Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

You’re in the Christmas Magic For Little Ones season of life.
Yikes. This obsession with Christmas "magic" has qualified for capital letters now? 🙄

I have primary age children. I can't imagine thinking protecting their "magic" (a term I've never seen outside MN and still don't particularly understand) meant I wouldn't be friendly enough to one extra person for the day whose presence couldn't impact things that much.

I love a random guest for Xmas, it keeps the MIL busy and everyone else on good behaviour !

I think that's rude of him - telling rather than asking you about bringing a guest.

Coming for the meal/day is one thing (though my comment above still applies) but expecting to bring someone who is a complete stranger to stay overnight in your family home, without asking you to consider it, is really bad manners and uncomfortable for you.

Maybe I'm horrible and uptight but I'm sure I'm not the only one who would feel uneasy about my family Christmas turned into hosting a new person I'd never met.

You don’t know anything about her so there may be a good reason why he wants to invite her, perhaps she has no family. If you genuinely don’t have space for her to stay as well then saying to him that whilst it’s fine for her to spend time with you all, he’ll need to book accommodation because he would have the single inflatable mattress, no space for a double or whatever - but only if this is the truth

No. At this busy time when you’re juggling multiple house guests, it’s not on for BIL to invite someone as anovernight guest who he’s been dating for 5 seconds (and you’ve never met). DH needs to shut this down.

The only time I would go with this is once DCs are in their 20s and want to invite BFs/GFs. That’s not your current season of life—the random BF/GF invitation season. You’re in the Christmas Magic For Little Ones season of life.

That's a hard one...both yanbu and yabu

Well he obviously likes her a lot to want to be with her on Christmas Day and she possibly doesn't have any other family nearby to spend the day with, so while I'd find it a bit strange and a slight imposition, I'd do the decent thing and just say yes. It's not going to kill you. Spirit of Christmas and all that. She might be absolutely lovely and spend the day playing with your children.

My husband was divorced and invited his work colleague who he'd met in November (he'd come from India to work) to his family for Christmas then invited him and his wife a couple of Christmases later. I think it's lovely

FWIW, DH and I hosted my sister's extremely new boyfriend last Christmas. We hadn't met him before but he'd have been on his own and we reckoned that it turned out to be awful, we could encourage them to leave after lunch. It worked out fine and they are still together. But I would not have invited them to stay - that would be a step too far.

If its just the day time and you don't have to move bedrooms around to accommodate them, then I'd say fine. But do check she's not a gluten free vegan with a nut allergy or something. That would add to the hassle.

With nearly two weeks to go I wouldn’t call it unexpected but it is rude for him to say he might come and he may bring someone. He should tell you if they’re coming or not.

Sorry, I must be a real grouch but I would hate this. A complete stranger for who knows how long and potentially staying a few days! Yuk . Also incredibly cheeky the way BIL threw it in the conversation!

I wouldn't say no though,just to clarify

I'm in the more the merrier camp. It's a meal and a couple of hours with children and presents as distractions. There's not much can go wrong.
Check if she's a veggie or vegan, and make sure your bil is aware of your plan for the day - lunch at 1pm, then dog walk, board games etc so they know what to expect.

I'd not be happy at first but if he's just come out of a long relationship I'd be inclined to say ok.

I would be watching for excessive festive snogging though.

Id find it hard not be a bit 🤨 about someone who hasn't already made plans for Christmas with or without her new shag. It does seem a bit "sex before loved ones" at a generally "loved ones first" time of year. There must surely (hopefully)be people in her life more important to her than her boyfriends family that she hasn't even met.

I wonder if BiL.was sounding your DH out before suggesting it to her in case she had no plans - but will be gracious -nay pleased- if she is going to be with her nearest and dearest. Which seems less self-centred.

Of course we know absolutely nothing about her situation. I just think if they are desperate to spend.the time together because early relationship lust it's a bit cringe of them.

I agree.

I think it depends how big your house is, how long for, and how much graft DH does. For Xmas day I’d say yes for sure. The rest would depend.

Could you arrange a quick video call before just to take off some of the pressure and get to know her a bit?

I think it would be kind to invite her too. In my experience, families are often better when there is an outsider present. But don’t treat her like a special guest, she has to muck in with everyone and help.

I think it depends massively on how long they’ll be staying. A few days - I’d not be best pleased. Coming for Xmas day lunch - fine.

I don't see the issue. Plenty of people will meet the new partners of family members for the first time over Christmas. One extra person doesn't require and significant additional catering