How do I cope with my daughter’s constant screaming?

that sounds horrific op. i couldn’t deal with that.

could you sound proof one room and thats the only one shes allowed to scream in? maybe build her a den inside it to rest in or have her batter a pillow or cushion or something.

her welfare is important but an incidence of loud noise can damage a child’s ears permanently. so the other children’s welfare needs considered too. it’s not just about what she needs.

id defo want help from the gp. As she becomes stressed that much surely there must be a medication that would help her be the happy child she wants to be instead of the bag of nerves.

You need to order your other children ear protection too
I'd go back to the Gp having kept a diary for at least 7 days of every single incident or upset , everytime she is overwhelmed, the behaviour, the impact on the rest of the household emotionally and physically and don't underplay it to see if that can be added to the referral to make it more urgent

Read up about masking and autism 🙄

Would she scream into something like a pillow, can you find something that gives her a good sensory feedback that helps her regulate, a bean bag to hit, a yoga ball to bounce on, something to squeeze hard, a weighted blanket to hide under, a hammock swing, could you explore stuff with her when she’s calm and try and reroute the screaming. My DS used to scream when he had meltdowns but not at other times, and I remember screaming back in response, far from my finest hour, so I feel your desperation. Hopefully the loops work. I’d also suggest if she has to scream she goes to her room. Perhaps explain this when everything is relaxed and explain why you will ask her to go her room, you understand she can’t help it, but it distresses everyone else, so she can go somewhere safe and scream and then her siblings won’t be as distressed. It’s worth a shot!
Once DS was older I explained, when. He was having a meltdown that I would not be in the same space but would give him cuddles if he needed them or would be in the next room if he wanted me. Because my presence didn’t help, it was the best way for me to stay calm and cope with it.

No it doesn't necessarily. As the child is awaiting assessment, it's more likely that she is masking at school and is exhausted and overwhelmed when she gets home. It's very common with Neurodivergent children and can be extremely challenging to deal with, mainly because it is only 'safe' people who get to witness her distress.

My niece was like this, but not to the same extent. She doesn't have ADHD or ASD. She said she shouldn't help it. One day when she was 8 it just stopped.

You can do into detective mode and try to figure out how to support her to not do this. But in the meantime I highly recommend loops for you and ear defenders for your other kids. Needs must.

Do you have any understanding of autism? It's pretty common for autistic girls to mask during the day at school and then have trouble regulating after the long day when they get home after.

Ah love I relate so hard to this. Daughter is auDHD and I too got diagnosed this year myself. DDs (8) baby noises and screams CUT through me and I find myself screaming back at her and becoming incredibly stressed. Loop earplugs have been really helpful

Buy the rest of the family ear defenders. Is she verbal and can she understand? If so, she can learn to find other ways of self regulating.

Maybe try some different sensory activities she can do instead of the screeching. Or maybe the rest of you need to do the same, so she can understand why she needs to find other ways of managing it.

My autistic daughter found ways to stim quietly so that she didnt upset others around her.

If she behaves well at school, it means she needs a time-out and some consequences for such behaviour at home.

Ear defenders. Mine was a screamer. Came out screaming and didn't stop for years. Same sort of thing you're describing.

He did stop though. So there's hope but I really would get some decent ear defense for all of you.

I’d pick your battles for now. You’ve identified some triggers so that’s good. It’s a really over stimulating time of year at home and school.
So for example if you know being asked to put rubbish in the bin makes her scream don’t ask/ tell atm
Try looking at PDA strategies to give her back some control or make things fun e.g. would you like to brush your teeth first or brush your hair?
I bet you can’t pick up 3 things for the bin before I pick up 3.
Look at sensory friendly clothing and SPD/ strategies. I’d get a referrral to an OT for a sensory assessment ( not all are qualified)
Does she scream like this at school? Can school staff write a social story or suggest something to redirect e.g. punching a bean bag, counting in her head, clenching and unclenching fists etc.
Sounds really difficult. Good luck.

I’m sorry OP this sounds so hard to deal with. I don’t have any general advice I’m afraid but regarding the screaming look into loop earplugs. They are an absolute game changer and will take the edge off for you, it might also be worth looking into getting your daughter some too if she struggles with noises

Loop earplugs