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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

282 replies

Purtyburty · 12/12/2025 11:17

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Purtyburty · 27/12/2025 08:05

@custardcreme77 Happy New Year to you too! Hope you also had a lovely Christmas. BIL phoned on Christmas Day from Rome and seemed happy. He is still there - I think it all worked out for the best to be honest. He needed a bit of escapism this year x

OP posts:
custardcreme77 · 27/12/2025 04:29

Hi OP, hope you had a lovely Christmas.

Is your BiL still in Rome?

Happy New Year to you.

SMDX3 · 20/12/2025 20:33

Purtyburty · 12/12/2025 11:17

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

Think how awkward or nervous she is going to feel coming to her new boyfriend’s families house for Christmas. If she’s coming to you probably either doesn’t have much family or really likes brother in law and wants to make him happy and support/ be with him. It’s going to be way more intimidating stepping into your house than it is annoying for you I would think. He has asked anyway before the big day so if it isn’t for you you have time to say so. No one wants to feel awkward in their own home so you make the final decision and partner should support that so you’re jot left uncomfortable. It’s not going to be for all day and most adults will head home after dinner if they are with a partner, sensible people don’t over stay their welcome. You also have the kids to diffuse the awkwardness or get out a board game and get to know his possible future partner. We were all new once

MimiGC · 20/12/2025 19:43

Purtyburty · 18/12/2025 12:33

Yes his girlfriend lives there. He has booked a one way ticket and just playing it by ear of when they come over here but don’t want to be tied to any definite plans.

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An Italian who doesn’t celebrate Christmas?

B33cka8 · 20/12/2025 19:13

Askingforafriendtoday · 15/12/2025 19:15

Wonder how you would feel in DBIL's shoes, if you were the one with a broken relationship and a new partner...

Not one for jumping from relationship to relationship and there is nothing wrong with being on one's own! Anyway he can have Christmas with her elsewhere it's not as though he's being forced to be alone is it

B33cka8 · 20/12/2025 19:07

scaredfriend · 12/12/2025 11:46

I think it depends massively on how long they’ll be staying. A few days - I’d not be best pleased. Coming for Xmas day lunch - fine.

Same! I'd just want to relax over Crimbo, not be hosting for a stranger ideally (sorry not sorry). It's a short few days off work with kids off school, we are all just trying to catch our breath

Original poster
Purtyburty · 18/12/2025 12:33

MeridianB · 18/12/2025 08:35

Who books a one-way ticket to Rome unless you live there? Is GF from there?

Yes his girlfriend lives there. He has booked a one way ticket and just playing it by ear of when they come over here but don’t want to be tied to any definite plans.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 18/12/2025 08:35

Who books a one-way ticket to Rome unless you live there? Is GF from there?

HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 20:37

Awww bless you all
It's like Tales Of The Unexpected
💚🤗💚

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/12/2025 20:24

Quick update. DH text DBIL to ask if he had made a decision yet and he replied saying he has booked a ticket to Rome so might see us in the new year. But also said he doesn’t know when he is coming back so if he decides to come back early he might come. I guess we will just wait and see - I don’t think further clarification will come 😂

OP posts:
HevenlyMeS · 17/12/2025 20:15

Your comment is absolutely lovely
Thank you so much for sharing
💚🤗💚

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/12/2025 20:11

FenceBooksCycle · 16/12/2025 14:56

Yabu I think. If DBIL is close enough to his new romantic interest to want to spend Christmas with her, then it's appropriate to make her welcome.

My grandfather, in a very "white saviour complex" sort of way, had a "tradition" that each Christmas morning he would go out into the town between church and lunchtime and find someone (ideally in his opinion a beggar) and bring them into share the family lunch when my mother was young. My mother never had quite the courage to keep that going but always made enquiries locally and found out 1 or 2 people who had no family and invited them to join us every year while I was growing up. According to family lore, the theory behind this is that if one shares with strangers in this way, sooner or later one of the strangers at your table will turn out to be an angel.

She may turn out to be lovely. Whether or not she turns out to be lovely, being welcoming and kind to you may be as much of a blessing to you as to her.

I think it’s a lovely idea and am very open to this but I presume this was more of a lunch and couple of hours after thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/12/2025 20:09

Theslummymummy · 16/12/2025 14:44

Lol hmm I wonder why you're getting those comments.

