Page 2 | Newborn circumcision

Mumtobe2025x3 · 2025-12-11T16:55:32+00:00

Hi all, my son is five weeks old. My husband is Muslim and I’m COE. When we were pregnant we had discussed having my son circumcised when he was a couple of weeks old due to my husband’s religious beliefs, which I agreed to. Of course marrying a Muslim man I knew of what came with it when it came to having children etc. we have discussed our sons upbringing and he will be taught both cultures, religions and celebration Christmas and Eid etc. my husband is quite westernised so he’s not exactly a strict Muslim. I suffered quite bad baby blues and when it came to discussing the circumcision at around 10 days old I lost it and said that I couldn’t deal with it right now and my husband said not to worry now and we will revisit at a later date. I thought i was ok with my son being circumcised but now he’s here I’m actually not. It’s been brought up again today and it’s not helping that my husbands pushy family keep asking about when it’s happening. I’m really not ready for this. We’re already having issues with his family calling my son by a different name because they don’t like the name we’ve chosen as it’s not an Arabic name! I’ve told my husband I’m not ready yet and he accepts this, I can tell it bothers him. Am I being unreasonable about this? Obviously I know what I married into, but as his mother and he’s here, it now doesn’t feel right to put him through a procedure that’s totally unnecessary as he’s not a medical issue.

CleoFigaro · 12/12/2025 17:49

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 17:02

Sorry, I wasn't getting annoyed at you personally - I was angry at the (sadly very relevant) point that you were making, albeit you clearly didn't agree with doing it yourself.

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No that's ok. To be completely honest, I just believed it was easier for a newborn but you have made good points too. My brother needed it for medical reasons as a toddler and my mum always said it was harder for him because he was older so I guess that was a frame of reference for me.

I think op is very strong for advocating for her son and refusing altogether and it must be hard in the face of so much pressure.

Mumptynumpty · 12/12/2025 17:24

I'm seeing phrases like " less traumatic", " less painful". And we are applying these terms to a newborn baby, in 2025?

We don't fully know newborn pain experiences as they cannot tell us. Our job as their parents is to PROTECT them from traumatic and painful experiences not subject them to them because "religion".

I believe our view of circumcision will be very different when your little one is an adult. Forcing him to have an irreversible change to his body without consent is, IMO, barbaric.

I also think this about ear piercing on infants.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 17:05

MollyMollyMandy33 · 12/12/2025 16:23

No, the worst case scenario is to inflict it on a tiny child, who cannot consent or complain, and there are complications.
One of the widely acknowledged reasons for performing it on small babies is that they have no memory of it and do not experience pain in the same way. Science and modern medicine have shown that this is nonsense and that babies do experience pain in the same way as adults or older children. There is also some evidence that babies may experience pain more acutely than adults. Further, there is also considerable evidence that babies may suffer the effects of trauma later in life, even if they do not consciously remember it. Even with the best care, any surgical procedure is traumatic. We used to refer to it as ‘assault with consent.’ Of course, babies cannot consent.

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Absolutely. If babies were unable to remember or suffer any long-lasting trauma, it could also be an argument from the filthy vile paedophiles like Watkins that what they are doing isn't really all that bad, as long as they only target them 'before it would affect them anyway'.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 17:02

CleoFigaro · 12/12/2025 16:02

I understand. I just wanted to point out that it won't be an easier decision to make as they get older, I certainly wouldn't do it to my 9 year old now any more than I could have done it to him as a newborn baby.

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Sorry, I wasn't getting annoyed at you personally - I was angry at the (sadly very relevant) point that you were making, albeit you clearly didn't agree with doing it yourself.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 12/12/2025 16:28

This is why I would never have a mixed faith marriage. Once you marry them there is no compromise.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 12/12/2025 16:25

I suspect dad will sneak off and get it done anyway.

MollyMollyMandy33 · 12/12/2025 16:23

CleoFigaro · 12/12/2025 13:32

I would not do this to my baby, ever unless medically needed. And believe you have the right to say no and protect your baby.

