To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

YABU. If you don’t want to go then just be honest and say. But it’s absolutely ridiculous to be concerned about picking up germs.

This week and next week will have been to 2 different Christmas markets, a Santa parade, a Christmas party at the community centre, a carol service that my childrens granny sings at and arts and crafts at the library. Plus my children are in school and toddler group. What are you going to do? You can't stop in the house 24/7 before Christmas. It will ruin the whole build up to Christmas which is half the fun. I'm sure a meal out will be fine.
If children are going to get sick it will probably be from school. I swear half my daughters class was coughing today going into school. Just make sure they wash their hands plenty and you can try some hand gel and just hope. 🤞

If you are anxious you can check with your SIL that her children are ok and don't sit near anyone with a cold or cough, you can't do much more.

PS. Anti-microbial hand-gel is GREAT for wiping down surfaces, e.g. mucky tables in restaurants, and will help against NOROVIRUS.

But COVID and 'flu are MAINLY AIR-BORNE.
This is thoroughly well attested.
Think about why is this incontrovertible scientific/medical knowledge is not thoroughly well disseminated throughout MSN and public platforms?

Don't believe me. Just start to do a little of your own research.

Go to the experts and academics.

Avoid the billionaire-owned mainstream media.

Actually, you are not being unreasonable.
This year the 'flu going around is having a much worse effect than usual (possibly because of underlying damage COVID has done to all our immune systems). And the NHS is extremely worried about possible overwhelm from numbers of people having to be admitted.

Best policy is to get both jabs - 'flu & COVID - , if you can afford it, for yourself and your children (but not both together - some people have adverse reaction to dual-jabs).

Also RSV is a rising problem this winter - there is a jab, but not widely available on NHS - so, another expense.
Crowded restaurants, lots of people eating, talking (loudly because of noise) are among the most effective contexts for airborne viral transmission.
Prophylactic nasal sprays (carageenan-based ones are good) prior to event and, immediately after, mouth washing/gargling with CPV-containing mouthwash (Dentyl Dual Action and Colgate Plax are two examples).
Our rulers: Govt; global oligarchies; media barons, & the b'aires that fund them) all have air-purification installations at every place they meet (e.g. HofP; HofL not to mention Davos, White House, etc).
But no such thing is deemed necessary for schools, hospitals, GPs surgeries. We are the expendable hoi polloi.

ps the ONLY time I ever got COVID was 2022 when I went to early Christmas parties on two consecutive days. Four days later: +ve test. Fortunately, wasn't too bad (tho' I've never felt so weirdly ill) and, even more fortunately, recovered in time not to infect relatives coming for Christmas.

So. No. YANBU.

You said it. You have health anxiety and and yes, you need to get a grip.

Have you had the flu jab? That’s the best thing to do.

Have an evening with your feet up and let him enjoy the night with the kids!
You don’t have to be so negative about it and neither do you have to go! That doesn’t stop him and the kids though!

Have an evening with your feet up and let him enjoy the night with the kids!
You don’t have to be so negative about it and neither do you have to go! That doesn’t stop him and the kids though!

Have an evening with your feet up and let him enjoy the night with the kids!
You don’t have to be so negative about it and neither do you have to go! That doesn’t stop him and the kids though!

The op understands that they could pick up viruses at school / work. It’s about reducing risk not eradicating it.

@Cherrytree86 it's essential actually and unless op is way up north down south is unseasonably warm.
Insisting on keeping windows permanently shut and not understanding the role fresh air and ventilation play in keeping us well is what's helping to drive these health emergencies.

To keep any room safer a few opposing windows should be open and failing that once every hour for a good ten mins.

@Starlight1984 its December , it’s usually too cold for open windows

YABU. How shit would it be for your MIL if everyone took your view and no one bothered to see her for her birthday??

It's rubbish having a Christmas birthday.

Would you go to your own mother's birthday party, or your dearest friend's that week?

You are being ridiculous, and unkind to both MIL and DH.

Op just ask them or the venue to open windows

Unless you plan to stay home isolated from school, work,nursery, shops, all social events yabu. You can literally get sick from any of these things so its a bit selective to only refuse your mil party

If you have planned the trip of a lifetime for Christmas, I sympathise.

If it's just Christmas, you are being ridiculous. At worst, you have a cold oin Christmas day, cold that you might have caught from anywhere anyway. So what? not worth putting your life on hold for weeks for one day.

I think your health anxiety is harming your view on this, you should go and look into support for your anxieties.

If you haven't already I'd think about getting a flu vaccine (will cost £15-20 unless you're eligible for a free one). It takes I think 7-10 days to become effective so you could still get one before the meal.

Whilst I understand the dread of having sick kids for Christmas (mine are 5 and nearly 3 and the last few winters have been hell), I do think you're being unreasonable unless you are planning to lock your children up for the next two weeks. We are flying to my home (UK) next week and whilst I'm not doing "extra" activities, I wouldn't dream of stopping my kids going to nursery / Christmas parties etc. in the UK, I have Christmas activities booked and whilst it's all a risk of getting sick, staying home and away from everything isn't healthy mentally. Though I really do sympathise... Getting sick is relentless with small children and over Christmas sucks but you can't shield yourselves away, op.

Assuming you work, go shopping, have kids in school / college / nursery, go about your daily life normally.... Then I can't really see why your MIL birthday meal is an issue?

I would go out for a meal. However I did turn down a soft play invitation for my child for a few days before Christmas as I was worried about her catching a sick bug. But that was because she has twice had sick bugs that I am fairly certain came from soft play so I try to avoid them during the winter months now anyway when there are more illnesses around, and especially don’t want her being ill at Christmas.

Haha I was like this before Disney too, I wouldn’t let the kids go out and play the weekend before in case they broke a bone 🤣