Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not considered appropriate for men to comment on my body, so why do female colleagues think they can?

80 replies

Colleaguecomments · 11/12/2025 17:47

It was my work Christmas party last night. I am wondering if IABU to take offence to this conversation.

Female colleague complimented my weight loss/work at the gym. Another female colleague then did similar.

Two of my male colleagues were present and one of them (drunk) then made a lewd comment, no doubt intended to be a compliment, which I didn’t appreciate.

But he wouldn’t have said anything if my female colleagues didn’t mention this in the first place. It’s not the first time I’ve overheard such conversations over the years either.

So I suppose my question is - why is it seemingly acceptable for women to comment on each others bodies, but not for men? Surely it’s inappropriate either way when it’s uninvited.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 11/12/2025 18:12

A comment by a female that you've lost weight is not comparable to a lewd comment from a man. It is a bit odd that you are suggesting that the man wouldn't have made the comment if not for the women's previous comments. One is gross and inappropriate, especially from a colleague, and if I were you would be reporting that to HR.
But yes, it's probably best not to make personal comments whether you are male or female, as they can clearly be unwanted even if they are well-intended.

NotrialNodeal · 11/12/2025 18:10

I get this at work from women alot. Lots of comments about my bust and my bum. In fact last time I was in a female colleague slapped it! I cba to make a deal out of it but it is annoying as I hate that kind of attention. Funnily enough no men dare comment the way women do!

NineteenSeventies · 11/12/2025 18:08

It really depends on the comments. If they were along the lines of 'wow, you look great' I don't think that's an issue, from males or females. I don't think it's fair to say those sorts of comments lead to lewd comments from others.

Original poster
Colleaguecomments · 11/12/2025 18:08

firstofallimadelight · 11/12/2025 18:05

Did the female colleague compliment your actual body? Like your legs/bum/stomach etc ?
If yes I’d say it’s it’s a bit personal but presumably it wasn’t delivered in a lewd /sexual way with the intention of objectifying you.
If no it was more a general you look great/ well etc then I’d say that’s fine.
The man who made the lewd comment is gross and he should know better regardless of the conversation topic. Blaming the women for his choices is poor.

But the reason it is different for men than women is because of the misogyny/assault etc women receive from men every day. Lewd comments/ogling are the bottom rung of the ladder. It’s a clearer line if all of its unacceptable less room for ‘misunderstanding’

Edited

Yeah she was generic at first then specifically said about my legs and bum and what I was wearing being flattering, which prompted the further comment.

OP posts:
firstofallimadelight · 11/12/2025 18:05

Did the female colleague compliment your actual body? Like your legs/bum/stomach etc ?
If yes I’d say it’s it’s a bit personal but presumably it wasn’t delivered in a lewd /sexual way with the intention of objectifying you.
If no it was more a general you look great/ well etc then I’d say that’s fine.
The man who made the lewd comment is gross and he should know better regardless of the conversation topic. Blaming the women for his choices is poor.

But the reason it is different for men than women is because of the misogyny/assault etc women receive from men every day. Lewd comments/ogling are the bottom rung of the ladder. It’s a clearer line if all of its unacceptable less room for ‘misunderstanding’