Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

That's such a horrid thing to say and infer.

We haven't all got lovely families waiting to welcome us with open arms.

I've had various Christmas's where I've been a "hanger on" and been welcomed with open arms into the home of someone I don't know hugely well. I'd hate to think someone thought I was morally ambiguous just because I haven't got anywhere else to go.

I'm all for more the merrier but think its unreasonable to invite someone you've never met to stay over in your house when you have 2 young children and your BIL should understand that HOWEVER it is a difficult thing to say to them Iif they don't come to that realisation themselves.

I would say that your children wouldn't be comfortable with it but they'd be welcome to come for dinner

I'd not have a problem with them coming for the day. But a total stranger coming to stay? Absolutely not, unless it's a dire emergency. My home is small and is my safe space and sanctuary.

Gavin and Stacy Christmas Special comes to mind 😍 - when Smithy invited his girlfriend .

People have strangers over for Xmas dinner all the time. Perhaps her family is far away. Don’t be a grinch.

I don’t love hosting but wouldn’t mind this as hopefully they’ll be easier to host as a couple. They can both be set to work clearing dishes or washing up together and chatting rather than just BIL asked to help and left to himself.

Haven’t read all the replies, but my thoughts would be… how much would having her there change YOUR enjoyment of Christmas? We get relatively few when our children are young - of her being there meant you are more likely to be playing host or refraining from doing things you normally like to do on Christmas Day, if her being there is going to become the focus or take the shine off of anything then it would be a no from me. Suggest she comes over one afternoon / evening but to have her to stay and never met her could be very awkward…

One could equally ponder when people became so insular and unwelcoming. When Christmas became a performative ritual solely focussed on curating days worth of insta-worthy CHRISTMAS MAGIC™️ for your own kids and ignoring everybody else.

My kids grew up thinking it normal to welcome random family, friends and acquaintances (and partners) who were at a loose end at Christmas - yes including staying over if necessary. It makes them more resilient and less self absorbed to understand that not everything is all about them all the time. Even at Christmas.

Id personally tell my husband to say that if he wants to bring his girlfriend with they will need to stay somewhere else because you have young children . I’d let them come for Christmas Day but they should find somewhere else to live over that time period. BiL would be unreasonable to have an issue with being ask this as he’s basically changing his end of the deal. You originally offered believing he was single the offer was never for two people. Then maybe you can have a family dinner at a restaurant or somewhere similar on Boxing Day so it’s not such a shock on Christmas Day .

Could just say you don’t have room for a plus 1 and do they need names of local guesthouses.

or just be upfront and say god I’m really sorry but the invite to stay in my home with two young children doesn’t extend to someone we don’t know and we are sorry but we hope you both understand

i would say thought she should be invited during the day

I think Christmas morning with young children is an intimate family moment. They slip through your hands like sand. It would be a hard no from me. Also if they are 30s and it's a new relationship you're going to need "thick" walls. Ew. Nope.

It wouldnt bother me if there was only a small party to begin with.

OP how many people from DH family are coming, you’ve said th parents are divorced so MIL AS WELL but I thought you meant his parents when you say DH family/side?

Honestly, they really do make it sound as though you’d open your front door and invite in the first random passer-by you see.
Some people took the stranger danger thing a little bit too seriously, I think.

You’re missing my point completely!
where did I say it was from a prudish “unmarried couples can’t sleep together” standpoint!
I simply meant the OP has two kids, MIL and BIL invited (minimum) to stay, most people don’t have endless spare beds and rooms to spare!
The BIL might not even have a bed and could be on the sofa.
Lunch is one thing, having a random person staying 4 nights is not something many people, especially with under 5s would be comfortable with

Most of us are not uptight, couples can sleep in the same bed 😂😂 even if they are not married (shocking I know)

I had a "stranger" for longer than 4 days, most people do 😂

We are not talking some random from the street or the pub, we are talking a family member's partner.

I have never sent anyone to a hotel because I didn't know their other half and would only tolerate them in my house after having spent a set of hours together first over diners or god knows what 😂

I also spend long weekend hosted by DH's family or friends who had not met me before - they didn't refuse to see me or host me because "stranger danger" 😂😂

People on MN are so weird.

How nasty you are. If they end up married you won’t have a Good relationship with her if you carry on like this.

Absolutely not!
Big difference between hosting a single man and a couple, where will they sleep, have you got lots of spare rooms?!

op, as a foreigner in this country (professional) so not costing that country anything before anyone has a go at me. I had nowhere to go for years on Christmas. In the early days because I didn’t earn enough for the airfare during the holidays and later on as the only ‘you get/unmarried/childless person. I was often asked to cover over the holidays so usually meant some Christmas Day or night on my own. I got invited by colleagues/friends I have met over the years to their homes and was really grateful to be invited and to spend the day with people enjoying the spirit of the day.

before we had children we often invited people to ours who find themselves in my previous situation! I would still open my home to someone but I don’t think should’ve comes now as no one wander be tied to a baby’s schedule!

Surely this is what Christmas is all about.

I would hate this . Im with you OP

Totally agree with your DH. Whether the relationship works out or not it's nice for DBIL to have her to couple up to at this time. Horribke time for people to be alone

Doubt she’ll want to come to a perfect strangers house at Xmas he’s probably not even spoken to her but if he has s a nd she comes it’s tricky indeed

If she's just coming for dinner, ok. Not to stay the night though. They'll have to make different arrangements for that.