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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Avoidable professional

143 replies

mauditsoitils · 11/12/2025 17:14

Im mid thirties and more or less single after a LTR through my twenties. Im childfree and happy to stay childfree.

Im happy and content in my singleness - truly- I have a nice life, good friends, amazing siblings, brilliant nieces, à career that has its ups and downs but that is rewarding. I am economically stable.

So here is the question - without justification - one evening many yonks ago - my elder sister made me promise to never date people from a certain profession. She didn't want to elaborate but just said "Don't".
My best friend of many years (Male) recently said as long as you don't choose à "same profession" you'll be happy. He didn't want to elaborate either.

Sister is an academic, best friend is a surgeon, I'm a lawyer.

AIBU to ask you to guess thé profession?

I ask because I am being quite nicely flirted with be a man who is "profession" ... He's a relative stranger - we met in real life but no mutual acquaintances.

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 12/12/2025 16:53

senua · 11/12/2025 19:14

Don't architects fit in with the god complex thing? They know the right design solution and woe betide the client who doesn't go along with it ... despite it being nothing like the brief, totally impractical and about four times over budget.

Watch Your House Made Perfect to see it unfold before your eyes.

That is the only show that makes me about at the TV!

Xiaoxiong · 12/12/2025 15:38

at least his massives mistakes didn't outlive him

Yep, this dark humour tracks 100% with the surgeons I have met in the past!

krustykittens · 12/12/2025 15:26

I burst out laughing at the surgeon saying his mistakes don't outlive him! Yeah, surely that is FAR worse than anything an architect could do! I'm going to hell....

Honestly, OP, have a coffee with the guy and make your own mind up. He might not live up to the stereotype at all. Someone mentioned journalists up thread, saying long hours, lots of travel, and dangerous work. Myself and my husband are both business journalists, we keep business hours. Very little oversea travel, especially since the advent of Zoom and no danger involved at all! We both work from home and have a pretty stress free life. A coffee isn't going to hurt!

Ormally · 12/12/2025 09:26

Yes! But I think the telling thing is that this was supposed to be the ideal man...
With time, in my opinion, this would be a dangerous point of view ! Though admittedly quite attractive on some levels.

Original poster
mauditsoitils · 12/12/2025 09:12

Ormally · 11/12/2025 22:51

See 'The Fountainhead'.
Thought you were going to say Therapist.

I want to read that now!

OP posts:
Original poster
mauditsoitils · 12/12/2025 09:11

senua · 12/12/2025 08:56

I think your best plan of action is:
Agree to go for a coffee. This will not be a Date; it will be a fact-finding mission where you establish whether he is Residential, Restoration, Commercial or Industrial. You can evaluate other characteristics at the same timeWink as long as you remember that This Is Not a Date.
Armed with this knowledge, you can have a chat with your sister and see if she will amend the rules (get specific on which Architects are in/out) or, even, release you from your promise (because times have moved on and so have Architects).
If it's all good at this stage then you can introduce Acceptable Architect to your best friend in order to show him the concept of NotAllArchitects.

Bonne chance!

But do presentiments among friends on a dark cold december end of year slog evening after a couple of glasses of wine need logic?

Wrong quote! Sorry was for previous poster!

OP posts:
Original poster
mauditsoitils · 12/12/2025 09:05

@senua Perfect strategic planning! Need you as my wing woman ;-)
Merci

OP posts:
senua · 12/12/2025 08:56

I think your best plan of action is:
Agree to go for a coffee. This will not be a Date; it will be a fact-finding mission where you establish whether he is Residential, Restoration, Commercial or Industrial. You can evaluate other characteristics at the same timeWink as long as you remember that This Is Not a Date.
Armed with this knowledge, you can have a chat with your sister and see if she will amend the rules (get specific on which Architects are in/out) or, even, release you from your promise (because times have moved on and so have Architects).
If it's all good at this stage then you can introduce Acceptable Architect to your best friend in order to show him the concept of NotAllArchitects.

Bonne chance!

BeNoisyFish · 12/12/2025 08:22

That is a really bizarre outlook from your friends. I don't understand their logic at all.

Original poster
mauditsoitils · 12/12/2025 08:03

Good Morning!

So I asked the friends I was out with yesterday (some of whom know my best friend, some of whom know my sister).

