Snotty reply from ‘friend’

Do you text like you're replying here because that would be really annoying. Maybe work on your communication style!

Yes, it's a bit wanky. Absolutely no need to reply in a tone like that. I'd be annoyed.

Bit of a weird message for you to send too. Not really how my friends and I catch up or speak to each other. Might ask "how are you?" Or "what have you been up to?" Followed by some chit chat about what I have been up to. Asking wjat you are doing right now is weird. Sounds like you seen her out and are questioning it.

If your messages to your friends are anything like the way you’re communicating on this thread, my guess is that conversing with you by text is hard work.

If someone just messaged me “What are you up to” with no context or reason I would think “Why?” and be mildly irritated. If you try to start a conversation like that you’re basically indicating that you haven’t really got anything to say for yourself, but you’re bored and are expecting the other person to do all the conversational work to entertain you. It’s small talk by text and feels awkward and irritating to a lot of people.

There is a big difference between…”Hey how are you? What have you been up to recently? Did you go to that thing you told me about last time we got together?” and…

”What you up to?”

That’s rude and unnecessary

I'd probably not arse myself to answer...

It sounds like she had got herself all stressy trying to do something and she thought that you would notice. Not your fault whatsoever. I dont think it's personal. You could empathise with her or if you're in the position, you could ask her if she wants some help or a cuppa! Otherwise just give her some space!

On the surface it sounds rude, but more context is needed.
How close are you?
What ran up to the text - had you been asking how they are, or having a chat or did you just lead with that?
Do they usually stay in on an evening or go to bed early?
Do you usually text asking what they are up to? If so how do they usually reply?
Could you have woken them up? Are they annoyed that you ask this a lot?

My gut would be that the person found your text annoying because you should already know what they are doing at 9pm at night, and you either woke them up or you are asking a silly question.

Only you know your friend though!

It's a bit churlish.

Brilliant 😂. I'm going to steal that.

I agree. It’s such an annoying text and I would be pissed off to receive it at that time of night. I’d think ‘what do you want?’ I’d either ignore it )most likely) but I don’t think your friend was out of order. It’s a fair enough response to an annoying text.

This. I wouldn't even have answered.

Is this out of character for the friend?
If so, stop over-thinking, apologise for possibly disturbing them, and ask if they’re ok.

It is astonishing how much people overthink stuff like this and the collateral damage this sort of drama has on friendships.

Could be and in joke or a humourous way to encourage chat? Is that the time she cracks open a bottle of wine and slumps on the sofa with a bag of crisps? 😄

Reply with something witty and see what she says. 'Knowing you, you'll be legless at some Xmas party or other by now! 😛'

this.

posters replies blow my mind.

"it's accusatory" , "I'd never text her again" etc.

how do some of you have actual deep real friendships in the real world?

Yes its rude but more background is needed: how well do you know this person, what is going on in their life at the moment, whats your relationship with them like at the moment?

Messaging a close friend who you speak to a lot to say: “What are you up to?” is fairly benign and I would respond in kind.

If someone I don’t know messaged me out of the blue with that I would find it odd and a tiny bit lame. Is that really the most interesting thing you can say and does it merit them dropping whatever they are doing to formulate a response? Probably not.

I would have let it go, personally, but would probably have been mildly irritated by it. Unless you live in one another’s pockets.

it depends on the fitness. you're inferring tone.

if I text my mate that and got that reply I'd probably reply "omg did you just stop having sex to read my text??" or similar jokey reply. I wouldn't assume any of my friends would be sending it in an arsey tone

Of course you are right @QuickPeachPoet but OP asked for opinions so we're all just fielding suggestions.

Rude. I wouldn’t bother messaging her again.

Actually the more I think about it the more annoying I think "what are you up to" sent at that time is. I can well imagine thinking that answering "not much", which would be the case, would be the cue for them to launch into a full blown conversation, which I wouldn't want. I would probably ignore it andf not reply at all until the next day.

If someone texted me "what are you up to" at 9pm on a weekday I would think they were insane. The only time I would expect "what are you up to" is if the texter was then going to say "because if you're not doing much I could pop over" or "I'm in town at the moment, want to grab a coffee"?

Very rude.
Wouldn't text her again.

Yeah, I really dislike a ‘what are you up to’ message too. At 9pm if you’re at home surely there is no interesting answer? Do you really want to know that I’m on the sofa watching TV, or mopping?