Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Avoidable professional

143 replies

mauditsoitils · 11/12/2025 17:14

Im mid thirties and more or less single after a LTR through my twenties. Im childfree and happy to stay childfree.

Im happy and content in my singleness - truly- I have a nice life, good friends, amazing siblings, brilliant nieces, à career that has its ups and downs but that is rewarding. I am economically stable.

So here is the question - without justification - one evening many yonks ago - my elder sister made me promise to never date people from a certain profession. She didn't want to elaborate but just said "Don't".
My best friend of many years (Male) recently said as long as you don't choose à "same profession" you'll be happy. He didn't want to elaborate either.

Sister is an academic, best friend is a surgeon, I'm a lawyer.

AIBU to ask you to guess thé profession?

I ask because I am being quite nicely flirted with be a man who is "profession" ... He's a relative stranger - we met in real life but no mutual acquaintances.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
mauditsoitils · 17/12/2025 10:00

senua · 17/12/2025 09:54

Ah, right. So you need to evaluate how the break-up will be before you've even started dating!

Got your PM thanks.

The next decent boulangerie for lunch is a 10 minute walk ... priorities priorities!

OP posts:
senua · 17/12/2025 09:54

Ah, right. So you need to evaluate how the break-up will be before you've even started dating!

Got your PM thanks.

mauditsoitils · 17/12/2025 09:02

senua · 17/12/2025 08:38

Hmm. A mixed message. Not overly swooning but nice enough to risk a second non date.
Are you seeing your sister over Christmas? - it's time to start the subtle campaign to improve her regard of architects. Maybe drop in a few references to their work in the Notre Dame restoration?Grin

It's not that I'm not swooning - he is a hottie - but prudence is needed - him being an architect aside - we work in the same building - share the same lunch spots... etc etc.

That made me smile for very outing reasons - I have PM"d you!

OP posts:
MadTurkey · 17/12/2025 08:58

YesItsMe44 · 13/12/2025 21:16

My daughter is a commercial interior designer and does Healthcare to commercial spaces, so has worked with architects from most areas. There's a high divorce rate, and a good portion of male architects have huge egos. They look down on others, cannot be bothered acknowledging any effort or level of work one puts into a project. So essentially an egotistical, anal retentative, self-centered human being.

In fairness, architects all loathe interior designers.

senua · 17/12/2025 08:38

Hmm. A mixed message. Not overly swooning but nice enough to risk a second non date.
Are you seeing your sister over Christmas? - it's time to start the subtle campaign to improve her regard of architects. Maybe drop in a few references to their work in the Notre Dame restoration?Grin

Cabdiraxman · 17/12/2025 08:35

Child minder

mauditsoitils · 17/12/2025 08:19

He's a restoration architect. (I think the UK équivalant is a listed buildings architect.) Lunch was nice. He seems pretty laid back. Didn't give off any massive ego vibes. Does have architect glasses. Was not wearing a turtle neck. We're having coffee Friday morning before our christmas office break. I'll give it a go having found out from this thread that my profession is also avoidable ;-).

OP posts:
mauditsoitils · 15/12/2025 14:26

I have been invited to lunch tomorrow. I will keep you posted!

OP posts:
Bikergran · 15/12/2025 07:46

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 11/12/2025 17:22

I don't think it is a related to a specific 'profession' but my advice would be to not get involved in any adult who believes in Father Christmas.

Good luck, and I hope that helps.

.....or any male over 16 who wants a lightsabre for Christmas.

Midsmale55 · 15/12/2025 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

2Rebecca · 14/12/2025 23:08

I don’t know enough architects to comment. I wouldn’t want to live with someone wanting to spend years living in a building site building his Grand Design type cock extension though. There is no job I would definitely veto. Therapists are a bit intense though so it would have to be an atypical therapist to attract me

CactusMama2024 · 14/12/2025 22:58

My husband is an Architect, we live in the midlands and he works on mainly residential! Nice clients who are mainly families. Luckily he doesn’t work long hours as most small practices have a good work life balance unlike those that might work in London. They have to be technically minded and creative.. Take a chance and meet the guy?
You have to study for 7 years to qualify so you have to work really hard and have a lot of dedication, all good qualities in a person I’d say. I studied part 1 myself and know that you have to deal with a lot of criticism and sacrifice a lot to make deadlines at Uni, I think it’s quite an achievement actually becoming qualified and as a bonus you get to go on holiday and look at beautiful places and locations! Give them a chance I’d say ! I’d say your sister has massively stereotyped them then if her husband is an engineer.

dancinfeet · 14/12/2025 15:31

Bailiff?

Queenjuliana · 14/12/2025 15:27

I would guess that they are talking about someone in the police force!

MissAW · 13/12/2025 21:58

My dad was a fireman. Devoted dad and husband. Shiftwork was swings and roundabouts but he made it work to our family's advantage.

YesItsMe44 · 13/12/2025 21:16

My daughter is a commercial interior designer and does Healthcare to commercial spaces, so has worked with architects from most areas. There's a high divorce rate, and a good portion of male architects have huge egos. They look down on others, cannot be bothered acknowledging any effort or level of work one puts into a project. So essentially an egotistical, anal retentative, self-centered human being.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 13/12/2025 20:30

senua · 11/12/2025 19:14

Don't architects fit in with the god complex thing? They know the right design solution and woe betide the client who doesn't go along with it ... despite it being nothing like the brief, totally impractical and about four times over budget.

