Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

Personally it wouldn't bother me the girlfriend coming. However, if I were the girlfriend, I'm not sure I'd want to meet my boyfriend's family all in one hit. I'd find it a bit much, but I suppose it depends on her personality. I'd feel like I was intruding on a family Christmas, with people I didn't know and had never met.

Shagfest 😆

It’s Alan Partridge. “Lynn, they’re sex people!”

What if he brings her and shes a loud mouthed alcoholic😕

Perhaps she'll turn up, binoculars slung round her neck doing her best Jane Goodall impression (rest her soul) as she observes the family going about their christmas rituals

OP on the up side, your DBIL has met someone he likes enough to meet his family — what if he brings her, and she’s wonderful?

No ring, no bring.

They will be sex people.

Not necessarily - but that made me laugh out loud, which thread did that originate from, its a while ago now??????

Not unexpected, you have plenty of warning. It think it is unkind not to allow him a guest especially in these circumstances. DOn't host if you are this uncomfortable.

Nope. They will be sex people.

Fine for lunch invitation but they can find hotel accommodation nearby.

Yes. I agree BIL wasn't ok to issue an invitation in this instance. I still don't think it's the woman's job to query with the host whether he was authorised to invite her or not and it's perfectly reasonable for her to have assumed it was a proper invitation.

DB's MIL last year hosted her antipodean nephew and 4 of his mates who were travelling. Maybe all 4 of those guys messaged her individually to check the invitation as issued by nephew was genuine but I doubt it. And I'm pretty sure she'd have found it unnecessary to be getting so many queries.

Wouldn’t you? The OP has two children under 5 opening their presents on Christmas morning. OP is in her PJs and you’ve got a total bloody stranger plonked in the living room watching all the proceedings, how odd.

Exactly.

As if Christmas with small kids isn’t enough work for parents! BIL is extremely clueless and presumptuous.

Really? I’d think “good, at least she was raised with decent manners.”

In any event, BIL wasn’t authorized to extend an invitation on behalf of the OP. He put his brother on the spot asking to bring an extra. That’s always rude.

I don’t think it’s really on to assume a “plus one” can stay over at your house, especially when kids are about. Not because of anything untoward, but because it’s obvious that someone outside the family staying over will impact you, so you ask first and well in advance.

You don’t just say “I might come and I might bring an extra guest”.

Whether you say yes or not depends on how you feel about these things!

when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said I'm just making things difficult for him

Well, he shouldn't have given an open invitation like that without checking with you first. Your DH is embarrassed about having to retract or modify the offer? Tough shit. The thing is, you don't know yet if BIL is coming or not or if the non-Christmassy GF will accompany him but if you want to control this situation you need to get in touch soon and set the rules - lunch only, stay for less time, arrive later on the day, stay elsewhere, only BIL this time etc? Talk with your DH then contact BIL so everyone is clear.

It’s fair enough to want Christmas to be spent as a family and not with your DBIL’s rebound. You want to be comfortable, not hosting a stranger. That was the whole point of staying home.

Given it’s over multiple nights and not just a Christmas Day pop in you absolutely have to say no!!

Urgh - just seen he expects to stay for several nights with her in your home. So highly likely to be a shagfest for them. Just no.

Of course not. I rightly assumed SIL was inviting me on her behalf. If I were the host in that scenario and someone sent me that message I'd wonder why they didn't trust my daughter enough to have passed on an appropriate invitation and why they felt the need to check it out with me.

I'd find it awkward to say 'no', but I'd highly resent his assumption that he can just invite her along himself. If she'd only be there after presents and not sleeping over, I'd be fine with it, but for multiple days and there on Christmas morning, too? I'd really rather not. Even people you know you like can wear on you under those circumstances, if you're not an extroverted lover of houseguests. I'd prefer not to gamble my enjoyment of the entire Christmas experience this year on someone you've never met. But I'd still find it awkward to refuse!

I'm a more the merrier type of person but I'd be a little put out by having someone in the house with my young children who I had never met before, 4 days is a long time if they don't fit in.. does MIL know her?

Can they not come on Christmas day after presents and stay till the 27th instead of 23rd-27th?

Like others, I’d be fine with them both coming for Xmas dinner and the few hours afterwards when you exchange presents, play games, watch a film or whatever it is you usually do. But staying one or more nights, absolutely no way.
I’d also want to know the reason why she doesn’t celebrate Xmas (but also can’t be left alone on what is a normal day for her) and whether that is going to impact your celebrations.

So you are cool with a stranger staying over for 4 days?

it's just different personality types. I have a friend if I said to her could I bring 6 other people with me somewhere she'd be like yeah and if they've got any kids dogs they are welcome as well and she would genuine mean it. her house is open house. Me, I would prefer the brother in law to have told me if he's coming before now even though it's a week way let alone for him to invite somebody else along with him.

are you and your husband splitting the work between you are you carrying the load and he'll just be meeting them at the door with a beer?

I'd be ok with them coming for Christmas lunch and staying the evening, but not overnight. I don't really like having strangers staying over, regardless of whether they're someone's bf/gf. Aside from that I wouldn't have the space anyway to have more than one guest/couple overnight, as I would refuse to use, or have anyone else use, the sofa at Christmas.