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Not understanding basic language acquisition? Sorry I am being provocative. They did well in provoking with persnickety-ness 😂

OP posts:
Manthide · 16/12/2025 19:18

FenceBooksCycle · 16/12/2025 14:56

Yabu I think. If DBIL is close enough to his new romantic interest to want to spend Christmas with her, then it's appropriate to make her welcome.

My grandfather, in a very "white saviour complex" sort of way, had a "tradition" that each Christmas morning he would go out into the town between church and lunchtime and find someone (ideally in his opinion a beggar) and bring them into share the family lunch when my mother was young. My mother never had quite the courage to keep that going but always made enquiries locally and found out 1 or 2 people who had no family and invited them to join us every year while I was growing up. According to family lore, the theory behind this is that if one shares with strangers in this way, sooner or later one of the strangers at your table will turn out to be an angel.

She may turn out to be lovely. Whether or not she turns out to be lovely, being welcoming and kind to you may be as much of a blessing to you as to her.

Dm used to do this!

roastedrapidly · 16/12/2025 18:18

this wouldn't bother me at all..the more the merrier!

Maddy70 · 16/12/2025 14:58

The more the merrier. It's Christmas.

FenceBooksCycle · 16/12/2025 14:56

Yabu I think. If DBIL is close enough to his new romantic interest to want to spend Christmas with her, then it's appropriate to make her welcome.

My grandfather, in a very "white saviour complex" sort of way, had a "tradition" that each Christmas morning he would go out into the town between church and lunchtime and find someone (ideally in his opinion a beggar) and bring them into share the family lunch when my mother was young. My mother never had quite the courage to keep that going but always made enquiries locally and found out 1 or 2 people who had no family and invited them to join us every year while I was growing up. According to family lore, the theory behind this is that if one shares with strangers in this way, sooner or later one of the strangers at your table will turn out to be an angel.

She may turn out to be lovely. Whether or not she turns out to be lovely, being welcoming and kind to you may be as much of a blessing to you as to her.

Theslummymummy · 16/12/2025 14:44

Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:08

There have been a couple of comments like this about how it is ‘expected’ because DBIL has told us about it before Christmas Day. Attempting to be semantical as a way of disregarding my feelings isn’t really giving me food for thought, especially when my use of the word ‘unexpected’ is correct. I didn’t ‘expect’ to be hosting a stranger for 4 days over Christmas prior to this conversation with DH. And now I am presented with that idea. Dear me.

Show quote history

Lol hmm I wonder why you're getting those comments.

Original poster
Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:48

Askingforafriendtoday · 15/12/2025 19:15

Wonder how you would feel in DBIL's shoes, if you were the one with a broken relationship and a new partner...

I would feel very uncomfortable with the person I had just started seeing, meeting family and staying at Christmas. Not everyone is the same so those types of comparisons can’t be made easily. I understand he is feeling lonely, and I understand that I feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of the proposition. I think being welcome all of Christmas Eve, most of Christmas Day and all of Boxing Day but not staying over seems to be a happy medium that DH and have agreed on.

OP posts:
Askingforafriendtoday · 15/12/2025 19:15

Wonder how you would feel in DBIL's shoes, if you were the one with a broken relationship and a new partner...

Original poster
Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:11

Thank you all for so many comments. You have given me lots of different perspectives and shared experiences so I feel a lot less anxious about the possibility of it. Staying elsewhere is something DH have agreed on so that the intimate part of Christmas present opening can be just us. However DBIL still hasn’t decided.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purtyburty · 15/12/2025 19:08

Theslummymummy · 14/12/2025 14:38

Ita not christmas day yet though and hes told you? So they literally are expected.

There have been a couple of comments like this about how it is ‘expected’ because DBIL has told us about it before Christmas Day. Attempting to be semantical as a way of disregarding my feelings isn’t really giving me food for thought, especially when my use of the word ‘unexpected’ is correct. I didn’t ‘expect’ to be hosting a stranger for 4 days over Christmas prior to this conversation with DH. And now I am presented with that idea. Dear me.

OP posts:
CommonAsMucklowe · 14/12/2025 20:38

I wouldn't want to be the girlfriend coming to a house full of strangers. I would be declining in her position.

Theslummymummy · 14/12/2025 14:38

Ita not christmas day yet though and hes told you? So they literally are expected.

HevenlyMeS · 14/12/2025 14:23

Yes completely concur with you Sincere Soul 💚😢💚

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