:15

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 20:11

Well no, cos it's Friday, there is no school tomorrow

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Send her anyway op 🤣

Don’t take a lap top off your dd - they are needed for school homework - essential for 15yr olds. But then I am not one who agrees in escalating punishments until my child bends to my will - I prefer to find out what is really going on. If it is a case of just bratty behaviour then the phone and internet (apart from school work) goes

Original poster
CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 20:11

Horses7 · 12/12/2025 19:44

Flipping Nora - she’d be grounded (once well again) if she screamed at me - plus phone/laptop etc would be taken away right now. Don’t let your child bully you, she doesn’t sound very ill - school tomorrow!!

Well no, cos it's Friday, there is no school tomorrow

OP posts:
PenguinLover24 · 12/12/2025 20:10

Hear me out.. I'm not sure if it's "normal" for a 15 year old to act like this but I know I did. Puberty / hormones have a massive impact on you if you have ADHD (which I have since been diagnosed with and this answered a lot of questions). Have you looked up pmdd as well? Just with the mention of her periods. X

youalright · 12/12/2025 20:09

KilkennyCats · 12/12/2025 19:44

Teens do not usually act this way at home, it’s ridiculous behaviour for a 15 year old.
God love you if you have some like this and you think it’s the norm.

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This is how I was as a teen. My teens are boys so calmer my little ones are girls so I'm expecting some shouting, crying and door slamming in the teen years

Ukholidaysaregreat · 12/12/2025 20:02

You are doing the right thing. Don't let her go shopping. She is having a tantrum. She is supposed to be ill. Hope you have been shopping and can now chill out.

MrsJeanLuc · 12/12/2025 19:58

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 19:04

I didn't engage, I went into another room. I'm not going now. She's just come in calm again and showed me some work she's done. I'm going to cook tea and maybe we can have a chat about kicking off when things don't go the way she wants. I have to remind her I'm the parent and she's the child.

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Well done OP, you've handled this perfectly. I can't believe the number of posters criticising your parenting style just because you asked for some advice. It must be really difficult dealing with this stuff on your own.

As pp have said, you will want to have a quite chat with her later (tomorrow?) about her behaviour, but for now just build bridges.

Nightlight8 · 12/12/2025 19:51

Why are you restricting what a 15 year old eats? What bad habits? For me there seperate issues have a biscuit and not going to school.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/12/2025 19:51

Oh very true. The screaming at 15 is a bit much

paintingtheroses · 12/12/2025 19:47

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/12/2025 19:41

I would have let her go. It’s food shopping but I wouldn’t be allowing lots of treats in extra

it’s hardly a trip to the zoo or cinema etc

Maybe not, but you shouldn't be teaching a 15yo that they can get their own way by having a screaming fit.

PollyBell · 12/12/2025 19:47

How on earth can people justify tantrums at 15 as being normal?

KilkennyCats · 12/12/2025 19:44

youalright · 12/12/2025 19:06

Are your teens boys or girls? Lots of hormones, lots a stress, testing boundaries. People's brains don't fully develop until mid 20s and thats the impulse control part. Teens usually act this way at home to let it out as its there safe place. Its not always a bad thing even if it may feel like it.

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Teens do not usually act this way at home, it’s ridiculous behaviour for a 15 year old.
God love you if you have some like this and you think it’s the norm.

Thatsalineallright · 12/12/2025 19:44

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:22

I didn't say that. She's definitely gets told no. I don't think this is unheard of with teenagers, is it?

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Did you scream and have tantrums when you were 15? To be honest that sort of behaviour from a 15 year old is shocking to even read about!

Sulking, huffing, normal enough. Screaming and crying? Bizarre.

