Snotty reply from ‘friend’

Why are you asking your friend questions about what they're doing at 9pm? They are going to bed, alone or with someone, watching a gripping film, or wrapping Xmas presents and you have disturbed them for no good reason!

Were they a Race Across the World fan, and you texted them during the finale?

They're friends...

'What you up to...?' Is harmless and extremely inoffensive. I say it all the time to my family and friends, and I'm 59. It's just a wee icebreaker and a gentle ask to anyone to see how they're doing. Anybody who thinks this is strange is a weirdo in my opinion.

Rude!

It could be a humorous reply, could be a snotty reply, could be the start of a conversation...

I'd reply 'I'm not psychic, that's why I texted you!'

But that's the conversation I'd only have with the very closest people, and we are regularly far ruder than we would be to, say, a friend I see every couple of weeks.

Context is everything.

It's not snotty. It's probably referencing a TV programme she is watches at 9pm or something. Or she is saying that you should know what she is doing i.e. she works shifts so is sleeping.

Why even give it a thought? Just reply 'I don't know. Tell me.'

I would think it rude. Wonder if it’s just a bad joke, misplaced humour though?

Playing devils advocate but was it a time that you both watch a certain programme so she was trying to be funny?

I am just surprised anyone would be this much of a rude twat.

I think it's rude. 9pm isn't particularly late and I say that as someone with young children who frequently goes to bed at 8:30pm.

I also think they could have put their phone on do not disturb or something. If they can't (e.g. they have an elderly relative who they need to be on call for) I think they could just politely ask not to be messaged after whatever time as they can't put their phone on do not disturb but at the same time it wakes them up.

I think their only defense is they might have been very groggy when replying and couldn't filter their grumpiness. I'm pretty bad at filtering myself if I'm half asleep to be honest, because my brain is half switched off.

But presumably they had spoken recently which is why she didn’t ask what she’d/he’d been up to.

Or they do this if they’re going to ring each other to make sure the other one is free first.

If she is a friend I would just laugh and guess something ridiculous, if she is not then ask her? what? what are you doing? with some stupid emojis.

How old are you OP?

I am wondering if the posters who think you were rude or intrusive are much older, as this is a standard message amongst my age group and younger.

Yes it’s a rude response unless you knew that she was out doing something specific.

Me and my friends always ask the other what we’re up to.
It’s just a conversation starter and to gauge whether they’re free to chat or not.

She sounds like a twat.

It was a rude answer but also none of your effing buisness.
I wouldnt repond at all to that as its nosy and intrusive.

You asked a question and your friend asked the same question back, why is the reply deemed 'snotty' but your question isn't?

I'd find receiving a text saying what are you up to utterly pointless.

Have you replied to her?

If not, I wouldn't. There is no need to be so rude and it is appalling that so many posters think rudeness is acceptable. No wonder we are sinking into a the grubby mire.

Let her contact you and if she doesn't-well, much loss.

@TheOpalFox maybe they only replied because if they didn't you would continue to send meaningless texts to them.

Yes, this may be some kind of cultural difference. A significant proportion of Mners think it’s normal and a sign of being a good friend to send ‘checking-in’ messages periodically, but I’d find an otherwise contentless text asking what I was up to quite weird. If I were checking in on someone I’d probably say what had been going on for me, ask about how something in their life had gone since we’d last spoken, and suggest a time to talk on the phone or a drink or something.

To be honest it was a weird question. Were you asking what she was doing at that exact moment or were you asking what she was up to in general?

If she took your question as general I can understand the reply ie getting ready for Christmas, busy with end of year at work etc.

I'd just back off.

I wouldn't bother messaging her and wait for her to make contact. How she does so would affect my response.

There really is no excuse for such rudeness. Even if you had (foolishly, IMO) messaged post midnight (which you didn't) and she had kids (she doesn't) and she had been asleep, she could have ignored the message and turned her notifications off or, if determined to reply, just said 'In bed, mate'.

Done.

Just no need for the snark, especially when there's little uniformity in what everyone is doing at 9pm.

Especially now I'm a Celeb has finished 😁

I do agree that it's a bit of a pointless question, though. Most nights my answer would be 'Errrrrr, filling the dishwasher' or similar.

Hardly engaging, interaction wise, and likely to make the recipient feel a tad shit about their boring-ass life, if they're anything like me!

Are you messaging that a lot? Maybe friend had reached a bit of a small-talk saturation point?

Depends on your relationship with the mate in question, I guess. I wouldn't open dialogue with that but if I did I expect I'd likely get back a 'Trying to get these kids to fuck off to bed so I can have some wines. The feckers are doing my head in!' 😆

Well, you have t given any context other than the time, so it needs to be not be rude at all. It could mean ‘That’s a weird question’, ‘I’m doing the thing you will know perfectly well I do every Thursday night at 9 (drinking red wine, just after a Zumba class, seeing my FWB, whatever), or ‘I’m in bed because it was a shit day’. Or any number of other things.

"What are you up to?" is the sort of text I might get before a "do you have time for a chat?" text from a friend.

Similar to "how's things?" "hows tricks?".....definitely the language of close friends.

This is the kind of thing you'd ask your friend at aged 12.

Id find this so weird if a friend messaged me this now, kind of intrusive and expectd you to answer immediately. Nuanced, but very different from "How are you doing?"

I too, would feel annoyed if I received a message like this.