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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can bury him under the patio for this, right?

72 replies

Changingplace · 11/12/2025 17:37

‘D’H is currently munching a bag of crisps and he’s poured the bag out onto the cushion on the sofa and is eating them off it.

I can kill him can’t I? Vile human being.

I can also hear every crunch and lip smack and he also just started playing out some shite on his phone even though the tv is on.

OP posts:
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Zov · 11/12/2025 21:58

Theunamedcat · 11/12/2025 19:54

I live near a pig farm if your up for a visit

😱

😆

Zov · 11/12/2025 21:53

😂 I have a shovel and an alibi @Changingplace

INeedAnotherName · 11/12/2025 21:20

MrsTrellisOgleddCymru · 11/12/2025 19:26

You ought to plan ahead for such occasions! I have a hole I’ve had dug for years just in case it’s needed. So far my DH has been lucky, but I’m afraid if he’d done what yours has, it’s into the pit he goes!

Ah yes, the unfinished "pond". I have one of those 👀

BoarBrush · 11/12/2025 21:20

ReplacementBusService · 11/12/2025 19:36

Omg imagine if this was a man posting about burying a woman under the patio for slurping crisps off a cushion. I have called 999 and also reported this post to Mumsnet. I am speechless and literally shaking.

Are you shaking AND crying though? Otherwise it doesn't count on mn.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 11/12/2025 21:14

that is gross

SabrinaThwaite · 11/12/2025 21:09

Not under the patio, no. Too obvious.

However, the UK still has vast swathes of wilderness where things can disappear.

MidnightMeltdown · 11/12/2025 21:03

YABU for marrying someone under the mental age of 6

PickAChew · 11/12/2025 21:03

OLDoldCold · 11/12/2025 20:49

Shove him under some leaf mould and a couple of gro bags then get some rare orchids growing and a couple of dormice. Busybodies can't disturb it.
Worked for me.
Always had a soft spot for MIL.

I like your no dig solution.

MsSmartShoes · 11/12/2025 21:00

I’m on my way with a shovel to help dig.

MakeMineAMilkyTea · 11/12/2025 20:59

Do you need a shovel? An alibi? A helping hand?

OLDoldCold · 11/12/2025 20:49

Shove him under some leaf mould and a couple of gro bags then get some rare orchids growing and a couple of dormice. Busybodies can't disturb it.
Worked for me.
Always had a soft spot for MIL.

SwirlyShirly · 11/12/2025 20:14

le sigh, I’ve just sat down but I’ll fetch my spade…

Original poster
Changingplace · 11/12/2025 20:10

ThamesmeadHammer · 11/12/2025 20:09

Better still, bury him under Japanese Knotweed 🤣

Show quote history

I guess I can never move anyway, could plant some 😂

OP posts:
ThamesmeadHammer · 11/12/2025 20:09

TheTaupeScroller · 11/12/2025 17:53

YABU to waste time posting on here when you should be digging already.

And put some endangered flowers on top, so no one can dig him up later.

Better still, bury him under Japanese Knotweed 🤣

Original poster
Changingplace · 11/12/2025 20:04

Schol · 11/12/2025 18:30

such a shame he went missing when you were out with me and I can account for your whereabouts the whole time.

Very lucky that, thank you 😁

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 11/12/2025 20:01

ReplacementBusService · 11/12/2025 19:36

Omg imagine if this was a man posting about burying a woman under the patio for slurping crisps off a cushion. I have called 999 and also reported this post to Mumsnet. I am speechless and literally shaking.

I shall give you the benefit of the doubt and say to you I like your good sarcasm!

Happyjoe · 11/12/2025 19:58

Perhaps not patio now you've put it on MN. Any large body of water near you? I hear weights tied to the feet are quite effective.

Theunamedcat · 11/12/2025 19:54

I live near a pig farm if your up for a visit

Jom222 · 11/12/2025 19:54

divorce deport abort do whatever it takes to end this now.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 11/12/2025 19:54

Yes do it soon and get him under the patio. As suggested by others you can say you were planting your spring bulbs if anyone asks.

gillefc82 · 11/12/2025 19:54

Trevor Jordache the swine……but make sure he’s thoroughly hoovered the couch free of any crisps crumbs before you do!

PeloMom · 11/12/2025 19:53

If you need an alibi shout 🤣

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 11/12/2025 19:50

Concealment of a body is an offence, so you should not do that.

However in the circumstances you speak of, I think you do probably have grounds for mitigating thr offence of despatching him.

N.B. I am not a lawyer but I have watched most episodes of Columbo in the past.🤞

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 11/12/2025 19:46

Changingplace · 11/12/2025 17:37

‘D’H is currently munching a bag of crisps and he’s poured the bag out onto the cushion on the sofa and is eating them off it.

I can kill him can’t I? Vile human being.

I can also hear every crunch and lip smack and he also just started playing out some shite on his phone even though the tv is on.

He'd be under the patio just for the fucking video whilst the TV is on, let alone for eating crisps off a cushion!

OneMoreProfiterole · 11/12/2025 19:43

What crisps are they?

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