However from a medical POV I believe the longer you leave it the more painful/harder of a recovery it could be. So the worst case scenario is to do this to an older child.

No, the worst case scenario is to inflict it on a tiny child, who cannot consent or complain, and there are complications.
One of the widely acknowledged reasons for performing it on small babies is that they have no memory of it and do not experience pain in the same way. Science and modern medicine have shown that this is nonsense and that babies do experience pain in the same way as adults or older children. There is also some evidence that babies may experience pain more acutely than adults. Further, there is also considerable evidence that babies may suffer the effects of trauma later in life, even if they do not consciously remember it. Even with the best care, any surgical procedure is traumatic. We used to refer to it as ‘assault with consent.’ Of course, babies cannot consent.

CleoFigaro · 12/12/2025 16:02

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 13:51

The problem is, though, that this is also a 'justification' that is used by those who are pushing for circumcision: "it's much less painful and easier to recover from if you do it when they're little, so that's why we need to do it ASAP".

Aside from the very obvious fact that a tiny baby can't ever properly communicate their pain to you - and it's very easy to dismiss loud screaming on the basis that that's what babies do anyway - they never seem to go from a pov that there's no need to routinely do it at all ever, so the issue of how painful it is is totally irrelevant.

Once he's an adult, of course, it's entirely up to him if he wants it done, and will also be able to understand and consent to the pain.

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I understand. I just wanted to point out that it won't be an easier decision to make as they get older, I certainly wouldn't do it to my 9 year old now any more than I could have done it to him as a newborn baby.

caringcarer · 12/12/2025 14:53

Babies should only be circumsized for medical reasons. It's child abuse and you should stand up for your baby son. Once he's an adult let him decide for himself if he wants a chunk of his penis cut off. It is none of your DH's families business. If they ask again tell them you want to allow your DS to make his own mind up as an adult. That is the best option because it once cut off it can't be stuck back on. Also occasionally these operations go wrong.

Snugglemonkey · 12/12/2025 14:17

I would absolutely not agree to my child having their genitals mutilated.

smallchange · 12/12/2025 14:09

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 13:51

The problem is, though, that this is also a 'justification' that is used by those who are pushing for circumcision: "it's much less painful and easier to recover from if you do it when they're little, so that's why we need to do it ASAP".

Aside from the very obvious fact that a tiny baby can't ever properly communicate their pain to you - and it's very easy to dismiss loud screaming on the basis that that's what babies do anyway - they never seem to go from a pov that there's no need to routinely do it at all ever, so the issue of how painful it is is totally irrelevant.

Once he's an adult, of course, it's entirely up to him if he wants it done, and will also be able to understand and consent to the pain.

Show quote history

Yes, and it misses out the fact that it's much harder to force a screaming 8 / 10 / 14 year old to be circumcised against their will (would a health professional even entertain it?).

The baby has no choice - it's completely illogical to think that it's less painful, it's just less disruptive with no room for the patient to object.

ChoccieCornflake · 12/12/2025 14:03

Mumtobe2025x3 · 12/12/2025 13:17

Thanks everyone for your opinions, it has been helpful to have both perspectives. I will make my own decision but good to know I’m not being unreasonable according to the majority. It makes a lot of sense.

i spoke to my husband last night sensitively about it and said i just cannot commit to doing this to my son for a non-medical reason.
Of course he’s not happy, said he is not compromising on this - I said we’ll go ahead and try because I won’t be signing a consent form.
he then said we’re going to come up against differences for our son because of a mixed marriage and need to make a compromise - which I said yes in this case our son can make his own decision once he is old enough. That’s the compromise.

He then said let’s leave it a couple of months and revisit. I said you can do that, but I won’t change my mind so it’s your choice to be disappointed by the same conversation in two months and the answer be the same. I think he thinks this is impacted by my mental health but it’s really not ..

