Snotty reply from ‘friend’

To be honest I hate being asked what are you up to at random times, I had a friend who used to do this a lot and if I saw the message my stress levels would go up because it normally meant she wanted something and expected me to drop everything, so I always felt it was invasive and made me feel like I was put on the spot.

I sometimes think I’m in a parallel universe on these threads. My closest friends and I text any time between 05:30 (rarely on my part!) and 23:00 - some of us are early birds, others are definitely not. Sometimes it’s literally just saying morning, other times we might just ask what each other is doing or where we are. My closest friend and I don’t live close by each other unfortunately but communicate several times a day, nearly every day of the week. Sometimes our replies are a one word answer, other times it’s like war and peace or we don’t reply for hours, it depends what we’re doing but I can’t remember in 20+ years ever taking offence at short replies or no replies at all.

I find all these responses about the OP being out of order for sending that message very strange 🤯

What sort of weird messages?
What's your frienship with her generally like?
Why are you sad to cut her off? Is she a good friend then?

Brilliant post.

Wanting to be entertained by someone is different to caring about them.

This.

I had a friend who was constantly using me to moan at. I decided to stop putting effort into her. So she'd text me "hi how are you?" And I'd reply "fine, thanks, how are you?" She'd say she was fine too. Then nothing! A few weeks would pass and she'd do it again. This went on for a year then I stopped replying, because it was clear there was nothing there any more.

She eventually called me to ask how I was and when I said fine, she sounded pissed off and said she'd sent me a few texts. Which she had, every few weeks "hi how are you?". I said I'd been busy and it slipped my mind, but that I didn't see much point in texting each other that every few weeks anyway. Eerie silence down the phone, so I asked if she wanted anything and she started moaning on about her latest woes, so I told her I didn't have time for a long chat, got her off the phone and blocked her number then did the same on Facebook.

A few months later I got a message from a sibling, who wasn't on my Facebook friends, didn't have the same last name as me and who my friend had never met. She'd somehow learned who they were, tracked them down and was wanting them to pass on a message asking how I was, demanding to know why she couldn't get in touch with me. Batshit!

I advised sibling to steer well clear and when they received another message asking how I was a few weeks later, they blocked her too.

Don't be the creepy demanding "friend" OP.

Is there any more context or back story to this?

Is it usual for you to just message a friend at 9pm asking what they’re up to? Was that just your way of starting a conversation?

Look - you asked a damned fool question with no context at an unreasonable time. You have to admit it's a damned fool question. If someone sent me that I wouldn't have replied at all. Ever.
I rather suspect this isn't the first time you've sent this poor person the exact same text.

For me it's because it soon becomes clear they don't want to talk to me, they want to talk to someone, anyone, they're just looking to be entertained or to trauma dump on someone .

Same with people you never speak to any more who call you up after a year or more. They never really want to know how you are or what's going on with your life, they're always on maternity leave or off work long term sick or their partner is away for work/in hospital and they're just bored. Having exhausted all their friends, they start calling up the rest of their contacts hoping to find someone not at work during the day or spending time with family in the evening and be entertained for a while. Afterwards you never hear from them again until the next time they're bored a few years later. It's completely pointless and a waste of my time. I cull my phone about once a year now and if I don't have any contact with someone for 18 months I delete them off my contacts list, then I'm not tempted to answer and get dragged into being used like this, which I actually find pretty hurtful. Like, I'm not good enough to stay in contact with but they'll happily use me when they're bored. No thanks.

How long have you been friends?

Has she always behaved this way or have things changed?

Just no.

She should be thankful shes got a friend that cares enough to text her?

Well I wouldn't text someone that if there was the remotest chance they're at work, asleep or child wrangling. So if that's what you did then YABU.

Unless it's my bestie I don't reply to that question anyway because it's just someone wanting to use me for entertainment to pass the time, usually, and I CBA with that. Either that or it's someone trying to trap me into a situation of replying "nothing much" and then asking me for a favour or to do something I just don't want to do and now I've lost my "I'm busy right now" polite get-out-clause, which pisses me off no end because I find it really manipulative.

If someone wants to give me information about their life, arrange to meet up or ask me something important then yeh, I'll respond at my earliest convenience.

Care to elaborate, OP? Was this an accidental post?

Also, what was your response to your friend's reply?

If I get a message saying ‘How are you?’ or ‘What are you up to?’ I usually assume the posters doing that irritating thing of sending a bunch of one or two line messages & check in 10 mins or so to see if they’ve finished.

I don't know, what's the context?
I would find that rude from some people, in some contexts, and not from others.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Living up to the MN stereotype.

What response were you expecting?

I would find it odd if one of my friends texted “what are you up to?” at 9pm. Different if they text with context like “are you busy at the mo? Need a quick chat.” Or “why are you up to? I’ve got that thing to drop round if you’re not busy now” but on its own I’d find it odd!

Well I don’t think I’ve text anyone asking what they are up to since 2006 but

If you text that on a regular basis it might get annoying. For example it could be interpreted as text me back and chat about what you're doing, without me having to put much effort in.

Or I'm looking to meet up without specifically saying are you free right now to meet/chat, so I can cancel if I change my mind.

Why would you want to text a friend at 9pm to ask what they are up to?
I can't stand these pointless banal texts, just filling in time because you're bored. I'm never sure how I am supposed to respond to generic one line questions. It's not a proper conversation, is it? Someone says 'how are you?' I say 'I'm fine, how are you?' and then what? Or 'what are you up to?' 'Nothing much. Eating digestive biscuits and watching Emmerdale. You?'

I'm never sure how these text exchanges are supposed to finish, or how long I'm expected to go on with the dull question and answer thing either.

If you want a proper chat then message and ask when is a good time to ring or meet up. Otherwise leave her alone to enjoy her evening.

Well what was she doing? Was it obvious??

you’re not going to get any meaningful replies without giving proper information and context

Do you never send your friends a text to ask how they are?

why did you message someone with that query at 9pm at night?

If a friend messaged me

what are you up to?

Id wonder what was happening and reply with

are you ok? do you need help