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Original poster

Husband building up resentment

237 replies

Jamans · 11/12/2025 23:56

I hired a decorator recommended by someone I know. My husband wasn't keen on him and wanted someone else but I went with my friend's recommendation.
It turned out to be a disaster; the final cost was double our estimate as we had to get someone in to fix the mess.
We've taken a big financially hit and it's set us back.

However my husband is seething. He won't initiate conversation with me and tends to avoid me as much as possible. I don't know what to do. I've apologised. He's taken no interest in the house or our finances.
Ive apologised and there isn't much more I can do.
i think he needs to come to terms with what's happend so we can move on.

OP posts:
Oldwmn · 12/12/2025 19:50

Eyeshadow · 12/12/2025 07:47

I am 100% team DH.

He told you he did not want this man (likely because he’d heard bad reviews about him).
Instead of listening to him you ignored him and chose to listen to your friend above him.

Its his home too, you don’t get to go against his wishes.

You seem very irresponsible and I would be raging if I was him.

The only thing you can do is apologise and pay it out of your own money as it was your mistake.

'Likely because he'd heard bad reviews'.

Where does OP say that? Getting tradesman is a minefield - when you get a rec, it may seem like a godsend but isn't the golden key some people think.
So, it went wrong. That's no reason to sulk & I can't bear it when I see grown up men pouting like this & I seriously think there's something wrong with men who do this.
I see it happening with an immediate family member & it's awful.

godmum56 · 12/12/2025 19:48

Jamans · 12/12/2025 19:33

It's very hard to get tradesman to finish another persons job. I asked so many people but they all wanted extortionate amounts. This is the best I could do. Maybe if you were in my situation you'd know.

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but none of this is your husband's fault. How do you plan to replace the bite you have taken out of your husband's share of the savings?...particularly as it doesn't sound like the first time.

k1233 · 12/12/2025 19:46

zaxxon · 12/12/2025 07:27

This makes it sound like he has got some story going in his head about how "my wife always makes bad decisions" and "all our problems are her fault". Giving you the responsibility for future decisions means he can carry on that narrative and feel righteous, and justified in treating you badly, which is what he wants to do.

It will be very hard to counter this, since he is basically setting you up to fail no matter what.

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Isn't that funny. I read that differently. My interpretation was he is never listened to and OP does what she prefers without considering his input and opinions.

I'd be interested to hear why he wasn't keen on the decorator and why the OP didn't consider other options.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 12/12/2025 19:38

His reactions are childish. However you have REALLY fucked up. Why wouldn't you get 3 or 4 quotes? That's just nuts

brunettemic · 12/12/2025 19:36

Jamans · 12/12/2025 14:03

I just panicked and thought I had to agree right there and then. It was a mistake on my part.

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I don’t believe that for a second given it doesn’t tie back to your original post. You’ve fucked up, stop making it his fault.

Original poster
Jamans · 12/12/2025 19:33

NoisyViewer · 12/12/2025 18:48

How big is your house? I’m not shocked his a little sick. I take it back about his reaction. £15k on top. Do you mean £1.5k. Why did you hand the extra money over? That is mental. I’m sorry you said you’ve had issues with money before& even though I don’t think you should be restricted to access of your money I do think there is argument that he makes all financial decisions in the future & you’re too be given pocket money.

i dont know if I believe this story or not. I cant comprehend how you allowed yourself to be swindled.

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It's very hard to get tradesman to finish another persons job. I asked so many people but they all wanted extortionate amounts. This is the best I could do. Maybe if you were in my situation you'd know.

OP posts:
Oldwmn · 12/12/2025 19:33

Vaxtable · 12/12/2025 01:17

He needs to grow up

i would just let him sulk and just carry on as normal, being bright and breezy

I hate sulky blokes, they're such BGB. A good old shouting match & then move on.

InlandTaipan · 12/12/2025 19:31

Jamans · 12/12/2025 05:40

I wanted it done quickly and this person came with a personal recommendation. My DH wanted to get quotes from other people.

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Well yeah, that explains it then. If his opinions dont count he may as well save his breath to cool his porridge and leave you to get on with it.

Snakebite61 · 12/12/2025 19:02

Jamans · 11/12/2025 23:56

I hired a decorator recommended by someone I know. My husband wasn't keen on him and wanted someone else but I went with my friend's recommendation.
It turned out to be a disaster; the final cost was double our estimate as we had to get someone in to fix the mess.
We've taken a big financially hit and it's set us back.

