Snotty reply from ‘friend’

I don't think it's necessarily rude. Impossible to judge the tone of messages.

And if she hadn't replied, no doubt OP would be posting on MN that she'd messaged at 9pm to ask her friend what she was up to and the friend had read it but hadn't bothered to reply.
Impossible to win these days.

I don't understand why people think so little of their friends though. If she's a friend then think the best of her or accept you caught her at a bad moment and let it go. If she's not a friend, then why do you care?

100% this

I’d assume this was an in to you wanting to call to chat because you were bored, or wanted to put me on the spot to do something inconvenient. I’d know this wasn’t urgent otherwise you’d have just come out and said it/called.

I’d find this irritating on a weeknight and may put something sarky back. Luckily my friends and I are similar with wind down times on weeknights so they wouldn’t text such an irritating open ended question to start with!

Why were you asking what they were ‘up to’?

I would hate this question as an adult tbh, I haven’t been asked it since I was a teen. Feels very childish.

It depends how close the friendship is.

I could send this reply and it not be snotty because my friends know I love my bed/sleep and I’m in it any chance I get.

Yes, this. I can't explain why it is so irritating.if it is literally just an opener, it's very childish perhaps.

I don't know, but I do know that some people ask that kind of open ended question banally to start conversation, if you then answer 'not much', they launch into something or ask you to do something. It may be that she is very used to getting this type of message from the OP, and just finds it a really irritating way to start a conversation. I mean, if one of my friends just messaged me on a weeknight asking what I was up to I'd be a bit 🤔🙄. I wouldn't be rude back, but the answer would be something like 'sorting the washing', or 'watching saving lives at sea' or whatever. I may be a little sharper if I repeatedly got this sort of message from her.

Maybe I'm just not particularly light hearted.

I would have assumed it was a jokey reply, a bit of banter with you jokily implying that she's up to no good.
But only you know your friend and the relationship you normally have with her.
That's the trouble with texts when no emojis are used.

What was your message to her?

More of a 'hi lovely, how are you? What you are up to"?

An out of the blue 'what are you up to' is very direct so a direct /sarcastic reply wouldn't surprise me.

9pm? Gosh, you're doing better than me, I'm sometimes done by 9am!
@TheOpalFox your message wasn't exactly interesting, maybe your friend was just returning a similar reply.

Texts can be misleading. Hard to know her tone. Bit if a pointless text. I wouldn’t get upset about it.

"What are you up to" is a lazy bid to start a conversation and I find it really irritating. Its the sort of question that comes from a bored person scrolling their phone and wanting to be entertained. Her reply batted the ball right back to you. I don't blame her.

Personally just sending what are you up to to me feels like poor teenage communication though. If a friend sent me that line alone I would think they were being nosy or wanted to see if they could gatecrash my plans! The tone could be seen as accusatory too and sending lateish at night sounds as if they are questioning what someone is doing. At 9pm most people I know would be watching TV, scrolling through their phone, getting ready for bed or prepping for work the next day.
If a friend wanted to check in then saying that plus a bit more would make sense, 'hey what are you up to? Not heard from you in a while'; 'what are you up to, are you free for a chat'.
Just saying what are you up to feels a bit lazy.

Nope, but that's because I find texts at 9pm asking me what I'm up to rather annoying and intrusive.

Quite. So many just jumping to conclusions based on 6 words on a screen.

It's not weird. I often text friends saying "what you're up to" or "how are you? I don't expect an immediate answer, it's a simple way to keep in touch by letting them know I'm thinking of them. Nothing more.

People have busy lives but being rude when a friend is trying to keep the friendship connection alive, is plain discourteous and bad mannered.

To me it's a weird message to send a friend. I wouldn't send something asking what they are up to, unless adding something like are you free to chat?
I can only imagine a young teen sending this kind of thing, in which case the response would not be snooty either.

Yes it’s rude. People are increasingly rude. Are they always like this?

It depends how you read her question .. she could be warmly saying it tongue in cheek, she could be actually wanting you to guess because she’s doing something amazing or she could be snapping back annoyed because she’s tired or whatever. Either way it’s not something that I’d give attention to unless there’s a history of nastiness

I agree. There is too much unkindness and rude people these days when there is no need.

It's also often that the people with that kind of attitude then complains they don't have any have friends. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.

Well, you seem to be assuming tone.

It could have been said sarcastically. But it also could have been meant playfully - an invitation to guess? Assumption makes a ‘ass out of you and me’ - I’d check her meaning before concluding it was ‘snotty’

Having sex? That would be my first thought.

Or trying to sleep.

I sometimes wonder if many some MNers actually live in the real world! I have friends who would give that response and I've never found it rude or disrespectful. Just chill out.

The question was rude in the first place. Asking what someone is 'up to' sounds accusatory to me.