Good on you!!

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 13:51

CleoFigaro · 12/12/2025 13:32

I would not do this to my baby, ever unless medically needed. And believe you have the right to say no and protect your baby.

However from a medical POV I believe the longer you leave it the more painful/harder of a recovery it could be. So the worst case scenario is to do this to an older child.

The problem is, though, that this is also a 'justification' that is used by those who are pushing for circumcision: "it's much less painful and easier to recover from if you do it when they're little, so that's why we need to do it ASAP".

Aside from the very obvious fact that a tiny baby can't ever properly communicate their pain to you - and it's very easy to dismiss loud screaming on the basis that that's what babies do anyway - they never seem to go from a pov that there's no need to routinely do it at all ever, so the issue of how painful it is is totally irrelevant.

Once he's an adult, of course, it's entirely up to him if he wants it done, and will also be able to understand and consent to the pain.

CowTown · 12/12/2025 13:49

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 13:45

we’re going to come up against differences for our son because of a mixed marriage and need to make a compromise

Hmmm, is he one of these people who thinks that 'make a compromise' means that other people have to give in and let him get whatever he wants?

This. It sounded like that to me too. The compromise is that the son MAY get a circumcision—Mum doesn’t get her way and Dad doesn’t get his way. Son gets to choose for himself. Sounds fair to me.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 13:45

we’re going to come up against differences for our son because of a mixed marriage and need to make a compromise

Hmmm, is he one of these people who thinks that 'make a compromise' means that other people have to give in and let him get whatever he wants?

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/12/2025 13:40

You do need to compromise in a mixed marriage but you also need to pick your battles, and this is one that's 100% worth fighting. Don't let anybody make you feel you're being anything but reasonable - your job as a parent is to protect your child, including against unnecessary pain and surgery. It's a shame his father hasn't got that as quickly as you.

Also it's okay to change your mind on something once you learn more about it. So don't let him whinge that you "promised."

CleoFigaro · 12/12/2025 13:32

I would not do this to my baby, ever unless medically needed. And believe you have the right to say no and protect your baby.

However from a medical POV I believe the longer you leave it the more painful/harder of a recovery it could be. So the worst case scenario is to do this to an older child.

Ponderingwindow · 12/12/2025 13:26

Now that your child is here, the abstract idea is reality. You can now understand the choice you would be making in allowing circumcision without medical cause. You are absolutely allowed to change your mind and should stand firm on this.

GoldsolesLugs · 12/12/2025 13:26

Mumtobe2025x3 · 12/12/2025 13:17

Thanks everyone for your opinions, it has been helpful to have both perspectives. I will make my own decision but good to know I’m not being unreasonable according to the majority. It makes a lot of sense.

i spoke to my husband last night sensitively about it and said i just cannot commit to doing this to my son for a non-medical reason.
Of course he’s not happy, said he is not compromising on this - I said we’ll go ahead and try because I won’t be signing a consent form.
he then said we’re going to come up against differences for our son because of a mixed marriage and need to make a compromise - which I said yes in this case our son can make his own decision once he is old enough. That’s the compromise.

He then said let’s leave it a couple of months and revisit. I said you can do that, but I won’t change my mind so it’s your choice to be disappointed by the same conversation in two months and the answer be the same. I think he thinks this is impacted by my mental health but it’s really not ..

Keep an eye. There are cases like this where one parent just gets it done without informing the other.

CowTown · 12/12/2025 13:22

Good for you, OP. It’s your son’s penis, so it should be his decision whether he wants skin cut off of the end.

Original poster

Mumtobe2025x3 · 12/12/2025 13:17

Thanks everyone for your opinions, it has been helpful to have both perspectives. I will make my own decision but good to know I’m not being unreasonable according to the majority. It makes a lot of sense.

i spoke to my husband last night sensitively about it and said i just cannot commit to doing this to my son for a non-medical reason.
Of course he’s not happy, said he is not compromising on this - I said we’ll go ahead and try because I won’t be signing a consent form.
he then said we’re going to come up against differences for our son because of a mixed marriage and need to make a compromise - which I said yes in this case our son can make his own decision once he is old enough. That’s the compromise.

