To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

I did this once: we were going to Disneyworld for Christmas and NO WAY was anyone going to get sick and ruin it, not to mention the £££££££££ it cost. (Worth every darn penny, I must say!)

But in normal times - no, someone somewhere even in Waitrose is going to breathe on you. And missing mil’s birthday surely would be a diplomatic incident to end all diplomatic incidents…

If they are sick at Christmas then postpone the day till they are better

Unless you and DH and the children are avoiding all mixing between now and Christmas day you are being very unreasonable

I’m glad you’ve changed your mind OP. I do sympathise, if people remember a lot of people were doing this around covid, it’s not totally insane. I know I def think about the times I’m around lots of people in the lead up to Christmas or holidays. The key though is not to actually let it dictate your life. Get your flu jabs, wash your hands, the rest just needs to be accepted as life.

am assuming you are masking up and keeping the kids off school?

Don't be ridiculous. If you don't want to go, don't go. But DH should take your DCs to their grandmother's birthday meal.

(also don't be a dick to your MIL - having a December birthday is bollocks enough without precious people sticking the oar in )

I understand - my sil and bil also have form for this, we saw them the other week and I hugged dn and sil said “shes shattered, she was throwing up last night!” Why come to someone’s house with a vomiting child??!! We have caught so many bugs after spending time with them.
We also have a no socialising in the week before Xmas rule, obviously we do what we have to work, school etc but no parties or big events as yes we have been extremely ill at Xmas before.

Surely kids are still at school?
You'll need to hit the shops at least once before xmas?
Work?

How do you expect to stay indoors for the next 2 weeks OP!? This has me totally baffled

Our kids school is absolutely rife with sickness bugs and flu at the moment. Half classes and no assemblies as a result, and its been going on for 2 weeks already and still taking kids out daily! Hideous. But its unavoidable. My (so far healthy) kids have to go to school. I have to go to work. And we have to now and again have some form of social life! Putting life on complete hold for 2 whole weeks for the sake of one day (albeit xmas) is madness!

For goodness sake you are being extremely unreasonable. There are bugs everywhere. Do you not send your children to school? Go to work? Go to the supermarket?
I would be very pissed off with you if I were your DH

Your DC will have loads of fun seeing their cousins and getting excited about Christmas. The restaurant will have sparkly lights and everyone will be joyful. It all sounds lovely apart from you being the Debbie downer about it.

Unless you stride around in a full NBC suit, getting colds and viruses is inevitable in the winter. Your kids actually need that exposure to develop their own immune systems and nothing is more virulent than primary schools and nurseries. So unless you’re going to hermetically seal them in some sterile room I think you need to get a grip. Your own mindset is more unhealthy for your family than a cough or cold.

You can’t live your life scared of catching bugs. You could stay home and still come down with something if you’ve all been to work and school

Get therapy for your anxiety, this really is no way to live your life.

Are you going literally nowhere in the time period, kids taken out of school, not going to work or any place where there’s other people?

That is bonkers. If you get sick over Christmas, drink some brandy and power on through. It pretty rare to be bed bound from sickness.

You might feel better if you can get some control of the situation, by minimising picking up a bug. Some good suggestions here:
First defence nasal spray
Hand gel all your hands before you eat and after returning from the loo.
Accompany kids to the loo to supervise handwashing with soap and avoid them touching the taps and door handles on the way out. Use a disposable tissue to grab door handles.
You could even decant some Dettol spray into a handheld spray bottle, put in handbags and spray any taps before touching.

Fair play op for accepting the feedback!! Maybe useful to see your gp about the health anxiety?

I think a meal before xmas with school age kids is likely to result in illness for someone, yes, because eating together is definitely more risky than just going to busy places. But i am not sure you can live your life trying to avoid illness all the time. How offended will mil be if you don't go? And why are you particularly worried about getting ill this year?

First defence has some actual evidence behind it that it’s effective.

Handwashing, not sharing food and not sharing cutlery are very effective. Very little is actually transmitted through the air. It’s generally contact.

As someone who also has a birthday a week before Christmas, I would suggest she probably has.

Poor woman can't help when her birthday is.

That's more than fair enough OP - you asked for opinions and you took them graciously with no flouncing.

As others have asked, were you planning on staying home and avoiding any thing involving life outside the house? Supermarkets, shops, work, school and so on. If that was your plan and you told DH that then maybe it would have sounded more rational. But unless the whole family are doing this then it would be pretty pointless anyway.
I am not sure how one meal would be any different than going to the supermarkets which are busy at this time of year and handling a trolley or basket that tons of other people have touched. In fact the restaurant is probably better!

You're mad and I would be totally upset and fucked off if I were your DH and MIL.

i agree with your husband !