To have asked my parents for a lift home?

I hope my (adult) kids call me and ask for a lift no matter what age they are, I'd rather stick a coat on over my PJs than have one of them be stranded in the cold and dark. Always.

Your mum is snippy if you never ask for lifts there must be more to the story do you have a good relationship do they seem fed up with you living in the house still?

I’d throw a coat over my pyjamas & pick you up, because I know you’d do the same for me.

I would have picked my daughter up.

I've been thinking about this further - your Mum missed a great opportunity to have 'car chat' and spend one on one time with you which is often hard to come by when you have young adults that lead busy lives. It's on her - it's a shame she isn't more supportive.

An incident along similar lines (I returned from 2 months abroad with a moderately severe injury that restricted my mobility, at lunchtime on a Sunday, and my mother refused to do a 25 minute round car journey to pick me up from the airport) is one of about a thousand reasons why I no longer speak to her.

I wonder if this is part of a pattern for you or whether your parents are generally more supportive? Good luck - it’s a tough situation to be in, especially when it’s part of a pattern.

Fucking hell, some of the responses on here are just crazy. You only asked for a lift, you didn't ask them to sacrifice a kitten. Jesus. No OP, you were not unreasonable to ask for a lift and your mum was out of order in the response she gave you. I swear some people on this forum believe once a kid turns 18 they should be completely fending for themselves with no favours from parents. Mind boggling. My 23 year old son still lives with me, and no way would I have left him freezing his bits off for hours when I'm sitting at home in the warm in my pj's, that;s just such an alien concept to me.

Definately start being mean with the lifts you give them, what's good for the goose and all that.

Not unreasonable at all that you asked. The response you got was quite selfish. I can’t imagine ever saying that to my daughter if she messaged me in this scenario.

God people are weird. It’s actually worrying that they think your Mum’s response is normal and right. ‘Sorry love I’m in my PJs, it’s not that cold I think you’ll be ok’. Going out to get you begrudgingly whilst secretly being annoyed. Both of those things would be ‘normal’ family interactions. But ‘no I can’t and how dare you ask, you should have thought about how you’d make me feel’? Nope, not normal. Next time someone asks you for a lift OP just say ‘sorry that doesn’t work for me I’m in/ about to get into my PJs’.

At least @coldabdtired can take comfort in knowing there are other parents out there like hers, so it’s not a ‘her’ thing, it’s a ‘them’ thing.

She shouldn’t change who she is or withdraw the helps she gives, though - I believe the universe pays it forward and her kindness and thoughtfulness will make it’s way back to her in due course… just not via her parents!

You sound like a kind parent with a pragmatic attitude. Unfortunately, your DS's GF's parents sound like self-centred arseholes.

Thank God.

And fortunately the hole-picking, trouble-making types on this thread are a very small minority.

Well, it would actually be good if this thread were representative of the real world because 91% support OP's POV and do not think she was being unreasonable to ask her for a lift. Some PPs are highlighting the negative 9%, but in addition to the decisive vote, the comments have been overwhelmingly supportive of OP, so there's really no need to get in a lather about the very small mean minority.

Sorry Op if this is a derail but in replay to attached:

GF has asked for a lift to the station before and they’ve declined. If she wants to go anywhere she has to do the 3mil/1 hour walk herself, even in the rain or when it’s dark at night if she comes home that way.

On top of the walk, it’s a further 1.5 hour trip including the walk at our end. So 2.5 hours each way when it is 8.9miles away by car. I would offer to meet her at the end of the road and let them think she is using public transport, but I don’t encourage lying.

I have said that I am totally happy to pick her up from college (DS is in same town) and drop her back. There is no reason for them NOT to see each other 2-3x a week, do homework together (they are doing the same A levels and both A/A* students) when I and my DH is also happy to collect as it’s on our way from other things but they refuse to allow her. She is 18 in 2 months she should be allowed ‘out’ more than once a fortnight, surely? But she is literally not allowed to go anywhere because they will not drive her. She cannot see college friends outside college hours unless she skips seeing my son. And the reason her dad will not drive her is in part because they like to open a bottle of wine every evening and are only prepared to forgo (or delay) that once a fortnight?

