To think some people are taking life advice from dysfunctional people and wrecking good relationships?

I think it's the setting of expectations though.

What is a happy fulfilling marriage? Does it have to be like that every day to be a good one?

I think what tends to happen, is people try and hide their partner's shitty behaviour out of embarrassment until they split.
So to the outside world it can seem as though someone is walking out abruptly on a pretty decent relationship.
I'm sure that's what it looked like to the outside world when I left my ex husband.
Because I would have been mortified for people to know about the affairs, financial abuse, selfishness, aggressive behaviour etc. I hid it from everyone apart from a close friend and my sister.

Spot. On.

People create opposite sex pair bonds because its a prerequisit of the continuation of the species. However the idea that the bond created to conceive should be long lasting and exclusive is a societal construct.
We know we are a social species and that bonds with others of our species are important to our survival, physical and mental health. What we don't know is that these bonds require a man and a woman joined in lifelong commitment, or even that this is the most functional means to meet our social and emotional needs.
In fact there is evidence that this can be something of a one way street, with married men having better outcomes and single women having better outcomes.
There are also societies where people spend most of their time and give and recieve support from members of their own sex.
We have this way of life primarily because of the benefits it brings to a male dominated society. It dates back to men wanting a woman of their own to impregnate and facilitate their physical comfort, who they could own and other men could not access thus ensuring her children continued his genetic line. In return the woman was fed and protected from other men.
In the modern world we are able to earn to feed ourselves and have laws to protect us from harm, so we are not in such need of our side of the bargain.
I'm not invested in being single (I'm not single) but nor do I believe that being one part of a couple for life is either driven by nature or necessary to the wellbeing of women. Though evidence shows its of significant value to men.

I would be more concerned about people in shit relationships advising others to stay in bad relationships because they have low standards.

I've got high standards because I had a good marriage for 20 years that only ended because my dh died. So yes, I do sometimes marvel at what women are prepared to put up with. Sometimes they can't see they are being abused. Someone with crap standards telling them to stay is helping no one.

I don't see people posting about normal flaws and being told to leave, only major/abusive ones.

I assume this isn't mumsnet you are talking about though as you wouldn't know so much about the background of people advising on mumsnet. This must be people you know well in real life who are living chaotic, emotionally unstable or completely unaccountable lives and advising others to leave.

Look I don't think it's productive to discuss this with since you are clearly extremely invested in singledom. Essentially all of human history and behaviour tells us that generally speaking people seek out pair bonds. Other mammals do the same. I'm happy you enjoy being single so much but it is not going to become the default state of being.

Honestly, I don’t agree. I think most people coming out of a relationship tend to think getting into another is as appealing as drinking hot sick. I just don’t think saying the grass is definitely greener is a coherent view. You can’t possibly know. What is known though is the affects it has on children.

Very well put.

how do you know what people in general like? You can only know what you like. And societal expectations. I do wonder, if we started life again, and didn’t tell everyone that coupling up with a member of the opposite sex was the norm, how many people would choose to.

"Generally speaking" means I am speaking of people in general. Not you in particular. And yes I am aware people can have all kinds of attachments.

What a lot of nonsense.

If a relationship is "good" the person is not going to be asking for advice on Mumsnet in the first place...

People are right to encourage someone who is an an abusive relationship or who is with a partner who cheats or is generally lazy, disrespectful or does not do their share of childcare and so on.

Women don't need to put up with unequal, shitty relationships anymore and that is a good thing.

Sure, but many want to be in a committed relationship.It's great you love being single. But it's not for everyone, probably not even most. Many single people wish they weren't.

‘Generally speaking we are happier when we form close attachments.’ Who are you speaking for here? Yourself? That’s fine. But not me. Also ‘close attachments’ aren’t limited to a bloke. You can form a close attachment with a woman or family member.

‘Humans are social creatures’. Being single does not preclude anyone from being social or having sex. Both are easily available whilst single.

I think it's because humans are social creatures and generally speaking we are happier when we form close attachments. Sexual and romantic desire is obviously a part of this. I don't find it all surprising that most people would prefer not to be single.

I'm sure there are some men, that is hardly surprising. And agendas surely are a matter of opinion. You might say your agenda is to uplift women but perhaps you are also a raging misandrist who thinks women should never be with men at all (I'm not saying that you are please note). Anyone could have any agenda at all on here. It's the internet.

I have come across many bitter people on this site but again that's my perspective. I see them as bitter, you might see them as realistic.

There are PLENTY of men on these boards actively and deliberately dishing out extremely poor advice, masquerading as women, sometimes to very vulnerable, fragile rape and abuse victims. This is well known.

They are sitting amongst us with their own agendas. Most of us are very aware of them. I don’t really see ‘bitter’ women, maybe I have been lucky.

Perhaps. And that is entirely their choice. But I do wonder if that’s simply because they haven’t tried it/societal pressure/don’t even consider it as an option.

Who in their right mind would advise a friend to end or continue a marriage or close relationship anyway? Unless it’s abusive - and we know women can get ‘locked in’ all other cases surely as a friend our job is to listen and support, not advise.

I prefer for women to be empowered to trust themselves, and judge their own relationships. It would not occur to me to tell a friend what to do. We can’t know the outcome, circumstances etc.

That's better.

I do think some people - especially men - have a sort of uncritical and rather childish sense of nostalgia towards a golden time when divorce was rare and families stayed together, people “worked at” difficult relationships, didn’t “throw it all away” etc. They don’t interrogate those feelings very closely and they don’t think about the casualties of that culture: abused women and children who had very limited choices, bitterly unhappy incompatible couples who had “made their bed” and were trapped together in mutual misery. It wasn’t better for a lot of people.

It may be increasingly an option but most people don't want to be single. It's great that you're happy being so of course.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a man. Nor would I be upset to be accused of being one. If your issue is my use of the word accuse then I will happily substitute it for "claim".

This is a baffling detour tbh and I'm done with it.

I was trying to humorously suggest that AIBU might be where she'd seen this sort of advice!