Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think coming into existence is a good thing for every human

157 replies

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 15:36

We all live through pain at some point. Hopefully also joy (although I'd say that's a fairly modern possibility for ordinary folk). When you make a child exist is it always a good thing, regardless of the balance of ups and downs? Are you grateful just to be here for this experience no matter how it goes?

(Inspired by a conversation on another thread)

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 12/12/2025 20:52

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:48

🤣🤣🤣🤣 ok edited maybe you can recommend me some Top Clever Reads

Show quote history

War and Peace will keep you out of our hair for some time.

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:49

if you are happy and confident, why are you being so rude and insulting to people replying to you in good faith?

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:48

DeftGoldHedgehog · 12/12/2025 20:47

Put down the internet, OP, read some books, and feel the joy of no longer being ignorant and showing yourself up all the time.

Edited

🤣🤣🤣🤣 ok edited maybe you can recommend me some Top Clever Reads

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 12/12/2025 20:47

Put down the internet, OP, read some books, and feel the joy of no longer being ignorant and showing yourself up all the time.

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:46

Redpeach · 12/12/2025 20:45

Kinda sucking the joy out of life

Show quote history

Nativities and joy do not live in the same postcode.

It's a nice rite of passage but let's not overdo it.

(Ironically I think I'm a lot happier and more confident than most people - maybe because I don't take things too seriously and can process hypotheticals?)

OP posts:
Redpeach · 12/12/2025 20:45

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:41

I haven't seen that but nativities are rubbish??

Some schools try to mix things up with a modern take and I appreciate the effort but they're all rubbish

(It's still nice they happen but no need to pretend they're enjoyable for adults)

Show quote history

Kinda sucking the joy out of life

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:44

UnhappyHobbit · 12/12/2025 20:41

Came for a lighthearted thread and ended up witnessing someone’s unprocessed issues take the wheel

Show quote history

Ditto! Personally, I love things like a great sunset, the sound of rain, and apples eaten straight off the tree. You know, timeless things our ancestors would have found joy in too 🙂

Courtnay · 12/12/2025 20:44

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 16:09

There is a reason nobody smiles in early photography

The reason nobody smiled in early photographs is because a) it was considered common to smile in photos, and generally speaking it was the upper classes that were having their photographs taken, not the lower classes, b) people in that time had terrible teeth, even the upper classes, and they didn't want these showing in photographs, and c) it took ages to take a photograph, it wasn't an instant click of the camera like it is now, so nobody could hold anything other than a neutral expression for the duration of time it took to take the photo!

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:42

Courtnay · 12/12/2025 20:39

But these people had children so that the children would grow up and work to contribute to household income and food on the table, and to look after them in old age, didn't they. They had children for 100% practical reasons. They didn't have children for joy or happiness. And they certainly didn't sit around analysing things. There wasn't time to.

Show quote history

Yeah I agree with that. If you didn't have kids life would be worse than if you did in a very basic food on the table battle for survival way. It must have been wall to wall stress.

OP posts:
UnhappyHobbit · 12/12/2025 20:41

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:38

I suspect the OP is pissed off at everyone who has a different opinion from them I'm apparently beneath contempt too.

Show quote history

Came for a lighthearted thread and ended up witnessing someone’s unprocessed issues take the wheel

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:41

Redpeach · 12/12/2025 20:39

Bloody hell, this thread is almost as depressing as the one about the mum who hates nativity plays

I haven't seen that but nativities are rubbish??

Some schools try to mix things up with a modern take and I appreciate the effort but they're all rubbish

(It's still nice they happen but no need to pretend they're enjoyable for adults)

OP posts:
everdine · 12/12/2025 20:41

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:35

Yes I know... But a modern woman looking back who belittles the awfulness of being a woman in those times is a different matter.

Show quote history

It wasn’t all awful despite women having less rights. Throughout history women have not all been depressed and wished they had never been born! Plenty of women were very resilient and just got on with life the best they could.