They also will not allow her to stay over under any circumstances - we have offered as we have several guest bedrooms with en suites and DS/GF have both agreed between them that sex before A levels is off the table [no idea how I raised such a sensible lad]. I do get that, though as am not sure I’d be comfortable with my DD staying over at a BFs either.

So, it comes back to - if you chose to buy a house in the back and beyond you should be prepared to facilitate your children’s social lives if there is inadequate public transport - or allow other willing parents to do so on the basis it is facilitating their children’s social lives.

In my area lots there are lots of villages - all the parents happily drive their kids or pay for a taxi if they’ve had a couple of drinks already. Those that get fed up with it, move somewhere else so that their kids can be independent. Most people accept it is a temporary thing for a few years before they go to uni or learn to drive themselves and do the lifts willingly.

I think people on MN love trying to pick holes and cause trouble.
I can't imagine leaving a child of mine standing freezing waiting on a bus when I could collect them.
In what world is that ok.

I think the ones who answered sparkly must hate their kids and do the bare minimum.

Hopefully @coldabdtired you get home tonight on time.

If MN is in anyway representive of real world. Showing how little people are willing to support and help out the people who they are suppose to love the most. No wonder the world is so fucekd up.

Absolutely, for sure. I'd not like the thought of you being out in the dark, hanging around for a start. Maybe next time they ask for lifts, go put your PJ's on?

I don't personally think her parents should be the parental uber. A 25 minute car journey is around 10 - 12 miles yes? Why should her parents or you have to drive either your son or their daughter a 20 miles round trip more than once a week just so they can see one another more often.

Surely (and I appreciate money is tight when you are a student) she could ask for a lift to the station at the weekend and get the train to you and if you were willing you could drive her home. Or she could stay over at the weekend if you and her parents would be OK with that.

When I was in my teens and dating my then boyfriend didn't live very close to me. He had a three mile walk to get home. He wouldn't get a taxi. My mum doesn't drive.

I only saw him once or twice a week - mostly at weekends and then he started staying over as I hated him walking it home .

I completely get that they will obviously want to see more of one another - but I don't think it should be expected that parents drive them about. What if your car went off the road, or theirs? Or you were unwell and not able to drive? I think picking someone up in a crisis is different from having to do it regularly - and it's good of you that you do.

I don't think she clarifies whether she's always lived with them or returned. I completely agree with you though about the financial privileges many (not all) boomers have experienced compared to their children's generation. That's why we are making sure some of what we gained on the housing market goes to our adult kids in our lifetime and are supporting one living at home for free. However, human beings are complex and it's possible to recognize this privilege and still sometimes feel taken for granted. We've no idea what the relationship is like for OP, & her parents, but I know parent-guilt doesn't stop just because your kids are adults, even if you feel you shouldn't feel it. OP's mum's response sounds mean and self-focused but we don't know her situation and I'm not sure OP realised her request could have also unintentionally come across as a bit guilt trippy.

God people are such nasty shit bags sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with asking.
There is nothing wrong with parents saying no, sorry, they're in for the night.

It doesn't matter how old OP is.
It doesn't matter how much she earns.
It doesn't matter if she has a car but hasn't driven it today.
It doesn't matter that it wasn't as cold where you were.

Frankly @coldabdtired you could have text or called me (if I were your mum) and if I could be bothered I would have collected you, even if you'd just said "tbh mum I just cba walking home".

YANBU to ask them the question, your mum was UR to get frosty with you. She's your mum for crying out loud.

I'd happily go and pick up my DS in this situation. If I was in my pyjamas I'd just pull a coat on and put my trainers on. If you were doing it every week then it might become a pain but now and again is no problem.

You didn't do anything wrong by asking. I lived at home until my early 20s and this was 10+ years ago - the market is a lot different now. I don't even own my home even now, I still rent! And it's fucking extortionate. I'm surprised people are so surprised about you living at home when the state of the housing and rental market are well known to be absolute dogshit.

Anyway, I don't think you were wrong to ask. My parents have bailed me out of shitty, unavoidable situations many times, even as a fully grown adult. I hope I will do the same for my child when she's older.

I'm not saying parents should never say no or drop everything for their adult children, but you don't stop needing help sometimes when you're not a young child anymore. Life still happens and we should still be able to rely on our families when we need them.

I’d happily pick my kids up on a winters evening, no matter how old they are. Well, when I say I, I mean I’d send DH…😉