Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a late invite isn’t a proper invite and to decline on that basis?

112 replies

whinch · 11/12/2025 12:38

Aibu?

OP posts:
Beerlzebub · 11/12/2025 14:28

Dollymylove · 11/12/2025 14:26

Yes definitely seems you are sloppy seconds 😅😅

Show quote history

That's - not what sloppy seconds are.
More like a pity fuck, if you want to use that kind of terminology.

Dollymylove · 11/12/2025 14:26

whinch · 11/12/2025 12:49

20 hours notice for a breakfast at a restaurant in town that would have required booking a while back.

Show quote history

Yes definitely seems you are sloppy seconds 😅😅

Original poster
whinch · 11/12/2025 14:23

Beerlzebub · 11/12/2025 14:22

It's a group breakfast? That would have been booked earlier? And it's not the organiser, but another member of the group, who has late invited you?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be a pity invitee either.

Edited

I believe so, based on previous experience and pattern recognition only!

OP posts:
Beerlzebub · 11/12/2025 14:22

It's a group breakfast? That would have been booked earlier? And it's not the organiser, but another member of the group, who has late invited you?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be a pity invitee either.

OopOop · 11/12/2025 14:19

Pollqueen · 11/12/2025 12:44

If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. Works for me every time

This is exactly what I was going to say!

Sparklinggreen · 11/12/2025 14:19

As others have said, it depends on how important it is for you to go.

Sounds like you don’t want to go, and are looking for an excuse - if that’s the case then you are entitled to say, sorry I would have loved to attend but I have a prior engagement etc.

Do you mean that you feel the invite was sent out of obligation than a desire for you to actually attend? If that’s the case and you wouldn’t feel comfortable going, then you shouldn’t go.

If however you do want to go, then I wouldn’t use the timing of the invite to stop you going.

AutumnLover1989 · 11/12/2025 14:18

Smacks of having to make up the numbers. I wouldn't go.

flippertygibbet4 · 11/12/2025 14:14

Depends if you want to go! You might have a great time!

Cocoagrowing · 11/12/2025 14:11

I once went on a holiday because someone dropped out. I had a great time. I find life's better when you say yes.

Milkbloo · 11/12/2025 14:08

I wouldn’t go, unless I love the people. It’s a bit of a smack in the chops to be a last minute stand in.

Worried198423 · 11/12/2025 14:06

Sounds like someone dropped out.
You're right to decline.
I don't do late invites either unless the whole thing is last minute.

5128gap · 11/12/2025 14:05

Depends on how much you'll enjoy the thing.
Personally I don't labour under the dilusion that I should always be front and centre in the lives of everyone I know. Just as not everyone I know is front and centre of mine.
I understand and accept that I will fall somewhere in the hierarchy of people others would like to have at various things.
If I'm not top tier for a person I will be included only if numbers allow. Sometimes numbers allow late in the day, and I move up the list last minute.
If I want to go then I will. I certainly wouldn't cut my nose of to spite my face because for that person I was originally part of the chorus and not a main character.

Coffeeishot · 11/12/2025 13:57

whinch · 11/12/2025 13:47

Thank you.

I’ve declined- I am genuinely busy. I also believe the person who organised it wouldn’t be pleased if I turned up anyway. I think a friend was inviting me to be kind.

Show quote history

Probably trying to include you just do something with your friend another time.

Paganpentacle · 11/12/2025 13:53

whinch · 11/12/2025 13:47

Thank you.

I’ve declined- I am genuinely busy. I also believe the person who organised it wouldn’t be pleased if I turned up anyway. I think a friend was inviting me to be kind.

Show quote history

I'd go on that basis alone just to see their face...

TheTaupeScroller · 11/12/2025 13:52

whinch · 11/12/2025 13:47

Thank you.

I’ve declined- I am genuinely busy. I also believe the person who organised it wouldn’t be pleased if I turned up anyway. I think a friend was inviting me to be kind.

Show quote history

do people genuinely live their life with petty drama like that? I expect that from primary school girls, but surely you overgrow that after a while?

Livpool · 11/12/2025 13:50

Context is important but it wouldn’t offend me. Even if I was a last minute invite if I wanted to go and see the person.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 11/12/2025 13:48

whinch · 11/12/2025 13:47

Thank you.

I’ve declined- I am genuinely busy. I also believe the person who organised it wouldn’t be pleased if I turned up anyway. I think a friend was inviting me to be kind.

Show quote history

Is the person organising a Queen Bee by any chance?

Original poster
whinch · 11/12/2025 13:47

Coffeeishot · 11/12/2025 13:45

I think it is wise, you are not really wanting drama just an "ear" or a vent, if you feel hurt you feel hurt. So you can either take a deep breath and go or just leave them to it.

Show quote history

Thank you.

I’ve declined- I am genuinely busy. I also believe the person who organised it wouldn’t be pleased if I turned up anyway. I think a friend was inviting me to be kind.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 11/12/2025 13:47

You can’t complain about incorrect assumptions when you are deliberately withholding information.

I’d just ask myself if I would enjoy the company and the venue and decide on that basis.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/12/2025 13:46

Go if you think you’ll enjoy it. Cancel if you cba or have other plans.

Coffeeishot · 11/12/2025 13:45

whinch · 11/12/2025 13:42

You’ve made many incorrect assumptions here.

ive been deliberately thin with information because i hate the idea of one of the group recognising me.

Show quote history

I think it is wise, you are not really wanting drama just an "ear" or a vent, if you feel hurt you feel hurt. So you can either take a deep breath and go or just leave them to it.

Ineedanewsofa · 11/12/2025 13:44

So it’s a group thing and all of a sudden someone has gone “oh shit we forgot to invite @whinch?”

TheTaupeScroller · 11/12/2025 13:43

whinch · 11/12/2025 13:42

You’ve made many incorrect assumptions here.

ive been deliberately thin with information because i hate the idea of one of the group recognising me.

Show quote history

Sounds like you should ask why they asked you at all, not why they asked you late 😂

Faceonthewrongfoot · 11/12/2025 13:42

This really lacks context. Is it a group of friends that you think have arranged something without you and just invited you now they've realised/someone has cancelled?

Original poster
whinch · 11/12/2025 13:42

MissDoubleU · 11/12/2025 13:36

Eh, perhaps they weren’t sure if they would absolutely want company for breakfast? And now they do. Sometimes plans change last minute, why does that have to be such an offence to you?

I would absolutely hate if my friends were like this. With us we can always cancel, rain check, or “hey, last minute but I actually now have a spare ticket” without all throwing tantrums at each other for not being considered even earlier.

You’ve now been considered, you’ve been invited. You’re being a drama queen.

You’ve made many incorrect assumptions here.

ive been deliberately thin with information because i hate the idea of one of the group recognising me.

OP posts: