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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

More about school absence - what is lawful?

108 replies

Interpink · 10/12/2025 23:19

I’ve had my arse handed to me over the attendance of my children as according to school records it’s nearing 80%. They have said that without GP letters they won’t authorise any further absences. Both of my children have had minor surgery and then follow up appointments and as the hospital that they’re under are nowhere near school, if the appointment is in the middle of the day they’re missing a whole day, which whilst not ideal is unavoidable.

The tone of the emails has been awful, and I’ve replied saying I’m committed to their attendance and education. But frankly I’m losing patience - why does it even matter how they choose to record it? I’d much rather they were in school but I also won’t send them if they’re genuinely unwell, or drop them in for one hour and then have to go back and pick up again to get to an orthodontist appointment 30 miles away etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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Hol9191 · 13/12/2025 00:12

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/12/2025 08:27

As an attendance officer, surely you're aware of the impact of missing an average of a day a week?

OP didn't ask for MY opinion on HER child missing on average one day a week. She also didn't ask for the impact it has on them. I'm pretty sure she didn't come here to ask for parenting advice for her children either but some people feel that's their place to sit on their pedestal, without knowing anything about their situation and offer their unwanted opinions. All children should be in school 5 days a week obviously, but we could argue not attending medical appointments isn't a good idea either.

4crackers · 12/12/2025 06:45

Interpink · 11/12/2025 00:58

I’ve gone back over emails and I think they have marked them absent when they may have missed registration etc but there’s no way they’ve missed that many days.

These kids are 15 and 16.

Do you think maybe they have missed days that you weren’t aware of?

4crackers · 12/12/2025 06:44

Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:12

Fact is though as a single parent, if their appointments come through together then they both go to each other’s slots because otherwise there’s no way of managing it. I begged the specialist to see both on the same day (not dental) and they were booked in for 11:30 and 1:30. They were the only slots so it meant that both came to each other’s appointments. It’s a pain in the hole but logistics are tricky.

These kids are 15 and 16.

Do you think maybe they have missed days that you weren’t aware of?

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 11/12/2025 21:06

My friend got a really shitty letter from her dc's school about attendance once. Her dc was actually ill in hospital when she received it.

Thistooshallpsss · 11/12/2025 21:01

Doctors are only required to provide fit notes to authorise the payment of statutory sick pay for employees. Anything else is at their discretion and chargeable. The school wants go letters they can pay for them.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 11/12/2025 20:50

If they’ve been off for surgery, you’ll have a hospital letter. If they’ve had follow up appointments, you’ll have letters for those. If they’ve see the orthodontist, you’ll have a letter for that. So just provide copies of them all. 80% is low, the aim should be 95% or above.

Willyoujust · 11/12/2025 20:39

Interpink · 11/12/2025 11:20

You’ve hit the nail on the head - sending evidence to prove I’m not lying. 🙄

Why would I lie in the first bloody place? I have nothing to gain at all by them being absent and if I’ve emailed in saying “X won’t be in for 48 hours as he vomited twice in the night” I don’t think I should have to send a fecking letter from a GP.

Unfortunately many parents do lie. I had a boy off sick for a week with the flu and he came back with a tan 😂

Willyoujust · 11/12/2025 20:37

SillyCecilia · 10/12/2025 23:55

Ignore them. Not sure what they can really do. Ds had low attendance around 80% and it don’t affect his education at all.

You’re deluded if you think that your child missing 1/5 of their education hasn’t affected them.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/12/2025 20:34

Medical appointments are still classed as an absence if they're not there to get their register mark. You'll have your appointment letters, or screenshots of appointment reminders so just send those in and then the mark will be M for medical appointment, which are authorised.

