Husband building up resentment

its possible that A) it was stuff that needed fixing....plumbing, electrics, building work or B) he didn't get a choice about that either and the poster just dived into the savings and did it....she speaks as though the second might be true but maybe both.

Even then unless it was dangerous or wildly impractical then there's no reason they couldn't have changed it when funds allowed. I note that op specifically hasn't mentioned repairs at any point which would suggest it's all to do with appearance.

I suspect it was more than just decorating. New kitchen perhaps

One question is why it cost so much to put right. If it was decorating then could they not have lived with it until they had the funds to redo it? In which case, the op's husband bears some of the responsibility.

This. OP you are so unreasonable and seem to have no concept of the level of distress you have caused your DH.

I would divorce someone for this. You wiped out the family savings. Do you have young children?

I wonder how long it took to earn that money? How many hours of your lives? Time away from family, time spent with stress not relaxation?

Your husband is so affected by this he has taken time off work. You seem incredibly flippant and you’re downplaying this massively even on this thread.

If you cause this much devastation just because you were in a hurry to make the house look nice for a birthday party, what else are you capable of??

15k? Christ on a bike. Do you live at Chatsworth? Was the paper and paint from Harrods?

So how is he allowed to express the anger that you begrudgingly allow him to feel and for how long? One good shout and then he needs to be over it and get back to work to re-earn all that wasted money?

I would imagine his feelings are negative and all over the place atm. Withdrawing and keeping quiet whilst he sorts them out really isn't that bad.

The word 'sulking' is such a loaded word, used to convey emotional immaturity, petulant or controlling behaviour. It immediately frames the OPs husband as the villain. Maybe 'pissed off' would be a more apt and justified description?

I’m with your husband. I suspect you put a message on facebook and a mere acquaintance made a recommendation. Tbh if my husband did what you did, I’d be considering divorce.

Everyone knows you get quotes first. That way, you give out the ‘take it or leave it’ vibes which puts off the conmen. Also, you get to suss their clothing, manner, accent, transport - to judge whether they’re trustworthy types. Absolutely right that your husband would want to be there for it. NO ONE says ‘I’d like it done quickly’ to a tradie.

Do you live in some kind of mansion? Who spends 15k on decoration anyway? You ended up spending 30k. Wow. I’d be offering to pay the 15k back out of my own pension and also promising never to make rash, massive decisions unilaterally ever again.

Even though it's cost a total of £30k?

100% agree

Honestly, it doesn't sound like sulking to me, it sounds like depression.

The amount of idiots who seek to make the man the villain in any situation on this site never fails to annoy me.
He had quotes lined up, she barrelled ahead anyway, and they're 15K in the hole. It's affected him to the point he's had to take sick days, so his mental health has suffered.
But he's childish, sulking and needs to grow up? Anyone who's said that on here need to fuck off.

Sorry of this has been answered, OP, but when this happened?
Was a couple of weeks ago, months?
With all the money and your insistence of moving on added to him taking sick days I think he is crearly rethinking all the relationship. If this happen months ago he should have move on naturaly.
Tbh we don't know the day to day on your life but by your post I would be very pissed off if I were him. I wouldn't want someone who has made a big mistake annoying me to move on and I probably would be thinking is living like this what I like for my future.

Why does he have to grow up?

I would be annoyed with you too. £15k is a lot just for decorating and if he expressed reservations and had other people lined up to quote and you overrode him and just went with this scammer then you were foolish. You don’t say when this happened but I think you need to allow him some time to get over it. I personally wouldn’t trust you with decisions going forward at all.

I would struggle to move on from my husband ignoring my wishes which resulted in an extra £15000 pounds!!

That is ridiculous. If the work was so bad why have not claimed money back / why did you pay?

It is sensible to get more quotes regardless of recommendations or not.

Yes you have apologised but that’s not something to just move on from. Are you just apologising to move on? Do you regularly ignore his requests and just di what you want?

Actually, on reflection, I consider the OP’s behaviour grounds for divorce.

I doubt it was painting only. For me decorating is a lick of paint but maybe there were significant changes like flooring, windows/doors, kitchen cabinets or bathroom. Otherwise how can you pay extra 15k on painting? Fuck me if i messed up that bad i would take time off and redo it myself instead pf spending more money. I think with these money (the whole 30k) if you stretch it a bot you could build an extension. It would be good for the OP to come back to see what the decorating involved but I strongly beelieve we scared her off.

Is refreshing to see someone disagreeing so respectfully and giving valid reasons not silly one liners. I see what you say, but you have to understand that people are different. Some like to shout it out, some like to retreat in their shell. It has to do with background and past experiences. My house was shouty and full of emotions so we like to shout it out. But i know people that grew in household lacking warmth and emotions and learn to deal with things by internalising their emotion. There is no good way or bad way, we are just different. You can not tell anyone how to grieve and you can not yell anyone how to feel or how to process feelings. I strongly feel this but I respect and understand your point as well.

This can’t be real

£15k for a painter??!!!

you can get a new kitchen for that

Is my right to be sulky. You don't like it, there is the door, is ok.

Totally with DH on this one - I would be so pissed off with you. Especially if I had people lined up for quotes and you completely ignored me. I would feel sick at £15k being wasted - poor man!

I'm guessing you are an argumentative woman.