Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband building up resentment

237 replies

Jamans · 11/12/2025 23:56

I hired a decorator recommended by someone I know. My husband wasn't keen on him and wanted someone else but I went with my friend's recommendation.
It turned out to be a disaster; the final cost was double our estimate as we had to get someone in to fix the mess.
We've taken a big financially hit and it's set us back.

However my husband is seething. He won't initiate conversation with me and tends to avoid me as much as possible. I don't know what to do. I've apologised. He's taken no interest in the house or our finances.
Ive apologised and there isn't much more I can do.
i think he needs to come to terms with what's happend so we can move on.

OP posts:
Madformaltesers · 12/12/2025 16:58

30k overall! Do you live in a stately home, plus why the drip feed

SpaceRaccoon · 12/12/2025 16:58

I'm just hoping that's included a new kitchen and bathroom and it's not just painting!

randomchap · 12/12/2025 16:54

GoldsolesLugs · 12/12/2025 15:50

And how much was the original quote for?

As she said double the original quote, £30k spent

SpaceRaccoon · 12/12/2025 16:43

OP what work exactly did you have done?

krustykittens · 12/12/2025 16:37

15K EXTRA?! Surely that was not just for painting?! I mean, you can paint your house yourself! It would have a been a lot cheaper to take a week off work!

Brefugee · 12/12/2025 16:08

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/12/2025 15:52

Wtf

Did you have the Sistine Chapel repainted?

i thought Screaming was the appropriate response to the beauty that is the Sistine Chapel?

OP in your DHs shoes? i would be getting my ducks in a row. Your stupid action, that you really aren't owning, has cost 15k EXTRA?

How are you proposing to replace that in your savings?

Intrigued20 · 12/12/2025 16:07

A decorator cost how much?

Timebudda · 12/12/2025 16:02

15k fuck that.
If it's was me I'd be more than pissed off id be fucking livid.
No wonder the man wants a few days sick leave I'd be sick to the stomach.
I stand by my other post, this is not the first time you have blown money for no good reason For the sounds of it.

MoFadaCromulent · 12/12/2025 15:57

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/12/2025 15:52

Wtf

Did you have the Sistine Chapel repainted?

DH would be wailing rather than sulking at least tbf

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/12/2025 15:52

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

Wtf

Did you have the Sistine Chapel repainted?

GoldsolesLugs · 12/12/2025 15:50

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

And how much was the original quote for?

Xkk · 12/12/2025 15:48

Can the posters who said he is childish, pathethic, bully and sulking come back on this thread now, please?

snoopythebeagle · 12/12/2025 15:47

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

Jesus OP. No wonder he's pissed off.

FlyingApple · 12/12/2025 15:46

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

15k? How is that possible?
If it's that costly, why wouldn't you want to both be on board before starting?

randomchap · 12/12/2025 15:41

How can decorating cost an extra £15k to fix.

How much in total was spent? And what proportion of annual household income is it.

What's the plan for replenishing the savings?

Brefugee · 12/12/2025 15:37

steff13 · 12/12/2025 02:34

If he didn't like the decorator why didn't you choose someone you both liked?

yes. The normal process is to keep looking until you find someone you both agree on and go with them

TBH he is being childish, but maybe he just feels that you went against him on this and he doesn't really know how to address it without making things worse. Have you really deeply and honestly apologised enough? or are you minimising because you know you were wrong but have entrenched yourself in a position?

Learn and move on.

blackpooolrock · 12/12/2025 15:36

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

FFS! thats a bit of a drip feed...

Thats a huge amount of money.

I think i would have to consider my relationship if my partner done something which cost that much.

DuchessDandelion · 12/12/2025 15:33

When did this happen @Jamans ? Days ago or weeks?

godmum56 · 12/12/2025 15:31

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

bloody hell so 15 k MORE and what was the actual cost you agreed to???? I mean unless you are really minted that's a deal breaker!

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

InBedBy10 · 12/12/2025 15:14

How much did this cost? It sounds like 10s of thousands.

Why did you pay the first decorator if he was that bad? Can you take him to small claims court? Did he actually cause damage to your home or did you just not like the wallpaper, paint,, etc

As for your husband, you still haven't told us how long ago this happened. If it was fairly recently, all you can do is apologise and give him some space to calm down. If it was months ago, I would suggest couples counselling.

It ended up costing us £15k more.

OP posts:
InBedBy10 · 12/12/2025 15:14

How much did this cost? It sounds like 10s of thousands.

Why did you pay the first decorator if he was that bad? Can you take him to small claims court? Did he actually cause damage to your home or did you just not like the wallpaper, paint,, etc

As for your husband, you still haven't told us how long ago this happened. If it was fairly recently, all you can do is apologise and give him some space to calm down. If it was months ago, I would suggest couples counselling.

GoldsolesLugs · 12/12/2025 14:46

5128gap · 12/12/2025 14:22

Please don't quote me if all you have are silly insults. This is a discussion board not a playground. Being notified you've been quoted, only to come back because someone seeks to insult rather than discuss is irritating and a waste of time.

I'll quote who I like, thanks. Your quotations of my posts didn't offer any substantive discussion either. Let's drop it now.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 12/12/2025 14:41

godmum56 · 12/12/2025 11:03

"Yeah, I made that comment without reading more of the thread"

never a good idea!

I know, I should know better 🫣

WalkDontWalk · 12/12/2025 14:30

I'm with him. He was doing everything the right way, the adult way. And he asked you not to go with the bloke that someone you know said was good and who was telling you that if you didn't decide by Friday he'd take anotheir job.

And you thought, "No, I want it done now. Fuck him. What's he going to do?"

And then it all went wrong and cost a fortune that ate into his ISA.

What was your question again?

5128gap · 12/12/2025 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Please don't quote me if all you have are silly insults. This is a discussion board not a playground. Being notified you've been quoted, only to come back because someone seeks to insult rather than discuss is irritating and a waste of time.