Watch Your House Made Perfect to see it unfold before your eyes.

There was a programme where George Clarke took over a home renovation/loft extension. The couple were on a really tight budget, and specifically wanted a bedroom with en suite bathroom. He hosed all their money on one of those Velux window/balcony things, and left the en suite as an empty shell “to be finished in their own time”.

The husband was understandably upset, and George had the brass neck to be pissed off at their ‘ingratitude’ and did a little piece to camera about, “well I did my best with the money they had, no pleasing some people”. No you didn’t, you arrogant twat, you did what you wanted with their money and zero regard for what they’d actually asked for!

Wonderlandpeony · 13/12/2025 19:58

I have a stupid childish crush on a doctor who is also a part time musician. He's got red flags written all over him, can't quite put my finger on it but have a feeling he couldn't be trusted with a barge pole.

MadTurkey · 13/12/2025 19:40

Fernanie · 13/12/2025 19:04

As soon as I read the OP I knew it would be architect - I'm married to one!
He's a decent, kind person but honestly the job kind of ruins you. We met when he was a student. The hours for students and newly qualified architects are insane - the pay per hour when you start out is way, way less than minimum wage. He was offered a job at one of the big London practices and when he spoke to a friend who already worked there she said "We usually work 6 days a week, but often I'm home by 10pm". He ended up taking a role at a less prestigious place with better hours, but even then he regularly had to work late into the evening, go in at weekends etc.
When they're working to a deadline it's all-consuming. DH's boss at the time wanted him to bring some work on our honeymoon because the deadline was looming. He's worked at about 4 different practices now, all in London, and only one - a small startup owned by a man with young kids - had what I would describe as reasonable expectations regarding a work/life balance.
Then there's the perfectionism - I think to be a good architect you have to have really high standards for how things are presented. So god forbid you ever embark on any home improvements of your own - they will have a vision of perfection for how the project turns out, and it will never quite meet their vision. So there's a lot of general dissatisfaction. DH is constantly grumbling about some niggle with the architraves or whatnot.
And of course if you go on holiday, don't expect to feature in any holiday photos. They'll all be of structures, textures, and patterns.
If they try and start a practice on their own, they have to work 24/7 on it (as do many small business owners, I imagine). One of the ways they get work is by entering competitions. So they'll spend weeks working 24/7 (unpaid) on a bid to submit, and statistically they're unlikely to win. Which is a little precarious financially, and also they have to have a really thick skin to handle all the knock-backs.
Don't get me wrong, DH is fantastic, but if I could change one thing about him it would be his profession. His mental health, and pur quality of life, have both taken a battering.

Edited

I recognise the general minor dissatisfactions in my architect friends. One in particular is unbearable because his eyes skip immediately to problems. We have the same dentist and he’s bothered by the fact that one of the doors in the surgery opens the ‘wrong’ way.

tartyflette · 13/12/2025 19:28

CarrotVan · 11/12/2025 18:57

And always wore neutrals! That may be an architect thing. Also statement glasses

Yes!
i was about to say this very thing.
( and impeccably, painfully design conscious, you can never buy them a gift. Ever — it will just be wrong.) )

Worklifewhat · 13/12/2025 19:20

As a military & NHS surgeon it seems I’m bottom of the pile! 😂

Fernanie · 13/12/2025 19:04

As soon as I read the OP I knew it would be architect - I'm married to one!
He's a decent, kind person but honestly the job kind of ruins you. We met when he was a student. The hours for students and newly qualified architects are insane - the pay per hour when you start out is way, way less than minimum wage. He was offered a job at one of the big London practices and when he spoke to a friend who already worked there she said "We usually work 6 days a week, but often I'm home by 10pm". He ended up taking a role at a less prestigious place with better hours, but even then he regularly had to work late into the evening, go in at weekends etc.
When they're working to a deadline it's all-consuming. DH's boss at the time wanted him to bring some work on our honeymoon because the deadline was looming. He's worked at about 4 different practices now, all in London, and only one - a small startup owned by a man with young kids - had what I would describe as reasonable expectations regarding a work/life balance.
Then there's the perfectionism - I think to be a good architect you have to have really high standards for how things are presented. So god forbid you ever embark on any home improvements of your own - they will have a vision of perfection for how the project turns out, and it will never quite meet their vision. So there's a lot of general dissatisfaction. DH is constantly grumbling about some niggle with the architraves or whatnot.
And of course if you go on holiday, don't expect to feature in any holiday photos. They'll all be of structures, textures, and patterns.
If they try and start a practice on their own, they have to work 24/7 on it (as do many small business owners, I imagine). One of the ways they get work is by entering competitions. So they'll spend weeks working 24/7 (unpaid) on a bid to submit, and statistically they're unlikely to win. Which is a little precarious financially, and also they have to have a really thick skin to handle all the knock-backs.
Don't get me wrong, DH is fantastic, but if I could change one thing about him it would be his profession. His mental health, and pur quality of life, have both taken a battering.

Midsmale55 · 13/12/2025 18:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bill98502 · 13/12/2025 18:43

Engineer?

OlPennyRadford · 13/12/2025 18:38

Okay, I clearly misread OP and I thought this was about not getting involved with someone in the same profession as yourself; advice I would personally recommend.
Now I understand the post properly, my guess would have been Recruitment. Which is 100% true, although it sounds like they have stiff competition!