I know we’re in the strong, independent, need-no-man era, but seriously: how to cope with being single and childless.

Naturally 😅. There are just somethings I don't bother with, despite my capabilities.

I thought it was just me, haha!!

Youre allowed to feel how you wanna feel girl 🥺

Believe it or not, by some of my posts, but at 16 I was like

'I will never need a man, i'm a feminist, if you give a man power to look after you, you'll suffer, omg omg'

What did I know. Now i spend my time telling women to leave their useless husbands and find a protector and provider

Its not antifeminist to want to be loved - i'm sure you deserve it

What are you doing to find it, are you on the apps? Are you asking to be set up? xx

You can also reject the strong and independent stuff too. I've been single for a long time and I know I have I can hold my own, and do; but I've never aspired to the 'strong and independent' type. I need and accept help in many forms; because I have no business with stress, burnout and hyper-independence.
This help/support comes from interdependent relationships with my family, friends and other, because I'm not trying to fo everything by myself or be a martyr.

Oh yes I fully admit I save up lists of jobs for when my exH comes round.

You are in the season of cuddles, family activities amd all sorts, so it makes sense you feel the loneliness more acutely now. Similar to summer, when it's let's all get out and do things together season.

You don't have to feel embarrassed at all. Everyone wants different things, and it's natural to want companionship.

You can also reject the strong and independent stuff too. I've been single for a long time and I know I have I can hold my own, and do; but I've never aspired to the 'strong and independent' type. I need and accept help in many forms; because I have no business with stress, burnout and hyper-independence.
This help/support comes from interdependent relationships with my family, friends and other, because I'm not trying to fo everything by myself or be a martyr.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, OP.

Not a criticism of you, but I never totally understand when people say - and I've seen it claimed a few times on here - that we're living in an age where it's now 'unfashionable' to say that you want a partner and kids. I don't think it's unfashionable at all. It's still very much the norm. We're living in an age when the VP of the most powerful country in the world sneered at 'childless cat ladies' and got elected. I think at the very, very most, there's been a very small space pried open in some pop culture for the idea that ending up on your own might not be completely tragic, in theory. But in practice, TV and films still focus near-exclusively on stories about people wanting and finding love. I was thinking about that watching a clip from the most recent Bridget Jones movie, where all her arsehole friends are pitying her for being single and then Leo Woodall appears diving into a pool: it's supposed to be a massive win for her versus her arsehole friends, but really, it's just completely affirming her friends' values and their idea that she is a bit pathetic if she doesn't have a man. The win is that it turns out she does. No single pride here.

Tbh I would read some of the relationship threads on mumsnet. They always make me very glad to be single!

I don’t get what being “strong”, “independent” and being self-sufficient without a male partner has to do with being single and / or childless.

Maybe try and work out exactly what it is about it that bothers you? If you can pin point that it might give you some idea of what to do to help you live with it (or if you just want to vent obviously that’s fine to)

Me too - except I'm 10 (+) years older than you; just turned 50 this year.
I feel so sad right now, and think that it's because of all of the loved up folks out at Christmas events, etc.
I've also become estranged from my father this year, and can't go to family over Christmas. I have a lovely friend who has invited me, but it's just her and her partner, and I'm not sure I can be with that.
I had a lovely partner, and our fertility problems ended up destroying the relationship, and I've been on my own since. Guys of my age seem to want women in their 30s, so they can become 50 year old dads, for some reason. But that's a whole other complaint.
Nothing constructive to add, except, I feel your pain OP.

I absolutely hear you. Christmas with its relentless focus on families and children and presents can be hellish. yes you can have good friends, but they are generally involved with their own families over the Christmas period. I even find it hard being with my DSis's family and they open their massive piles of presents from one another, and then there's little old me with two - one from her and one from my mum (yes yes, I know I'm lucky to get those!).

The summer is just as bad, seeing all those loved up holidays on social media.

There is the pressure, this expectation to be FINE with being single, to LOVE IT. All that independence! All that being answerable to no one! All that not having to clear up after some man. Yes but it would be nice to snuggle up with someone on the sofa occasionally, to cuddle in bed, to share the load, to talk over your day, even to share the cost of living with (it's bloody crippling me at the moment)

I never said it was embarrassing! I was asking why the OP didn't have a partner, because she has sabotaged good opportunities for potential life partners due to progressive propaganda or because she genuinely can't find any men of sufficient quality. I should have been clearer. Nothing embarrassing about wanting a partner

Completely! I can't be doing with the OTT shouldn't want a partner thing and more than I can be doing with the must have a husband and babies thing. They each have their advantages and disadvantages. You are allowed to want a relationship.

How would that make it embarrassing?!

That's not embarrassing. It's OK. But also it's OK to be single and comfortable in your own company and prioritise yourself and enjoy the company of your friends when you want to and peace of solitude when you want to. Have you thought about having a baby by yourself? I have 2 friends who have done this now. They have great family support and are very happy. Happier than a lot of my married friends.

You’re allowed to want a partner there’s no shame in that. It doesn’t turn you into some pathetic princess locked in a castle waiting to be rescued.

Are you actively getting yourself out there and dating @Idontthinkibelonghere

Dearth of eligible bachelors?

The thing is, you're allowed to have your feelings. There's nothing "embarrassing" about wanting to have a partner.

YANBU OP. In the US they call this time of year "cuffing season" - when we want to snuggle up with a significant other.

How old are you? Where do you live? (roughly)