DD(15y) off ill from school...now wants to come grocery shopping

Labelledelune · 15/12/2025 13:30

I would be going off to the shops and leave her to her tantrum. She sounds very spoilt. I would not be buying any snacks.

Balloonhearts · 14/12/2025 16:00

Screaming and tantrums at 15? Jesus. She needs to hear No more often. Barring special needs, that is not normal behaviour for 15 year old. I don't think any of mine tantrummed past about 7 and even that was rare.

I think they'd be too embarrassed. What if their friends happened to see them? They'd get the piss ripped out of them forever, screaming and crying like a 5 year old.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 14/12/2025 15:37

Pereniallyannoyed · 12/12/2025 18:06

Fuck, no.
She is 15, not 5. You need to have the backbone here and tell her that. Too sick for school, too sick to go out in public. That’s how it works in the adult world. Get used to it.

Also, there’s enough disease out there at present. Keep your sick kid home and stop spreading germs unnecessarily.

Um, no it's not the same in the adult world.
If I'm sick, I still have to get my kids ready for school and drive them there.
I may need to get something from somewhere outside of my flat i.e. a prescription or something from the supermarket.

Oldwmn · 14/12/2025 14:48

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:00

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

Sorry, did you say 15? And she cries & screams for treats & sweets?? And you keep these things in the house & she nicks them???
Get a mirror, stand in front of it & say 'No' until you get the hang of it. Then say 'No' to shopping trip, several times if necessary because she sounds like she's not familiar with the word.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 13/12/2025 21:30

Well I wouldn't be buying her any sweets or treats at all. Not for a good long while behaving like that.

independentfriend · 13/12/2025 19:26

Worth having a read about endometriosis/ other things that are not just a bad period.

There's an overlap between endometriosis and IBS so worth her thinking about food in that context - what causes symptoms?

And worth exploring how much pain she's in - is she having a tantrum partly because of pain? If so that's something for her to explain to a GP as the impact of period pain on her.

Fresh air and daylight and a walk can be good for illness recovery (if not infectious). I'm not sure many people would put a supermarket on the list of places they want to go when feeling ill.

Peppermintpatty24 · 13/12/2025 18:25

Your FIFTEEN YEAR OLD is SCREAMING and CRYING like a toddler because she can't have her own way? I would be more concerned about that behaviour than the trip to the shops, although I wouldn't allow her to come with either.

IwishIcouldconfess · 13/12/2025 17:14

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:22

I didn't say that. She's definitely gets told no. I don't think this is unheard of with teenagers, is it?

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Yes you did say that, you said that exactly

Redpeach · 12/12/2025 22:55

Tesco deliver

Onthemaintrunkline · 12/12/2025 22:49

She might be ‘kind polite & lovely’ in your words, but from what you’ve also shared she appears drama friendly, disrespectful and manipulative. Very manipulative. A young madam who wants her own way.

To unwell for school, definitely no going out.

FiatLuxAdAstra · 12/12/2025 22:10

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 12/12/2025 22:01

I don't think all people's brains work this way tbh.

I wasn't restricted as a child but basically struggle to have ready to go snacks in the house even as a 40 something year old as I'll eat the lot in minutes. I have gorged myself stupid a million times and not learned.

My DH and DCs are the exact same.

If there is food there, like at a buffet, we'll eat and eat it. It's actually quite embarrassing going to a party where there's food as most children aren't that interested whereas mine are hugely food motivated and will spend literally hours eating - well, all of it.

None of us is overweight by the way. In fact my DH and one DC are borderline underweight. We eat healthy meals and do try to provide healthy snacks as well as less healthy!

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I’d argue that you aren’t really over indulging if you’re all healthy weight and nourished. Enjoying food isn’t a bad thing.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 12/12/2025 22:01

FiatLuxAdAstra · 12/12/2025 20:47

I don't restrict what she eats...I said she wants millions of snacks and I'm quite generous but selective over what I get her. If I get her treats she eats them all at once and then has to wait for the next lot.

That is a type of restriction you know. Making her wait for “the next lot” whenever it pleases you. You’ve made her view certain snacks as a scarce. When a scarcity mindset is set up regarding a certain food, our brains are hardwired to gorge on them when we have them and then to hyper focus on when can we have that food again, which creates cravings for the treat be it chocolates, cakes, haribo, Doritos.

If you just stop the restriction of being selective and limiting, first there is a period of eating yourself sick with it, but then you pass into the abundance mindset, the cravings stop, and you eat less of the treat overall.

I don't think all people's brains work this way tbh.

I wasn't restricted as a child but basically struggle to have ready to go snacks in the house even as a 40 something year old as I'll eat the lot in minutes. I have gorged myself stupid a million times and not learned.

My DH and DCs are the exact same.

If there is food there, like at a buffet, we'll eat and eat it. It's actually quite embarrassing going to a party where there's food as most children aren't that interested whereas mine are hugely food motivated and will spend literally hours eating - well, all of it.

None of us is overweight by the way. In fact my DH and one DC are borderline underweight. We eat healthy meals and do try to provide healthy snacks as well as less healthy!

MsAmerica · 12/12/2025 21:50

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:00

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

Seems like you're asking the wrong question.

I think the question should be:

What am I doing wrong that my daughter not only disregards me, but has screaming tantrums for not getting her own way in minor issues?

Perhaps stop buying "treats" in any quantity. Or tell her if they disappear, you will buy fewer and not replace them.

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 20:56

I still stand by the fact the only 15yr olds who act like this are either spoilt brats (your description of your dd doesn’t match that unless you are just not seeing it) or there is something deeper going on - eating issues, friend/school issues or issues at home. It is seldom just hormones/age. Find the cause. But in the meantime don’t accept the behaviour - hopefully over the weekend you can have a calm chat with her.

