To refuse to go to party week before Christmas

firstofallimadelight · 12/12/2025 17:42

Cherrytree86 · 12/12/2025 11:30

@firstofallimadelight

understand probability, yes, but just going to work and doing the essentials and no socialising and nothing fun just for the sake of one day, Christmas Day, sounds very dull to me. Life is for living.

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Yeah I get that, im not judging anyone.
I did go on my Xmas work do (end nov) I met friends for a catch up last week and we saw Santa at weekend . This weekend family are visiting. It’s just the week coming up to Xmas we stay in and tbh it’s nice to have a bit of chill time (and organising time ) before the mayhem starts. And it’s not one day for us, Xmas eve my gran has everyone round so I see all my cousins and catch up. Xmas day my family comes to us. Then we go away with in laws 26-29. Then we are spending new years at my DDs. So it’s like a week of fun.

Cherrytree86 · 12/12/2025 11:30

firstofallimadelight · 12/12/2025 06:24

I’m aware. I’m not eliminating risk I’m reducing it. So I might come into contact with 20 people instead of 60 people yes I can still get ill but the lower numbers of people the chance reduces. Do you understand probability?

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@firstofallimadelight

understand probability, yes, but just going to work and doing the essentials and no socialising and nothing fun just for the sake of one day, Christmas Day, sounds very dull to me. Life is for living.

tinytemper66 · 12/12/2025 10:28

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 11/12/2025 23:07

No you’re attending mandatory things. Socialising is optional

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Germs won’t be so picky will they? Ooh miss that one out as she isn’t socialising!

Eventmrs · 12/12/2025 09:37

If you don't want to go, don't go , but this is a poor excuse.

MaturingCheeseball · 12/12/2025 09:09

@Coffeesoon - don’t take any notice of the doom spreader posters. The irony of one saying avoid the mainstream media! Of course they are leaning into “story of the day” which is flu.

A rump of people (and of course they sit hunched on social media all day) just luuurrrrved lockdown and for it to happen again - heaven! Fwiw I am “clinically vulnerable” and quite germ phobic so I am not gung ho about things, just moderate.

The isolation thing doesn’t work unless you all stay away from all people - in order to avoid Christmas illness - since last week at least. Just missing mil’s birthday but not school and crowded shops is daft!

btw the flu vaccine is very different from the initial covid vaccines. Not having the flu vaccine is foolhardy - flu is not a bad cold.

winter8090 · 12/12/2025 07:34

Luxio · 10/12/2025 21:59

A week before Christmas most people are still at work and children are still at school/nursery. You will likely be going into shops, Christmas events and mixing with lots of other people so in my honest opinion it sounds like you just don't like your MIL rather than you want to avoid illness.

It's her birthday and of course you should all attend a family meal.

Edited

This. If you don’t go will you all be self isolating in the run up to xmas?

Organising your social calendar on the basis that you MIGHT catch something seems a bit miserable to me.

firstofallimadelight · 12/12/2025 06:24

tinytemper66 · 11/12/2025 23:01

By working and going to school, you are socialising! 🤦🏻‍♀️

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I’m aware. I’m not eliminating risk I’m reducing it. So I might come into contact with 20 people instead of 60 people yes I can still get ill but the lower numbers of people the chance reduces. Do you understand probability?

Isittimeformynapyet · 12/12/2025 01:29

Brefugee · 11/12/2025 08:58

am assuming you are masking up and keeping the kids off school?

Don't be ridiculous. If you don't want to go, don't go. But DH should take your DCs to their grandmother's birthday meal.

(also don't be a dick to your MIL - having a December birthday is bollocks enough without precious people sticking the oar in )

sticking the oar in

I love a mixed metaphor 😄

flaxensunshine · 12/12/2025 01:15

Coffeesoon · 10/12/2025 21:55

It's mil birthday a week before Christmas and shes having a party. Meal out in restaurant with 25/ 30 people. We have been sick for Christmas before and i dont want to be sick this year or the kids.
I dont want to incase we pick something up in a busy restaurant, dh thinks im.being ridiculous. Sil has form for bringing her kids to things when they clearly have coughs and colds without telling us and then giving it to my kids!
Am I over thinking this and should I just go? Dh thinks its not an option to not go and that he and the kids will be going whether I go or not.

So just to be clear, you never go anywhere incase your family it’s sick?

StruggleFlourish · 12/12/2025 01:09

I do feel sorry for your mother-in-law, anyone whose birthday is around Christmas time understands that they will get a lot of cancellations for their party...
It's not her fault her birthday is a week before Christmas.

But, I understand your position, if you are really trying to minimize the amount of public places that you spend time in a week before Christmas so to minimize the probability that you'll pick something up and be sick for Christmas.

Then I ask, do you Go to work? Does your partner go to work? Do you have kids and do they go to school? When you go grocery shopping or other shopping that you might do, do you order everything online to be delivered so you don't have to go into a store?
If the answer is yes, that you and your husband take the week before Christmas off, and yank your kids if any out of school, and refuse to step foot outside the house for the fear of catching any germs, then no, you should not go to this party.

If you're still going to work and your kids are still going to school and you're still leaving the house and going shopping in other places, then what difference does it make? You just don't want to attend your mother-in-law's party

angelikacpickles · 12/12/2025 00:40

Coffeesoon · 11/12/2025 14:02

I didnt get a flu jab after a bad reaction to covid jab. But I've bought some vicks first defence and antibacterial hand gel.
I know i need to stop worrying and just enjoy the evening and run up to Christmas. I dont want my dd to start getting anxious about it so we will definitely all go.
I do have some health anxiety issues, I think since covid. I do worry about alot of health things but I try to stay away from too much social media. I do tend to blame myself if I get sick, I should have done this or not done that so its probably something to work on.
I think i owe dh an apology and I'm just glad I didn't mention this to mil or she would definitely think im batshit crazy, even more than she probably already does😂

You were planning on not attending your MIL's party but haven't bothered to get the flu vaccine? Have your kids had the flu vaccine?