Horses7 · 12/12/2025 19:44

Flipping Nora - she’d be grounded (once well again) if she screamed at me - plus phone/laptop etc would be taken away right now. Don’t let your child bully you, she doesn’t sound very ill - school tomorrow!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/12/2025 19:41

I would have let her go. It’s food shopping but I wouldn’t be allowing lots of treats in extra

it’s hardly a trip to the zoo or cinema etc

Luckyingame · 12/12/2025 19:37

Screaming and crying at 15?
😂
I was almost an adult then.

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 19:35

The only teens I know who acted this way had something else going on. It wasn’t just normal teenager hormones. Has your dd got anything going on at school or with friends or is there any issue at home?

80smonster · 12/12/2025 19:34

Nope. If you’re sick enough to stay home, you’re sick enough to stay in bed. If not,
get your uniform on and get to school.

maddiemookins16mum · 12/12/2025 19:27

15! Yikes.

cramptramp · 12/12/2025 19:25

youalright · 12/12/2025 19:06

Are your teens boys or girls? Lots of hormones, lots a stress, testing boundaries. People's brains don't fully develop until mid 20s and thats the impulse control part. Teens usually act this way at home to let it out as its there safe place. Its not always a bad thing even if it may feel like it.

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Teens do not usually act this way. Mine didn’t and I don’t know anyone whose teens did behave like this. Very spoilt behaviour.

Corinthiana · 12/12/2025 19:23

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 19:04

I didn't engage, I went into another room. I'm not going now. She's just come in calm again and showed me some work she's done. I'm going to cook tea and maybe we can have a chat about kicking off when things don't go the way she wants. I have to remind her I'm the parent and she's the child.

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That sounds positive. I'm glad she's calm.
I hope she eats well and you can talk about what happened.
I hope you can get some support with whatever is troubling her.

Corinthiana · 12/12/2025 19:22

youalright · 12/12/2025 19:06

Are your teens boys or girls? Lots of hormones, lots a stress, testing boundaries. People's brains don't fully develop until mid 20s and thats the impulse control part. Teens usually act this way at home to let it out as its there safe place. Its not always a bad thing even if it may feel like it.

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Impulse control, perhaps. Getting frustrated and upset, yes. Not a screaming tantrum because they don't get their own way.

Corinthiana · 12/12/2025 19:20

YouBelongWithMe · 12/12/2025 18:56

I really don't think this is true?

I have three teens, one 18, one 16 and one 14.

Genuinely, hand on heart, they've never shouted or screamed at me. They've never sworn at us. We have probably had about three occasions max of leaving the room huffily and a loud closing of a door.

I don't recognise posts which seem to accept teen tantrums and huffing as the norm. I really don't think it is, it a fair reflection of most teens I know.

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I agree with you, it's most certainly not the norm. By that age they should have developed more of a sense of self management. Screaming tantrums should be in the past. They'll get upset, cry, be a bit huffy, but a screaming tantrum when they don't get their own way?
No. (Unless there is some additional need).

YouBelongWithMe · 12/12/2025 19:11

youalright · 12/12/2025 19:06

Are your teens boys or girls? Lots of hormones, lots a stress, testing boundaries. People's brains don't fully develop until mid 20s and thats the impulse control part. Teens usually act this way at home to let it out as its there safe place. Its not always a bad thing even if it may feel like it.

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I have one boy and two girls.

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 19:10

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 19:04

I didn't engage, I went into another room. I'm not going now. She's just come in calm again and showed me some work she's done. I'm going to cook tea and maybe we can have a chat about kicking off when things don't go the way she wants. I have to remind her I'm the parent and she's the child.

Show quote history

Well done op. She is probably embarrassed how she behaved but might struggle to verbalise that. It shouldn’t have stopped you going but you know your situation better than us on here. She definitely needs to know that that behaviour is not ok. She needs to find better coping mechanisms when her emotions start to free fall - as do a lot of adults to be fair!

You say she is normally lovely so maybe this is just a blip. I’m mean but I would comment on her bf behaving like that and how it looks to others and your dd doesn’t want people to have a similar opinion of her.