CockSpadget · 12/12/2025 20:51

Maybe your DD and her friend need to have some time apart. It really isn’t normal or acceptable for 15 year olds to scream and shout at their parents. It Sounds like they aren’t a good influence on each other.

Horses7 · 12/12/2025 20:49

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:42

Eh??? Always amazes me this
when parents are surprised by their kids eating sweets and treats when it’s them that buy them and put them in the cupboard.

anyway - she’s 15 not 5. tell her to stop acting like a baby

and keep an eye on her attendance. Not only are you setting yourself up for a nice fine, you’re just teaching her that it’s okay to pull a sicky left right and centre. That won’t go down well at work

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This!

Horses7 · 12/12/2025 20:48

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 20:11

Well no, cos it's Friday, there is no school tomorrow

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Fair point! It’s been one of those weeks OP - I keep thinking it’s Monday!! School on Monday!!

FiatLuxAdAstra · 12/12/2025 20:47

I don't restrict what she eats...I said she wants millions of snacks and I'm quite generous but selective over what I get her. If I get her treats she eats them all at once and then has to wait for the next lot.

That is a type of restriction you know. Making her wait for “the next lot” whenever it pleases you. You’ve made her view certain snacks as a scarce. When a scarcity mindset is set up regarding a certain food, our brains are hardwired to gorge on them when we have them and then to hyper focus on when can we have that food again, which creates cravings for the treat be it chocolates, cakes, haribo, Doritos.

If you just stop the restriction of being selective and limiting, first there is a period of eating yourself sick with it, but then you pass into the abundance mindset, the cravings stop, and you eat less of the treat overall.

Pricelessadvice · 12/12/2025 20:46

GanderGoosey · 12/12/2025 18:59

I think there is an unfair stereotype of teenagers and it can be a self fulfilling prophecy somehow. This seems unique to western cultures. I am from an Asian culture and teens are not expected to be behave like this and generally don’t. This may be changing now of course.

My kids are early 20s and have never sworn at us. I’m sure they do with their friends, but not at home. I wouldn’t be too bothered if they did at this age but they have clearly chosen not to.

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I find it so strange that people think teenagers behave in the way described. Me, my brother, my friends and cousins never behaved like that as teenagers.
I can’t believe it’s just seen as normal. What’s going on??

KilkennyCats · 12/12/2025 20:42

youalright · 12/12/2025 20:09

This is how I was as a teen. My teens are boys so calmer my little ones are girls so I'm expecting some shouting, crying and door slamming in the teen years

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But why are you extrapolating “this is usual for teens” from your own behaviour?
It isn’t. You acting this way as a teen doesn’t make it usual or normal.

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:42

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 18:00

And I know why...so she can try to strong arm me into buying her sweets and treats 😒
She's been complaining of a tummy ache and feeling sick. I relented and let her stay home. I've had an awful 11 months with work and quite frankly I am burnt out and crawling towards the Christmas break. She's been ill on and off lately. I am sympathetic (she gets bad period pains), and has been involved in friendship dramas that I talked through with her, but she does also take the piss. I'm a single parent so have to be both good and bad cop.
She's now screaming and crying that she wants to come with me to Tesco to do the shopping. I've said no. If she's too poorly to go to school, then she's not going to be trotting round Tesco throwing all sorts in the trolley. I buy her snacks but she always wants more.

She's having a full on screaming fit. She takes treats out of the fridge and cupboard. I've done EVERYTHING I can possibly think of over the years to stop her with this bad habit.

AIBU to not take her? In fact I've just finished work (WFH today), am exhausted and just feel like not bothering at all.

Eh??? Always amazes me this
when parents are surprised by their kids eating sweets and treats when it’s them that buy them and put them in the cupboard.

anyway - she’s 15 not 5. tell her to stop acting like a baby

and keep an eye on her attendance. Not only are you setting yourself up for a nice fine, you’re just teaching her that it’s okay to pull a sicky left right and centre. That won’t go down well at work

FiatLuxAdAstra · 12/12/2025 20:41

Why could you have just said yes? If it’s that important to her, just say yes.
It’s not taking the piss to be able to go 30mins round a Tesco’s after a day of rest compared to slogging through an entire school day. You can be well enough for the former but too sick for the latter.

And what is a bad habit about a Yr10 taking food out of the fridge and cupboard when hungry? Most kids are allowed to independently get snacks between meals by Yr7. I see you worry she is “addicted to sugar” and you control her snacks rigidly. Do you not wonder whether you are role modelling disordered eating by having categories of bad foods and good foods and calling her having a snack a “bad habit” ?

haveaword · 12/12/2025 20:23

15 and screaming - excessive

Stop buying sweets for the cupboard then she can’t take them

IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 20:22

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/12/2025 20:19

I don't restrict what she eats...I said she wants millions of snacks and I'm quite generous but selective over what I get her. If I get her treats she eats them all at once and then has to wait for the next lot. I feed her well and would never restrict her, but when she gets tummy aches I have to worry about what she's eating. Or not eating. I can't control what she does when she's at school.

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I have no experience of eating disorders but I have 4dc and although they can have big appetites - I am going to gently say mine have never eaten like that at 15. Could there be an eating issue?

Corinthiana · 12/12/2025 20:20

youalright · 12/12/2025 20:09

This is how I was as a teen. My teens are boys so calmer my little ones are girls so I'm expecting some shouting, crying and door slamming in the teen years

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No, don't expect it. It's not necessarily going to happen.