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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

108 replies

Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 21:55

It's mil birthday a week before Christmas and shes having a party. Meal out in restaurant with 25/ 30 people. We have been sick for Christmas before and i dont want to be sick this year or the kids.
I dont want to incase we pick something up in a busy restaurant, dh thinks im.being ridiculous. Sil has form for bringing her kids to things when they clearly have coughs and colds without telling us and then giving it to my kids!
Am I over thinking this and should I just go? Dh thinks its not an option to not go and that he and the kids will be going whether I go or not.

OP posts:
TheAutumnCrow · 11/12/2025 02:25

Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 22:41

Thank you I think I'll get some.

Show quote history

I stick all sorts of gels and sprays up my nose (I’m immunocompromised) if I go into a busy place - hand gel, Dettol anti-viral, you name it.

Lots of handwashing and hand gels.

And I do take a mask with me in case someone next to me starts with the explosive coughing.

PollyBell · 11/12/2025 02:16

Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 22:32

Well seems im being very unreasonable 🙈
No problem with mil but I suppose i do have some health anxiety issues.
I just wanted some other opinions and seems like I need to get a grip.
Is there anything apart from washing hands I could do to avoid any bugs, I can't really go in a face mask!

And you wonder why he thinks you are unreasonable?

Ohnonotthisagain2025 · 11/12/2025 02:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TinselTitts · 10/12/2025 23:48

Poor woman's probably had similar excuses all her life, given how near to Christmas her birthday is.

Starzinsky · 10/12/2025 23:47

If my DIL or SIL made this lame excuse to not come to my party I would be utterly offended and definitely think they didn't like me.

QuickPeachPoet · 10/12/2025 23:28

Absolutely smacks of a BS excuse to not go and see your MIL. Need to try a bit harder.

EddyNeddy · 10/12/2025 22:49

You’re seriously suggesting going into quarantine a week before Christmas? That’s absolutely crazy behaviour, and will burn bridges with family and friends very quickly. Most people are out and about having fun in the run up to the big day - it’s an absolutely terrible (and offensive) excuse to give for missing a family member’s event.

BloodandGlitter · 10/12/2025 22:48

First defense is good stuff. I used it when the whole house came down with a cold and mine was definitely the mildest out of the lot.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 10/12/2025 22:43

You could put First Defence up your noses ahead of the event. Or NasalGuard Cold & Flu block.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 10/12/2025 22:41

So you don’t go to the supermarket, kids to school or to work in the week prior? Yes you’re being ridiculous I’m afraid.

Original poster
Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 22:41

TheCurious0range · 10/12/2025 22:38

DH swears by Vicks first defence nasal spray you use it when you think you have a cold coming. Give that a try as a preventative

Thank you I think I'll get some.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkles · 10/12/2025 22:39

Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 22:32

Well seems im being very unreasonable 🙈
No problem with mil but I suppose i do have some health anxiety issues.
I just wanted some other opinions and seems like I need to get a grip.
Is there anything apart from washing hands I could do to avoid any bugs, I can't really go in a face mask!

Honestly, get a grip. They’re family, not plague-carriers. Go, try to relax. Getting ill over Christmas happens once every 15(ish) years for most people,. So you’ve already paid your dues!

TheCurious0range · 10/12/2025 22:38

DH swears by Vicks first defence nasal spray you use it when you think you have a cold coming. Give that a try as a preventative

JemimaTiggywinkles · 10/12/2025 22:36

You need to get therapy for your health anxiety. It isn’t a quick fix, but you can’t live your life worrying about catching a cold. Getting ill is crap but it is part of life. And I certainly wouldn’t fancy the alternative!

MarbleDrive · 10/12/2025 22:35

You’re being completely ridiculous and anti-social. Would you do it if it was your mum, or is it just a mother in law issue?

Original poster
Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 22:32

Well seems im being very unreasonable 🙈
No problem with mil but I suppose i do have some health anxiety issues.
I just wanted some other opinions and seems like I need to get a grip.
Is there anything apart from washing hands I could do to avoid any bugs, I can't really go in a face mask!

OP posts:
Chinsupmeloves · 10/12/2025 22:29

Are your plans to isolate the whole week before Christmas? Don't you have to go out to places with other people, with DC, work? Sorry but this is definitely overthinking to be the only worry of catching germs.

HeddaGarbled · 10/12/2025 22:27

Isn’t it more likely that the children will pick up illnesses at school?

Marylou2 · 10/12/2025 22:24

Saying this gently but do you have health anxiety or are there problems in your relationship with MIL and her family? Perhaps go for the shortest time possible and avoid social hugging/kissing.

swingingbytheseat · 10/12/2025 22:17

You sound very anxious. Is this really just about being ill, or not?

Nevermind17 · 10/12/2025 22:17

What would you do if it was your DM’s birthday?

IaltagDhubh · 10/12/2025 22:17

I totally get what you mean. At this time of year, I just want to hibernate. I don’t want to go to events, parties, shops, restaurants, theatres. I want everyone to leave me in peace! Unfortunately, I think you’d be pretty unreasonable to not go to your MIL’s birthday party. It’s as important to her as Christmas.

Kibble19 · 10/12/2025 22:16

Yeah I think you’re mad. There’s nothing lurking in a restaurant that you won’t come across at work, nursery and school. Or soft play, shops, Santa’s grotto or anywhere else you might be going.

I don’t get why people want to virtually quarantine their kids; let them go to the party. I think this kind of avoidant behaviour is the type of stuff that kids pick up on, then mimic themselves.

FollowSpot · 10/12/2025 22:15

YABR
(R= Ridiculous)

LittleBearPad · 10/12/2025 22:13

One th assumption none of you is immunocompromised YABVU