Mrsnothingthanks · 12/12/2025 00:30

My husband and I got married 5 days before Christmas in 2020 (Covid times). Every single one of our guests made it and all was good 😀

Speckly · 12/12/2025 00:27

Coffeesoon · 11/12/2025 14:02

I didnt get a flu jab after a bad reaction to covid jab. But I've bought some vicks first defence and antibacterial hand gel.
I know i need to stop worrying and just enjoy the evening and run up to Christmas. I dont want my dd to start getting anxious about it so we will definitely all go.
I do have some health anxiety issues, I think since covid. I do worry about alot of health things but I try to stay away from too much social media. I do tend to blame myself if I get sick, I should have done this or not done that so its probably something to work on.
I think i owe dh an apology and I'm just glad I didn't mention this to mil or she would definitely think im batshit crazy, even more than she probably already does😂

Flu is rife this year! Some of the Northern hospitals are full to overflowing (on BBC News today) so it would be good to get a jab if you’re concerned. I didn’t have any reaction to the flu vaccine this year but was laid up for 5-6 days with the Covid one.

Jugendstiel · 11/12/2025 23:22

You're catastrophising by deciding in advance that you'll all get ill and it will ruin Christmas. Go and celebrate with family. Enjoy yourselves. Just wash DC's hands thoroughly, or get them to if they are old enough, before they eat anything, and when they get home. Use First Defence if anyone has even the slightest sign of a sniffle.

YourZippyHare · 11/12/2025 23:11

Actually I think your SIL is BU for bringing sick kids out to events, as she has done in the past. That would be pretty selfish, knowingly giving all the family a bug just before Christmas. Honestly I'd be tempted to have a word beforehand about whether they are well enough to come, but then I am quite gobby.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 11/12/2025 23:07

tinytemper66 · 11/12/2025 23:01

By working and going to school, you are socialising! 🤦🏻‍♀️

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No you’re attending mandatory things. Socialising is optional

tinytemper66 · 11/12/2025 23:01

firstofallimadelight · 11/12/2025 08:56

I understand - my sil and bil also have form for this, we saw them the other week and I hugged dn and sil said “shes shattered, she was throwing up last night!” Why come to someone’s house with a vomiting child??!! We have caught so many bugs after spending time with them.
We also have a no socialising in the week before Xmas rule, obviously we do what we have to work, school etc but no parties or big events as yes we have been extremely ill at Xmas before.

By working and going to school, you are socialising! 🤦🏻‍♀️

tinytemper66 · 11/12/2025 22:59

Are you going to keep your children off school for the next 6 days of school?

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 11/12/2025 22:58

i don’t think you’re being ridiculous. Last year on a flight to New York (I’m convinced due to the amount of clearly sick people) I caught norovirus and my wife caught Covid. A few days later we gave them to each other and I had the worst Christmas in a tiny hotel room in New York lol.

we have a big work meeting next week. I know people will drag themselves in with flu as is making the rounds. I really don’t want to go. I am tempted to try and get out of it and work from home next week as we’re going away again at Christmas and I really don’t want to be ill.

However it’s your MILs bday and your DH isn’t onboard so even I think you’re just going to have to suck it up and if anyone’s got a cough sit away from then and keep your fingers crossed

JifNtGif · 11/12/2025 22:40

Coffeesoon · 11/12/2025 14:02

I didnt get a flu jab after a bad reaction to covid jab. But I've bought some vicks first defence and antibacterial hand gel.
I know i need to stop worrying and just enjoy the evening and run up to Christmas. I dont want my dd to start getting anxious about it so we will definitely all go.
I do have some health anxiety issues, I think since covid. I do worry about alot of health things but I try to stay away from too much social media. I do tend to blame myself if I get sick, I should have done this or not done that so its probably something to work on.
I think i owe dh an apology and I'm just glad I didn't mention this to mil or she would definitely think im batshit crazy, even more than she probably already does😂

The two vaccinations are completely different so the one thing you could have done to avoid flu you didn't do !

Anyahyacinth · 11/12/2025 22:37

Coffeesoon · 11/12/2025 03:11

If I didn't want to go because of a problem with mil I would posting about a mil problem wouldn't I?

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I definitely reduce contacts whilst so many people are saying they are ill to avoid ruining Christmas…many friends do the same OP …personal choice

StarsTwinklingPomanders · 11/12/2025 22:26

@MaddestGranny good post.
All these places could help with nature's air pueifyer and simply open windows occasionally.
But people get vicious if they feel a teeny bit cold for a few moments.

I don't blame you at all op the flu sounds awful...I'm worried.

Endorewitch · 11/12/2025 22:16

This sounds like the way we were forcer to behave during Covid!Does your family hibernate before Xmas?What about school and jobs?
Of course you should go to MIL birthday.

KarriTreeSullivan · 11/12/2025 20:53

I'd just like to say kudos to you OP for asking, reading the room and listening to others! I'm seriously impressed! Usually OPs on AIBU either insist hey are perfect or flounce off in a huff when most disagree with them!

I hope you don't worry too much and get to enjoy the event.

Aligirlbear · 11/12/2025 19:40

Unless you and your immediate family are going to live in a self contained bubble for the whole of December YABU. Assuming you are still going out shopping / DH is going to work and you will meet up with others in that week you are just as likely to catch a cold as if you go to the restaurant. On this one I agree with your DH.