You will still get attendance letters when you hit a certain percentage. Below 90% is persistent absence. Even if they're ALL medical appointments, they are still absences, they are just authorised absences, and so will bring your kid's overall percentage attendance down, and if this goes on all year they will be classed as a persistent absentee all year, which is not good. Not many kids fall into that category by the end of the year usually. Most have a run of bad luck with illness or appointments etc during one short period of the year earlier on, then their percentage attendance will gradually go up as they attend every day from then on.

Illnesses also count towards your child's absence figures, but it is authorised absence. If your child is a "persistent absentee" then they will be discussing them at regular attendance meetings because they'll be on the radar, and they'll be looking closely at the reason for the absences. It is in your interest to try to provide evidence for both medical appointments and illnesses, as then when it comes to discussing how they will manage your child's attendance, they will not be able to fine you or refer you to EWO, and it will be clear that you have fulfilled your duty as a parent to comply with their attendance policy by submitting the evidence of the appointments.

As it's on the radar, though, they might call you to ask you if it's possible to arrange the appointments at different times so that it isn't impacting the whole day. Both my children had millions of orthodontist appointments and they were a royal pain in the arse, both for me and my work, and for them and their education. But it is what it is. I tried get afternoon or early morning appointments so they only missed the end of the day, or once they were in sixth form during free periods. Schools will expect that you do your utmost to make sure your child can attend for as much of the school day as possible on a day they have an orthodontist appointment, exactly the same as an adult would be expected to return to work after a similar appointment. It's not on to take a full day off for one appointment, especially if there are going to be many of them. You need to plan for a way around this going forward.

Schools have a duty to inform parents when their child's attendance is low. They NEED to send out those letters so you as a parent are aware that it may be having an effect on their attainment and progress. Imagine if your child wasn't doing well in, say, biology, etc and you tried to blame poor teaching, or worse, your child, for not trying hard enough. The school can look and see that they always miss biology lessons because they're at the orthodontist.

Just work with the school. They are trying to do the best for your child and they want parents fully informed, and to work with them, for your child. Hence the letters with the percentage absence figures. It will probably help if you call them, and rather than be all defensive and snotty with them, say that you're worried they have a low attendance level, and ask what they suggest you do about the orthodontist thing. You'll need to have phoned the orthodontist first and explained to them that it's impacting their education and request first or last clinic appointments at least some of the time so you can tell school you've done your best to arrange better timings.

Ohfear688754 · 11/12/2025 20:13

I am one of the people who sends these letters, though I am an actual welfare officer rather than admin.

There is a huge drive on attendance and not that it helps you, but the phenomenal pressure myself and my colleagues are under to “get attendance up” is horrendous. I’m scrutinised over why I haven’t sent letters, why I haven’t met people, why I’m not pushing for Court week in and week out.
Our data can be pulled by Ofsted and I need to be able to explain my actions.

A lot of these letters are just standard, it’s not you personally, your child along with many others have fallen below a line and tbh I wouldn’t have time to check the reasoning for every child’s absence, you’d just get a letter, then a meeting.

80% is quite low however, and they wouldn’t expect you to take a whole day for appointments

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 20:08

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 20:02

Mmm I suspect you are a parent who has never had to cope with anything under 95% over the course of a year correct?

If my kids are absent i send in the medical paperwork. So they have very little that’s unauthorised.

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 20:02

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 19:57

They said it wasn’t affecting, I’d say it almost certainly is and there is room for improvement.

Mmm I suspect you are a parent who has never had to cope with anything under 95% over the course of a year correct?

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 19:57

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:39

Who says anyone would get straight 9s even if they attend 100%

They said it wasn’t affecting, I’d say it almost certainly is and there is room for improvement.

4crackers · 11/12/2025 18:14

Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:09

No eldest has 100% attendance up until he was knocked sideways by a chest infection last week. Twins have both had a succession of dental/orthodental and a both had a bit of minor surgery - minor in as much as under local, but still v unpleasant, and done in hospital, plus follow ups.

all three kids go to same school
and looks like one has perfect attendance despite a few days (so 96% or thereabouts?)

