To think a late invite isn’t a proper invite and to decline on that basis?

Then don’t go and they can invite someone on the 3rd list , who wants to go

Stuff like what?

Invitations to go out with friends ?

I wouldn't go.
I don't like stuff like that.

Exactly

We had a small wedding, After some elderly relatives declined we were able to invite more people. I can't remember the ins and outs, but we invited one couple about 2 days before .. they were delighted (and so were we) no upset. Life is short.. If you like the person and want to go, then go don't overthink it.

This

Although I'm fine with this, and with evening invites in general, one thing I am prissy about is Save the Date cards when I'm not invited to the whole do.

Save the Date implies I need the whole day free. Not that you'll fit me in when later when the meal is over!

(We had a Save the Date this year that was for a weekday, but then it transpired through drip-feeds from MIL that our son wasn't invited, that we couldn't stay at the inconvenient location, that they wanted us there for the party the night before too, that they wanted my parents to come babysit - all without a direct invite or messages, because they're not actually close friends. STD is fine if I'm actually important enough to you to save it!)

On the day - if you need to arrange childcare etc not unreasonable
on the day and you have nothing else to do - not unreasonable
3 weeks in advance because that’s how you plan your life - unreasonable to expect others to do your personal schedule

1 week before - not unreasonable - people are busy

depends on a host of things. You can say no. But be mindful you won’t get invited again if you can’t cope with others shorter notice needs over your 6months ahead needs.

What an annoying thread. No context, no answer.

We have been last minute invites for weddings or bar/bat mitzvahs a couple of times and I'm fine with it. In both cases I wouldn't necessarily expect to be on the a-list of the people concerned, but I'm happy to invited if they have the room. I remember times that the disappointment of someone not making it has been made up for by thinking 'But at least now I can invite such-and-such' when I've felt a bit sad I couldn't fit someone in.

There's loads of flu and bad colds around at the moment as well, so I'm sure lots of people are needing to look for last minute people because someone else can't come out, it's not like it's surprising in the current circumstances to be asked short notice.

Sure. I’d accept or decline purely on whether or not I wanted to go.

Seems stupid to miss out because of assumptions.

You could have avoided all that drama if you had started with, and stick to (I quote) I am genuinely busy

Is at age thing? Post 50 I care so much less about stuff like this and am glad if I’m invited at all!

Sounds very much like you are seeking drama.

Firstly deciding whether or not to attend and event because of the perceived slight of not being invited early enough, rather than making the decision on whether you want to go or not.

Then starting a thread with little information about the situation and refusing to add any (your prerogative) but then getting annoyed when people are assuming things. It's just attention seeking. Like when people post of Facebook "I'm so angry" with no context, hoping people will chime in with "You alright hun?"

YABVU.

I very much enjoyed a wedding where we had a phone call on the evening of the night before asking us if we'd like to go as someone else was ill. We were free, and liked the couple, and their family, why wouldn't we go ??

And life is so much better if you are the first camp and go and enjoy yourself, rather than miss out and stew over it. And you won’t be invited next time.

id go and have fun, who gives a shit if you were a last min invite, they didn’t need to invite you at all.

It honestly wouldn’t bother me

Love it. 😻

You are being a bit precious.

go if you want to. Don’t if you don’t. No need to be sniffy about it.

It depends entirely how close you are to the person doing the inviting. If you are just casual friends then I’ll get my coat is a fun response, if you are good friends and should really have been invited initially then not so much! It’s dependent on the friendship I think.

Weddings esp can be boring. I’m not sure I would be rushing to go!

Yup!

Even in the silliest circumstances of 'the bride and groom just wanted to make up the numbers and I wasn't first choice' it's like, sure, but I get a free meal and I'll be sitting with my other friends who made a higher cut and having a few drinks and a laugh?

I've had an absolute hoot as a last minute guest and find it awfully prissy and self-involved to snitch amongst whether you were in the first lot of invites or not.

Even the first lot of invites will have "top tier" guests with whom you'd have checked the date with Vs people you invited hoping you were free. So it's not even like the there's not a tier where you were automatically equal anyway? It's bloody weird to pretend that people don't have different levels of friendships!

I was invited to a wedding at 4pm and the wedding was the next day. Someone dropped out and I was single so got called up. I was fine with it!

This separates the glass half empties from
the glass half fullers!

”Oooh I’ve been invited to a champagne breakfast I’ll get my coat”

”I’m a second round invite. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on”

No indeed. It actually couldn't be less OTT or dramatic if you think about it.
Because I wouldn't be dwelling and becoming upset and offended and fussing about whether to go or not. I'd simply say 'great, see you there' or 'sorry, can't make it' depending on whether I wanted to go. I'm struggling to see how I could create less drama than that..?
And no, I wouldn't go through my contacts to replace a breakfast guest. There's nothing in my post to suggest that. I'm talking about my personal view on receiving a late invitation.

I am with pp genuine last minute invites, spontaneous events etc I would definitely go. Something that’s been planned well in advance and I didn’t make the cut the first time, and I’m just padding - no. It’s really rude. My time is too important to waste on this kind of superficiality.

I was so embarrassed for my niece at her wedding when chatting to some of her guests, they had called themselves the Z list table of After thought. They had been invited at the last minute because the original guests had pulled out. They got very drunk and very loud, and I wouldn’t say they were wholly pleased to be there. It wasn’t pleasant.

I think if people can’t make it and cancel, you quietly remove their place settings and you continue on with your event, you certainly don’t make others feel second best in this way by inviting them at the last minute.