The consensus was notallarchitects apparently. According to the group Residential architects and Restoration architects are okay. Commercial and Industrial architects are to be avoided. There was talk of ego and self importance and arrogance. Exacting standards. The fact that if you live with an architect your house is "their home and their project" before being your home. And of regimental clothing and glasses. No mention of money/lack of/spending habits/overbudgeting.

As for the veto from my sister... we couldn't work out why she is so strongly anti architect, however a friend pointed out that her (lovely husband - structural engineer ) has worked on quite a few projects with architects, and maybe thats where it comes from.

As for best friend, it's a bit sadder, I knew he was horrifically bullied through high school, he still in his late thirties brings it up sometimes, but not really that much more about that period. A friend who knew him as a teenager told us that both the ringleaders of the bullies (1 girl, 1 boy) went on to become architects.

When I told the surgeon who was with us that people also apparently don't want to date surgeons he replied explained that at least his massives mistakes didn't outlive him and that industriel architects make mistakes that scar landscapes and public budgets for generations and generations.

OP posts:
CunningLinguist2 · 11/12/2025 23:06

mauditsoitils · 11/12/2025 17:14

Im mid thirties and more or less single after a LTR through my twenties. Im childfree and happy to stay childfree.

Im happy and content in my singleness - truly- I have a nice life, good friends, amazing siblings, brilliant nieces, à career that has its ups and downs but that is rewarding. I am economically stable.

So here is the question - without justification - one evening many yonks ago - my elder sister made me promise to never date people from a certain profession. She didn't want to elaborate but just said "Don't".
My best friend of many years (Male) recently said as long as you don't choose à "same profession" you'll be happy. He didn't want to elaborate either.

Sister is an academic, best friend is a surgeon, I'm a lawyer.

AIBU to ask you to guess thé profession?

I ask because I am being quite nicely flirted with be a man who is "profession" ... He's a relative stranger - we met in real life but no mutual acquaintances.

Estate agent?

Ormally · 11/12/2025 22:51

See 'The Fountainhead'.
Thought you were going to say Therapist.

Larymarylary · 11/12/2025 22:51

My cousin is married to an architect. He’s a really lovely man. They have two children and a seemingly happy life.

MorrisseysMisery · 11/12/2025 22:41

UnNiddeRides · 11/12/2025 17:27

Chef

Reader, I married one.
A complete arse. Rude, awful to young kitchen staff, violent after drinking, arrogant and behaved entirely inappropriately when around family members on both sides.
Currently living alone in a bedsit in an awful town, which rhymes with Ratley.
Beat up a succession of lovely girlfriends.

BigMommasHouse · 11/12/2025 22:39

Forces would be my guess… due to the shagging around culture and use of prostitutes I would guess?

IntrinsicWorth · 11/12/2025 22:36

Ohhh. I didn’t scan to the end.

Architect? Really?? Haha, maybe that is the French equivalent of estate agent or surgeon in England.

Having said that, all the architects I’ve known have been a strange combo of mathematical accuracy with very demanding aesthetic standards. I guess that is kind of the point. I shared a house with one on my year abroad and then also dated one for 4 months. A sample of 2, so very scientific.

IntrinsicWorth · 11/12/2025 22:32

I have no idea what your forbidden profession is but mine would be:

-musician
-artist
-politician
-influencer
-career criminal

mustytrusty · 11/12/2025 22:30

Oh just seen OP’s update. I didn’t see that coming!

mustytrusty · 11/12/2025 22:29

Police officer, armed forces or butcher are the professions of be wary of. I’m going for copper.

Pavementworrier · 11/12/2025 22:28

Not a profession, though

Pavementworrier · 11/12/2025 22:27

mauditsoitils · 11/12/2025 18:47

Ok! It’s architect… I now need theories why.

Edited

Oh... They ARE weird

VoltaireMittyDream · 11/12/2025 22:11

Children’s party entertainer?
Astronaut?
Mortician?

MadTurkey · 11/12/2025 22:06

mauditsoitils · 11/12/2025 18:47

Ok! It’s architect… I now need theories why.

Edited

Oh, I know quite a few architects — two friends (who used to be married to one another) and another friend’s husband, and various people I’ve met through them. I don’t honestly think they have a whole lot in common. Maybe a rooted prejudice against tv architects?

Tosserneighbour · 11/12/2025 21:01

Dentist.

LMichelleFxx · 11/12/2025 20:58

No! That has shocked me!

My husband is an architect and I personally find him very dateable 😂

Only downside to the career is the amount of social award do’s they go on!