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Original poster

I think a mom needs time to rest to recover from the flu

39 replies

the2ndmom · 11/12/2025 16:10

Firstly, I want to make this clear because people on the internet can get confused about this. I am a woman. My spouse is another woman. We're both wives. It's two women.

Anyway, my wife has a 7 year old biological daughter. I'm to be seen like another mother to that little angel. It's my wife, our daughter, and me in the house. We all caught the flu.

Even with the fever, muscle aches, sneezing, coughing, runny nose, and even the occasional diarrhea/vomiting, my partner is up and about around the house. So is our daughter. I'm either laying in bed, on the toilet, or in the bath. I feel beaten down.

My wife make a remark, accusing me of being a big baby and saying the flu shouldn't stop a mom. I think I am entitled to a little rest to recover. Am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Original poster
the2ndmom · 11/12/2025 16:30

ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:28

Bugger. That. Does she not believe you are unwell?

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It's more, she thinks that a mom must be able to push through the flu. I can understand that to some extent, if there is something pressing. But nothing is pressing.

OP posts:
BellaBal · 11/12/2025 16:29

Your wife sounds unsympathetic; people will suffer an illness differently for very obvious reasons. If you are sicker than her then you need more rest.

You are indeed SUPPOSED to rest and recover, that’s why you’re off school and work. On the other hand once you start feeling better sometimes moving and getting fresh air helps.

By the way does it make a difference that your dd is biologically hers?

BillieWiper · 11/12/2025 16:29

You should be able to say firmly you're not well enough for having fun just yet. You're glad they are but they should go and do whatever together as you need to stay in bed.

Flu or even a bad cold can make people feel dreadful for a couple of weeks or more.

Hope you feel better soon x

ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:28

the2ndmom · 11/12/2025 16:27

I could watch our daughter if my wife needs rest. But that not what she's asking. She wants the 3 of us to have fun together.

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Bugger. That. Does she not believe you are unwell?

Original poster
the2ndmom · 11/12/2025 16:27

CagneyNYPD1 · 11/12/2025 16:23

When My DH and I have both been ill (very rare), we tag team with the dc. Even if it is just for an hour so the other one can rest. Luckily, even with Covid, we never had a situation where both of us were completely bed ridden at the same time. If need be, can you sit on the sofa under a duvet so that your wife can get a little rest?

I could watch our daughter if my wife needs rest. But that not what she's asking. She wants the 3 of us to have fun together.

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:26

Right, so your wife thinks you should be up and about even though there is nothing to do? That sounds ridiculous

Pistachiocake · 11/12/2025 16:26

Sometimes people can seem to have the same illness, but one is really sick and the other not so bad. Regardless of gender, if one of you really feels more sick, it's fair for the other to do more. Another time you might be the one who is less ill. Only an issue if one partner always does more IMO.

Original poster
the2ndmom · 11/12/2025 16:25

ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:22

I'm not sure I'm understanding. If your wife is doing all the essential parenting work while you rest then that seems unfair. If on the other hand she is expecting you to do non-urgent stuff rather than rest, that would seem unfair.

This isn't anything urgent to do. My wife and our daughter are doing a lot of fun stuff together. No work nor school until we're better. Meals are prepared. Clothes are clean. Our daughter hasn't asked our help for anything.

OP posts:
CagneyNYPD1 · 11/12/2025 16:23

When My DH and I have both been ill (very rare), we tag team with the dc. Even if it is just for an hour so the other one can rest. Luckily, even with Covid, we never had a situation where both of us were completely bed ridden at the same time. If need be, can you sit on the sofa under a duvet so that your wife can get a little rest?

tinydynamine · 11/12/2025 16:23

Back in 2019 I was off work for 6 weeks because of flu...don't (allow other people to) underestimate it.

ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:22

I'm not sure I'm understanding. If your wife is doing all the essential parenting work while you rest then that seems unfair. If on the other hand she is expecting you to do non-urgent stuff rather than rest, that would seem unfair.

Tammygirl12 · 11/12/2025 16:21

You can’t take the same time out you would pre kids as you would as a parent (mum or dad or mum/mum) that’s is unreasonable. You can take a short recovery time but you realistically can’t take days in bed leaving your kids feral or your partner to do absolutely everyone. You gotta adapt a bit. It sucks but it goes with being a parent

Original poster
the2ndmom · 11/12/2025 16:19

ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:12

The question is are you more ill than your wife, who isn't getting any rest to recover?

I'm not sure if it's fair for me to say who's more sick. But if I had to answer, I'm probably sicker. I don't know how my wife managed to do so much walking and standing with this terrible flu.

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 11/12/2025 16:12

The question is are you more ill than your wife, who isn't getting any rest to recover?

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