Newborn circumcision

I imagine this is hard for both of you, as you seem to have had thoughtful advance discussions and agreements about things, so your husband thinks he knows where you both stand, but it sounds like you've changed your mind. If that's the case, I think you need to reconcile in your own head that it's not that you're not ready 'yet', it's that you've changed your mind. Then have further discussions with your DH, possibly explaining that, when it was a theoretical concept, you thought you'd be ok with it, but now that your baby is here, the reality is very different (if that's part of the reason). I agree with another poster that, if neither of you can agree, the only reasonable thing to do is wait until your child is an adult and can choose to have this done, if they wish.

Similar situation , my son is now in his 20s, I couldn’t do it either, no way was anyone causing my baby pain. I
have talked about this with my son and he’s very glad I didn’t let anyone chop anything off him now!

Gosh, difficult, because you said you were on board initially.

The only thing you can do now is to say, very firmly, that you have changed your mind and you can't do it. How do you think that will go down?

It’s 2025, why are we still mutilating babies?

This

Circumcision is not a neutral procedure. It carries risk of bleeding, infection and scarring. It's not medically necessarily. Should you son decide to get it done later of his own accord he might choose to do so. Once he is old enough to give informed consent.

Personally it wouldn't bother me if he was called a different name by my husband's family. People sometimes have a name and a nickname and get on fine.

Why wouldn't you and your husband consider lying circumsion was done? How would they know one way or another?

Hard though it must be, you do need to be upfront with your DH and say that you have changed your mind regarding the circumcision.

Tell him that now that you are faced with the real life decision rather than the hypothetical one you have realised that you cannot, in all good conscience, consent to inflicting unnecessary surgery on your beautiful little boy. You would rather wait until he is old enough to make the decision for himself (probably as an adult) if he even wants it done anyway. You will only consent to this or any other surgery if there's a clear medical need and you would very much like his family to let the issue drop.

Personally, I think inflicting unnecessary discomfort and surgery on a baby and is awful. They are so small and cannot understand what is happening.

Nobody would ever have been allowed to mutilate a baby of mine in that way. I hope you can have this conversation with your husband and that it will be less problematic than you fear.

Would you allow your daughter to undergo FGM? No, you'd fight with every last drop of strength in your body wouldn't you.

Well you know what to do for your son then.

(Yes I know FGM is even worse than circumcision, but they're two sides of the same coin)

How can this still be legal? Would you be okay with your husband wanting to cut off your childs fingernails or earlobes to please his sky fairy?

Amidst all the hideousness of a massively premature birth at 26w was the relief I would not have to have this argument because my DH was, as it turned out, no more prepared to mutilate a 2lb baby than I was. He has survived the "trauma" of explaining to his son why their penises look different, your husband will too.

No, don’t mutilate your son. It should be banned.

Best done not at all

Circumcision needs to be completely banned for all children. I’m absolutely astounded that it is still legal to cut bits off a healthy child. Stop saying “maybe soon” and just say no.

This covers it. I couldn't look at someone who wanted to mutilate my baby.

This would be the hill for me.

I'd leave before anyone came near my son.

Its abhorrent

Taken from another current thread

Other things to ask her to consider. Would she accept a daughter to only be allowed to marry a Muslim man? Would she be happy with a son being circumcised?
These are things that I stupidly didn't consider to think of at 21. When my ds was born, I point blank refused to circumcise him which was a major cause of the marriage breaking down.

Poor baby. Please say no!!

I think you need to be clear and firm and say you've changed your mind and do not want it.

I personally think it is absolutely abhorrent. The foreskin is fused to the gland as a baby, it is a physical trauma simply separating the foreskin from the glans never mind then chopping off the foreskin with little to no pain relief for no medical reason.

Our job as parents is to protect our children from harm, not knowingly put them in harms way for the sake of tradition.

OP, this is very difficult now because your DH and his family are expecting to go ahead with something you previously agreed with.

I think that rather than keep prevaricating and putting it off so that it hangs over you as a constant pressure, it might be best to come straight out with it and tell your DH you have absolutely changed your mind and do not consent to it.

Be understanding that for him and his family this will be very hard to understand and accept, but maybe acknowledge that to him and explain that it is equally hard for you to accept or agree to.

You have the legal right to veto this. Consent is needed from both parents to circumcise a child. Speak to your health visitor and have it put on your child's notes that you do not and will not consent to circumcision except for acute and present medical need.

It won't be easy but you are your little boy's advocate. I personally could not consent to cutting off a bit of my child's flesh in service of a religion that was not my own. But your DH will feel equally strongly the opposite. And will experience much pressure from his family.

Good luck, I feel for you.

Don't back down. It's an awful practice that needs stamping out. Religion is no excuse and his cultural beliefs aren't more important than yours.

Not unreasonable and stick to your guns. This really is something you should have worked out before you had children though. I’m Jewish and obviously circumcision is traditional in most forms of Judaism. It’s something Dh (atheist, not raised Jewish) and I were made to discuss as part of our premarital counselling by our marriage officiant. She asked us to decide how we’d handle it and it became really clear that neither of us were comfortable with it. Our ds is not circumcised.

Although not anti circumcision he’s almost too old. Best done much earlier.

When you and your husband married, you both have to accept different cultural and religious practices, and the need to be accepting/flexible. However, agreeing to the removal of an important part of your baby's body is not something anyone should reasonably expect you to agree to!

You should both agree that your son can decide for himself when he's 18. That's the type of flexibility/acceptance needed here.

YANBU. There is no religious imperative for a Muslim boy to be circumcised as an infant. It's fine to wait until he's old enough to choose for himself.

I reckon if he's old enough to choose to get a tattoo then he's old enough to choose to have his foreskin removed, but there's precedent in children consenting to procedures at a younger age if medical staff feel that they're competent. The key is that it's his body, not yours or your husband's or his family's or the wider community's.

There are some religious practices that are abhorrent, such as circumcision and FGM. Do not let your husband force you into needlessly subjecting your baby to this unnecessary procedure.
If his family keep using the wrong name for your baby, tell them to bugger off and don’t let them see him!