And then the other two both have 80.% or just one?

gruffaloaddict · 11/12/2025 17:32

Remember that these systems are in place because a percentage of parents DO lie to the schools, and for safeguarding purposes schools have attendance officers.
I would rather have to prove hospital appointments etc and have a system that catches some (not all!) neglectful families and supports them/informs relevant authorities, than have nothing in place.
Attendance to school and lessons is vital if you don’t want your child falling behind. Illness etc is totally understandable - but get them into school wherever possible, before, after appointments etc otherwise it’s going to be unauthorised and that’s totally fair enough.
I’m not saying the systems are perfect, but since COVID the percentage of students who are ‘lost’ from schools is frightening. EBSA (emotional based school avoidance) is huge. There are also some parents who play the system. I’m sure you’ve all read the worst cases of this in the media… it happens and we need to try any system we can to help improve things.

Sterlingrose · 11/12/2025 17:18

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/12/2025 11:04

It's also about the message you are sending your children. At the moment, you're showing them that school is fair game to be missed if something else makes it a little inconvenient.

Or that it's right to put your health first.

Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:12

Fact is though as a single parent, if their appointments come through together then they both go to each other’s slots because otherwise there’s no way of managing it. I begged the specialist to see both on the same day (not dental) and they were booked in for 11:30 and 1:30. They were the only slots so it meant that both came to each other’s appointments. It’s a pain in the hole but logistics are tricky.

OP posts:
Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:09

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 14:19

3 children, 15, 15 and 16.

All of them have 80% attendance due to orthadentist apps and hospital visits?

No eldest has 100% attendance up until he was knocked sideways by a chest infection last week. Twins have both had a succession of dental/orthodental and a both had a bit of minor surgery - minor in as much as under local, but still v unpleasant, and done in hospital, plus follow ups.

OP posts:
Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 14:19

Laserwho · 11/12/2025 14:10

Oh, so should op just cancel hospital appointments then? You are unbelievable.

3 children, 15, 15 and 16.

All of them have 80% attendance due to orthadentist apps and hospital visits?

SleepingStandingUp · 11/12/2025 14:16

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 13:30

They are in year 10 and year 11?

these are important years and to have 80% attendance is a bit pants really

you know what's even more pants? being a kid in and out of hospital all the time. being prodded and poked and I'll when all your mates are living healthy lives. missing fun things because you're in hospital, again.

they're not ill for shits and giggles.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/12/2025 14:14

just send in the letters? hospital stays will have discharge letters, hospital spots have texts / emails or letters. I just send in copies of my child's and if we're gonna miss a registration mark i explain which hospital it's at.

are you pulling them both for each others spots?

Laserwho · 11/12/2025 14:10

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 13:30

They are in year 10 and year 11?

these are important years and to have 80% attendance is a bit pants really

Oh, so should op just cancel hospital appointments then? You are unbelievable.

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 13:51

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:39

Who says anyone would get straight 9s even if they attend 100%

Yes quite! The ability to be able to achieve straight 9s is so small very few achieve it

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:46

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/12/2025 08:26

Agreed. I have had 2 kids go through the orthodontist, and they go every 6 weeks. At one appointment, they arrange the next, I ask for early-ish morning and late-ish afternoon...so I can take them and then drop them back after, or collect early. If that isn't possible on the exact 6 week day so be it. I would not let them miss a whole day for an appointment, that's bonkers! Do you at least ensure they're keeping up with their work at home? I'm guessing not.

One of the above kids also has about 5 or 6 days off a year for sporting events, and has still never got down close to 80%. That's an average of a day a week off school.

What are you doing to mitigate the impact this will have on their education? And why are you so surprised the school are 🙄🤔

And if all the parents ask for early morning or late afternoon appointments how are they going to fit them all in?

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:39

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 07:54

Did they get straight 9’s? It absolutely will have affected them.

Who says anyone would get straight 9s even if they attend 100%