Husband building up resentment

In the name Odin's cock....how much!

What was the original quote?

Depends on whether you have a pattern of overlooking his opinions and insisting on having your own way. If this is an ongoing issue crystallised by a financial hit, I'd be on his side.

How do you define sulking though.

If this was me I would need space and time to figure out whether I want to continue with the relationship or not.

Obviously it depends on how long it’s been and if it’s been months then DH needs to decide one way or another if he forgives her or not.
But if it’s only been a couple of weeks then he has every right to still be upset.

The complete disregard of my opinion would be more upsetting to me than even losing all of that money (although that is awful).

What??!! OMG I’m not surprised at your husband’s reaction. Good grief.

Yes, you could well be right. The story has moved on considerably since I posted that!

This is definitely on you. Even if he was recommended, did you go and look at his work?
To have to cash in your ISA’s shows how irresponsible you were not to discuss it further before going ahead. Surely you knew what his reaction might have been?

OP you sound bloody useless. I’d be fuming with you too. You’ve spent all your (DH’s?) hard earned money. Actually I’d feel completely deflated and think what’s the point. As he is. You’ve absolutely wasted that money. Poor DH.

He may actually not be sulking. He may be planning to leave, ill with stress, simply does not know how to cope with the situation, totally over dealing with someone who seems to have no common sense whatsoever, or any combination of the above.

Sulking is a major major flaw in anyone's character. I wouldn't put up with it for one minute. I don't blame him for being angry, she's been a twat. She has now learned that a tradesman who says he can start immediately, offering a less than 'extortionate' price is to be avoided.
I should point out that I come from a very large family of tradesman & women & would take their recommendation over anything but I wouldn't expect any of them to be able to start straightaway. If you're any good, you've got 18 months of work in front of you!

Absolutely. This idea that if someone says sorry you must immediately get over it even if it’s a £15 bloody k mistake is mind boggling! If my DH did this to me, I would be so thoroughly and profusely apologetic and give him time to get over it. He would, because he’s a good man and accepts that people make mistakes, but no man is a saint and he would need time and my reassurances that nothing like this would ever happen again. I suspect the biggest barrier to forgiveness here is her attitude to it all. Quite frankly, if she has past form for this type of behaviour and has now managed to clear out their savings she would be on shaky ground if I were her DH.

Your husband was right to want quotes. You've been very bull headed.

It says DH wasn’t keen on him - likely because of bad reviews or because of shoddy job he’s done previously.
Or maybe like every other person has agreed on this thread that the workman sounded dodgy and therefore you’d not use him.

If it’s such a minefield then you would get several quotes - which DH had booked into to do.

But no OP needed it done straight away and didn’t care about her DHs opinion.

I admire OP for her honesty but he has every reason to sulk after being financially ruined by OPs recklessness.

Yes, it actually comes across as very goady. If this is how she has been communicating with her DH after a £15k fuck up I too would be taking days off sick and refusing to speak to her. I wouldn’t even be able to look her in the eye. There is no real contrition or taking responsibility for clearing out their savings. Fuck me I’d be spinning if I were her DH!

You could. The OP has made a massive & expensive mistake. You should never, ever, ever take on a tradesman who can start right away. It's a red flag, means they ain't got any work! & there's usually a good reason for that. I wouldn't blame anyone, husband or wife, for going ballistic at the mistake she's made. I don't understand the sulking though. I would think, once the shouting is past, he would be on it, not pouting in a corner. I can't respect that.

Yes, very odd posting style.

Eat humble pie and get a second job to replenish the savings!!

I personally painted the entire interior of my house over the past year including woodwork for £700 worth of paint and the cost of purchasing a decent ladder.

Any way you can be more specific about what you had done, as this sounds crazy. I have actually had to get a tradie to finish another's job; it wasn't that difficult.

£15k plus your original payment for painting and decorating? No wonder DH has taken a few days off sick. This is an enormous amount of money to waste. I would find it difficult to forgive and forget if my DH did this to me.

I don't understand why the quote was so much in the first place. That's more than it cost to rewire my whole house + chimney repairs!

What did you have done @Jamans ? Was it specialist painting? Murals? Huge rooms?

"Then it's time to (both) figure out how to accept the situation and make the best of it while taking extra care to prevent anything like it happening again."

Divorce would work for me.

Who to use for the job should have been a joint decision and you did make a mistake going ahead with your option rather than continuing to look for one acceptable to you both. You've explained how this happened and acknowledged the mistake here in one of your follow-ups, but have you clearly communicated this to your husband and assured him that going forward the two of you will make joint decisions together? In other words, an apology for the root cause and a resolution for the future, not just an acknowledgement that the specific contractor was a bad bet and you're sorry for the hassle/money loss. I see that he's saying you can make all the decisions going forward, but it seems unlikely that he sincerely means that (or would if he weren't in a funk).

If this has happened quite reasonably, I'd give him time to brood but I'd expect some basic communication like "I'm still to upset to talk about this" but if he's shutting you out altogether then that becomes a real issue as it means no clear communication can happened between you on any issue. Even though you are in the wrong, the silent treatment isn't a workable way to handle things (unless he's completely done with the relationship, in which case he should also say so).

Is there anything you can do, personally, to help recoup the money faster - another source of funds, or economising on something important to you? If you've already done what you can, tell him that clearly and see if he has any other suggestions. Then it's time to (both) figure out how to accept the situation and make the best of it while taking extra care to prevent anything like it happening again.

I'm guessing you're a sulky man.

Well, you can also say there is something wrong with women who go against their husbands and go on to empty the savings account , but here we go. I wonder which one is more damaging.

That's a red flag. He's either got loads of work or he's got none. We live & learn. Many have been fucked over by tradesman which is why you should never hire one at short notice but I imagine you now know this so, unlike many MNutters, I won't follow on with this but...

...the sulkiness? The 'I'm not gonna play no more' is more than ridiculous, it's serious. I've watched someone being sucked dry by a sulky man. They're as dangerous as yer actual woman beaters, long term.

OP sounds strangely detached from it all.