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AIBU?

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Original poster

Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

282 replies

Purtyburty · 12/12/2025 11:17

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

OP posts:
VeterinaryCareAssistant · 12/12/2025 11:34

Surely one more makes no difference. One of my daughters brought a different boyfriend for 3 years in a row, and it started to become a bit of a joke about not writing his name on a token gift because we weren't sure it'd be the same boyfriend!

BeMintFatball · 12/12/2025 11:33

Potentially tricky. I would suggest brother in law and his new squeeze book into a nearby hotel and just visit part of the days and do their own thing for the remainder. Gives everyone a bit of breathing space and a tactful way out.

As a late teenager/early twenty something I had years of enjoying Christmas with my (2 cousins same age) cousins and their latest boyfriend. Some lads were great company some not. Bear in mind it was extended family and my Mum was hosting. Small house. There was the year that a boyfriend sprawled out on the sofa and slept all Boxing Day leaving a chair shortage. He was long gone by the following year.

My poor mum catering for that lot. Being a teen I didn’t think about how my mum felt.

pizzaHeart · 12/12/2025 11:28

Is the plan for him ( and her potentially) coming just for Christmas dinner or to stay?
So is it you, DH, kids and DH’s brother? Or are you expecting any other relatives?
Added: how old is he and his GF? I mean why does he want to bring her ? Is it she has no where to go or anything else?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 12/12/2025 11:28

No offence but I doubt a new gf will be thrilled to have her Christmas arranged to be with strangers and 2 small dc. Sounds like hell!

jeaux90 · 12/12/2025 11:25

I would say no, it’s not a date, it’s a family day. FFS when has it become so hard for people to say no. Equally I am not sure when peoples social boundaries became so shoddy and inappropriate

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 12/12/2025 11:25

I would not be at all bothered by this. The more the merrier and it will be nice for BiL.

Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 12/12/2025 11:23

I think its tricky to answer this, because it could go either way and it depends a bit on your personality too.
I know people who adopt a more the merrier approach to Xmas who would be quite happy for any extras (my mum is like this, she once hosted a random friend I made from Portugal who had no family) but equally I know people who would get more anxious hosting more people especially ones they don't know. Also the woman herself is an unknown. It could work out well and you have a fab time or it could not 🤷‍♀️ So I am not sure it's necessarily that it's as clear cut as YABU or not. Having said that, Xmas is a time for goodwill and if you aren't overly anxious about hosting, I'd be inclined to let her come. You could end up having a lovely time and if her and BiL last, it would be lovely to have made her feel welcome.