He then said let’s leave it a couple of months and revisit. I said you can do that, but I won’t change my mind so it’s your choice to be disappointed by the same conversation in two months and the answer be the same. I think he thinks this is impacted by my mental health but it’s really not ..

OP posts:

GoldsolesLugs · 12/12/2025 12:15

I think we should popularize the term MGM (Male Genital Mutilation). I'm not trying to suggest that it's anywhere near as horrendous as FGM, but it is on the same spectrum.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 12/12/2025 11:35

jigglypuff7722 · 12/12/2025 09:48

Probably going to get flamed for my opinion but here goes

I am also in same boat (non religious married to a Muslim man)

We did get our son circumcised at about 2 months old (when they are old enough to have calpol after, cant remember exact age)
The procedure itself was fine, he had an local ansethetic and it was like a plastic ring and eventually the skin "dropped off" after a few days. He recovered absolutely fine and wasn't upset after.

I was in the same boat as you and had agreed prior to having children and wanted to back track once he was actually here.

The reasons I didn't (don't come at me for this please!!)
We had always had an understanding that as a mixed faith marriage there was always going to be compromise. For example my son doesn't eat halal food as this for me was a big one. I don't feed him pork but I want him to eat what I eat, eat Christmas dinner at my Christian family house etc. If my husband had backtracked on that I would be annoyed as this was something we discussed prior to conceiving along with the circumcision

The reason I did allow it to be done; My husband is Pakistani and is circumcised himself and for him it is a big part of i guess his culture? As he's not particularly religious. He is happy he is done , personally rightly or wrongly believes it's cleaner and is happy to have that connection I guess to his roots.
I did sit and have a really good think-
My son has brown skin and it is highly likely that all his peers in the Asian community will have had this done. My husband said he would have personally felt weird had he been the one "left out". I know boys probably dont talk about their willies all the time but I'm sure there will be a stage of awareness at some point down the road. How will he feel? Will he resent me for not allowing him that connection to his Pakistani side? Or will he resent me for not stopping it? Time will tell and it does play on my mind

In a mixed race or mixed faith marriage it's very hard to get everything "right".
My son is just as much Asian as he is white and maybe he will be of the same opinion as my husband and be pleased to be done. My husband said he would have resented anyone blocking it for him but maybe obviously he's saying that from a perspective of he's already had it done so it's easier to reconcile.

It's also hard when something is very important to a family ie his in-laws or the husband and we just cannot get our heads around it. For me I personally don't agree but for his side it is very important. It's not as easy as just backtracking without some sort of fall out and maybe the OP can't mentally deal with that at 5 weeks pp

It's a really difficult one and I hope you make the right call for your family x

It's hard to believe that ethical slaughter is a hard line for you but mutilation of a newborn is an acceptable compromise.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 12/12/2025 11:28

I'm a bit baffled as to all the protestations of tradition and culture and the boy supposedly being ashamed and embarrassed for not having had the same unnecessary medical procedure done to him as is 'traditionally' done.

Who sees it? How does it come up in conversation? Do families and acquaintances sit down together for a meal and then one of them turns to another and says "Anyway, enough chat about this terrible weather, work and our respective holiday plans; let's talk about your penis..."

Even in changing rooms, it's still massively weird for other people to be deliberately focusing their gaze on somebody else's genitals, isn't it? And thinking it appropriate to make comments about them if they notice something that doesn't accord with their own preference/situation? To be honest, I find that seriously creepy and red-flaggy if somebody is doing that - and I would venture that they are the one who is obviously well out of order for being obsessed about it, not you for having a body that is slightly different from theirs.

scorpiogirly · 12/12/2025 10:31

YANBU. It's barbaric.