However my husband is seething. He won't initiate conversation with me and tends to avoid me as much as possible. I don't know what to do. I've apologised. He's taken no interest in the house or our finances.
Ive apologised and there isn't much more I can do.
i think he needs to come to terms with what's happend so we can move on.

He has every right to be angry.

Buffs · 12/12/2025 19:02

I think you are going to have to eat humble pie until he comes round. If he’s missing days off work then it seems that he’s genuinely upset about this. What’s the alternative? Telling him to snap out of it isn’t going to work.

croydon15 · 12/12/2025 18:53

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

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No wonder your DH is sulking l would be furious too at your stupidity.

NoisyViewer · 12/12/2025 18:48

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

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How big is your house? I’m not shocked his a little sick. I take it back about his reaction. £15k on top. Do you mean £1.5k. Why did you hand the extra money over? That is mental. I’m sorry you said you’ve had issues with money before& even though I don’t think you should be restricted to access of your money I do think there is argument that he makes all financial decisions in the future & you’re too be given pocket money.

i dont know if I believe this story or not. I cant comprehend how you allowed yourself to be swindled.

working4ever · 12/12/2025 18:48

You need to grovel. The you need to book me urgently is a red flag - see countless scam email tutorials. Who on earth made the recommendation because I wouldn't be happy with them either. But you really need to apologise profusely to your husband and maybe let him deal with anything similar in future, that's if he's prepared to after what you have said. Maybe he'll make the same mistake and maybe he won't but you really need to give him the option.

Timebudda · 12/12/2025 18:12

TheCosyViewer · 12/12/2025 01:30

These things happen, wasn’t your fault. It’s frustrating and annoying of course but your DH is being childish and showing his true colours. Stop apologising and tell him firmly if he doesn’t stop sulking, you can’t see a future together.

I think op husband has been dealing with this sort of crap for a while.
And wasting 30k as just pushed that final button, she is the one showing her colours.
Cant see a future together if it was me id be at the court house in the morning wanting a divorce from her and her spending habbits.

Timebudda · 12/12/2025 18:07

Vaxtable · 12/12/2025 01:17

He needs to grow up

i would just let him sulk and just carry on as normal, being bright and breezy

You need to re read the thread and it is op that is at fault here.
Would you carry on bright and breezy if your husband spent 30k without talking to you first.
Id be fucking livid.

Roomforapony · 12/12/2025 17:54

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/12/2025 15:52

Wtf

Did you have the Sistine Chapel repainted?

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This👆🏻is what the 😂 emoji was created for, please can we have it back MNHQ? 😂😂😂

DuchessDandelion · 12/12/2025 17:53

I don't think the op is coming back

themerchentofvenus · 12/12/2025 17:50

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

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£15k for some decorating?!?!??

If the guy made such a hash of it and you had to pay someone else then why did you pay the first guy?? You shouldn't pay until the job is finished to a satisfactory level.

Cordeliasdemonbabies · 12/12/2025 17:42

Fucking hell £15k...

I would be sick to my stomach and possibly reconsidering the whole relationship if my partner's stupidity cost me this, especially if I had been trying to sort an alternative. Yeah this would take me a while to get over if I even did.

MrsPositivity1 · 12/12/2025 17:20

Good god that’s shocking

somanychristmaslights · 12/12/2025 17:18

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

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£15k?!?! What on earth went wrong? I’d be trying to recoup some of that back through small claims court or something from the original decorator.

BellesAndGraces · 12/12/2025 17:17

£15k??? No wonder you had to use up your savings. Your overall tone does not reflect just how much of a fuck up this was. You sound like it was an extra few thousand not blooming £15k EXTRA! Jeez. I’m with your DH on this one.

YouAreIn · 12/12/2025 17:16

Why didn't you agree a price? ALWAYS agree a price and then if things come up you discuss them.How did it end up costing £15k more? WAs it legit?!

BunnyLake · 12/12/2025 17:04

Jamans · 12/12/2025 15:29

It ended up costing us £15k more.

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Crikey was it Buckingham Palace being decorated?

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 12/12/2025 16:59

Xkk · 12/12/2025 15:48

Can the posters who said he is childish, pathethic, bully and sulking come back on this thread now, please?

Absolutely here for this.
£15k for a fix is just 🤯

@snoopythebeagle .... 🫣