Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

Massive no from me. We all work so hard to make the Christmas special for our kids, I would not want a stranger in the house. Great if you are the "more the merrier" type but honestly I just want to be able to relax with our close family on what is already a crazy day!

I think it's a bit different in scope, in that the entire world around us doesn't go mad - adverts everywhere, parties, events, travelling to family, everything shutting down - for Hanukkah (although I like your username!).

@Purtyburty I'm a the more the merrier person. Maybe you'll absolutely love her and have a great time with her. Conversely, if she's awful, you and your DH can have some private laughs at her expense.

Do people on here really decide about guests based on weighing up the likelihood that the guests will have sex or can't control themselves if appropriate? That's never occurred to me. Perhaps I should send a questionnaire in future.

Exactly. I think people forget how OTT Christmas is with young children. The squealing, the excitement over Santa, moving the elf, the magic and just how animated you have to be ‘OMG!! How did Santa know you wanted the roller skating Barbie?? That’s amazing! He’s so clever! You must have been such a good girl!!

I mean she might embrace all this chaos but unlikely if she doesn’t celebrate Christmas - why the fuck would she want to come and yes, I can see why OP would be self conscious with a randomer there.

I would consider myself hospitable ‘come in come in, pull up a chair, have a drink, we have plenty’ type of thing, but four bloody nights with someone you have never during the most precious family time of the year is just too much.

I 100000% wouldn't have a stranger stay in my house. Lunch yeah ok but not to stay over. You and your kids need to feel safe and secure in your own home, you won't have that with a stranger there. I'd say they're welcome to come have their Christmas meal with you but until you know the new gf better you don't want her staying over.

you haven't told us when you stop "dating" and start being "a partner"

I would if it was family.

It’s a woman he has barely begun dating, not a “partner.”

My thoughts too, it’s one thing to invite someone who you don’t know for the day but entirely different if they’re staying for several days.
I’d be perfectly happy for her coming for the day but not staying. It would make things very awkward I think.

and how do you know partners if you never invite them?

MN is the weirdest place. For most people I know, friends or families, the occasion to first meet partners was birthdays, Christmas, weddings.. any family event and family holiday when the family was gathering?

But it's MN, the idea of hosting someone for a night (or dear lord, FOUR nights) is an impossible and horrible ordeal😂

If nothing else, much easier and pleasant for everybody to be in a group than an intimate dinner for 4.

I've never met anyone so unwelcoming in real life.

Of course not, the woman he was married to was not a stranger to his wider family. The new girlfriend literally is - the OP and her husband have never clapped eyes on this person before and didn’t even know her name until her visit was announced.

Well I think that its obvious you don't agree with it so maybe the OP should just listen to you and not ask anyone else.

I am sure the brother will be ok to share a bed with his girlfriend 😂

Is Christmas lonely if you don’t celebrate it? I’ve never found the 8 nights of Hanukkah lonely, seeing that I don’t celebrate it.

I think we should take seriously a comment about "giving a sharp slap to your partner" to strangers, and not ever accept to even pretend that domestic violence is acceptable or widespread.

No, we don't give " a sharp slap" to our girlfriend, anymore than we'd "rape" them - even as a joke.

It's not funny.

I would be fine with this, firstly i'm more the merrier but also I have been single for many years, Christmas can be lonely even when you are surrounded but lots of people. I'm guessing you H trusts his brother to bring someone who will fit in and just wants to make him happy. I can't imagine they will want to come for the whole time or that they won't want to go out on there own.

But it's not Christmas day - it's a 4-5 day visit with OP having to find a bed for the gf.

So your BIL is proposing to bring a very shy girlfriend whom you don’t know, and whose family don’t even celebrate Christmas. I would be massively unimpressed.

How is the XW of the BILa stranger to OP?

It didn’t for one second occur to me that someone would take seriously a light hearted comment from a stranger on the internet. You live and learn…

and if he hadn't divorced, he would be invited alone, without his wife? Because she's a "stranger" too? 😂

It's the OP and her husband who invited the brother in the first place!

Why inviting him full stop if you hate hosting for other people - no one has too, but it's bloody rude to change your mind.

Because in this case it's 4-5 days with a stranger - not a lunch guest.

The GF/her family don’t celebrate Christmas.

It’s not a matter of setting an extra plate at the dinner table for one meal—the request is an overnight (unknown—and let’s face it, how well does she know BIL) guest for 4 days.

I agree.

This.
And not only a total stranger, but one that doesn’t celebrate Christmas anyway.

No, that's strange. The woman's daughter invited you. You don't then go and 'check it's OK'. Her daughter said it is so you take her at her word and she is your contact person.