Courtnay · 12/12/2025 20:39

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 15:48

I find it hard to believe that my ancestors who had to work from dawn til dusk in medial, boring, humiliating jobs just to feed themselves and their families had much time for joy tbh. Not to mention having to use a chamber pot. Double not to mention having to empty other people's chamber pots.

Show quote history

But these people had children so that the children would grow up and work to contribute to household income and food on the table, and to look after them in old age, didn't they. They had children for 100% practical reasons. They didn't have children for joy or happiness. And they certainly didn't sit around analysing things. There wasn't time to.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 12/12/2025 20:39

Pointless question. It's not like there is a choice whether we come into existence or have the knowledge of an alternative.

Redpeach · 12/12/2025 20:39

Bloody hell, this thread is almost as depressing as the one about the mum who hates nativity plays

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:38

UnhappyHobbit · 12/12/2025 20:36

Well that’s me told! Not sure there was any reason to get so rude. I was genuinely curious and you didn’t have to take a slur on the kind of woman I am! Seriously - are you even sure you’re ready for this thread you created!?

Show quote history

I suspect the OP is pissed off at everyone who has a different opinion from them I'm apparently beneath contempt too.

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:38

UnhappyHobbit · 12/12/2025 20:36

Well that’s me told! Not sure there was any reason to get so rude. I was genuinely curious and you didn’t have to take a slur on the kind of woman I am! Seriously - are you even sure you’re ready for this thread you created!?

Show quote history

You are wisting after a time when I would have been my husband's property. Sorry but that merits rude in my book.

OP posts:
UnhappyHobbit · 12/12/2025 20:36

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:22

I kind of find women who envy the times before they were recognised as full people astounding and horrifying. I know it's an evolved mentality but Jesus. Oh those halcyon days of your husband being able to beat and rape you and your kids starving if the harvest failed and a third of women dying in childbirth #dreamytimes

I love being an adult with my own cash and job and property and abortion rights and pension and ability to only shag for pleasure. How DARE you ask what's so good about now.

Edited
Show quote history

Well that’s me told! Not sure there was any reason to get so rude. I was genuinely curious and you didn’t have to take a slur on the kind of woman I am! Seriously - are you even sure you’re ready for this thread you created!?

everdine · 12/12/2025 20:35

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:35

Yes I know... But a modern woman looking back who belittles the awfulness of being a woman in those times is a different matter.

Show quote history

It

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:35

everdine · 12/12/2025 20:33

Some people would’ve made the most of life and were content with their lot on the whole despite the suffering, where as others wouldn’t have been, just like today! It’s hard to believe now, but some women didn’t want the vote when the suffragette movement was happening!

Show quote history

Yes I know... But a modern woman looking back who belittles the awfulness of being a woman in those times is a different matter.

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:34

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:32

Don't worry about it, choccie.

Show quote history

What have I done to you to deserve such patronising responses?

everdine · 12/12/2025 20:33

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:22

I kind of find women who envy the times before they were recognised as full people astounding and horrifying. I know it's an evolved mentality but Jesus. Oh those halcyon days of your husband being able to beat and rape you and your kids starving if the harvest failed and a third of women dying in childbirth #dreamytimes

I love being an adult with my own cash and job and property and abortion rights and pension and ability to only shag for pleasure. How DARE you ask what's so good about now.

Edited
Show quote history

Some people would’ve made the most of life and were content with their lot on the whole despite the suffering, where as others wouldn’t have been, just like today! It’s hard to believe now, but some women didn’t want the vote when the suffragette movement was happening!

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:32

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:31

And why's that then?

Show quote history

Don't worry about it, choccie.

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:31

Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:30

It's ok I don't think you can engage with this topic don't worry about it.

Show quote history

And why's that then?

Original poster
Pavementworrier · 12/12/2025 20:30

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 20:29

What point are you trying to make? You don't seem very happy now, and yet you are saying times have never been better?

All people are trying to tell you is that people through the ages have managed to find joy in their lives. Not always, and not about everything, but to think that everyone before now was miserable is pretty strange.

It's ok I don't think you can engage with this topic don't worry about it.

OP posts: