Wedding planning - in law drama

102 replies

ellie09 · 10/12/2025 11:00

Hi all,

I'm getting married in July 2026 and its a fairly small wedding with just family and close friends. I only have 1 MOH and 1 best man involved, no other bridesmaids etc.

My partner and I are planning it together as we are financing it all (as it should be!)

There have been a few previous posts about my MIL always falling out with DP on various things and the saga continues, except this time, she has brought up the wedding.

Apparently, the in laws dont feel "included" in the planning, but theres nothing to include them in?

Points she raised:

That she hasn't seen my wedding dress and I brought my mum and MOH along.

I was only allowed 2 people for the appointment, as well as me, so I chose my own mother and my MOH as they are closest to me, so I dont see an issue with this?

Nobody in her family has a "role".

We have already mentioned I am just having my closest best friend and DP is only having one best man. I have 3 sisters I could have picked, and other close friends but I haven't. DP is the same. We were going to offer his mum or sisters a chance to do a reading etc, but now we aren't so sure.

Apparently, its an issue that they dont know the colour scheme?

We are currently undecided between two colours, we havent got a bridesmaid dress and have neutral flowers etc so I am not sure what I can do about that? Plus there's 8 months to go?

I got my bridal make up trial done without including MIL or his sisters.

I went on my own as it was a BRIDAL trial. MOH and my mum aren't getting a trial but I am footing the make up bill for both. MOH is a given and my mum had asked me. I had mentioned to MIL who I was using and all she said was the make up artist lived in a bad area, she knew other ones etc so I just thought that was the end of that?

AIBU with any of this?

I know wedding planning can be stressful and not sure if I am being a bridezilla?

I like to think I have been fair to all, especially as none of my family have been included in any planning etc either. We just want our guests to come and enjoy the day!

OP posts:

Rocketship003 · 10/12/2025 11:14

She hasn’t seen your wedding dress - imo this is quite normal, my MIL never saw me in my dress until I walked down the aisle. My mum saw my dress and so did my MOH and bridesmaids.

Nobody in her family has a role - you’ve already mentioned it is a small wedding. I’m not sure what she’s expecting to be honest. Could you make up a role? Not saying you have to do this, but could dedicate silly jobs to them like making sure everyone is seated at X time or involve one of them in a speech if you are doing speeches. readings are also a good way to get them involved if you want to keep the peace.

They don’t know a colour scheme - just tell them to wear whatever they want.

Getting make up done - I think speak to your husband to be and ask him to contribute to getting his mum’s makeup done. As your mum is getting hers done, I think it would be a nice gesture to also offer this to MIL as well. We also had a small wedding and kept things pretty fair between my mum and my mother-in-law. If I was getting my mum’s hair done, I’d offered to get mother-in-law’s hair done. If I was getting my mum flowers, I’d be getting mother-in-law flowers too. I know you’ve already told MIL who is doing the make up but I would literally just message her and say this is the make up artist we are using, we are happy to contribute towards you having this done at X time on wedding morning. would you like to ask us to book this in for you?

NutButterOnToast · 10/12/2025 11:04

I think you should pay for a MUA for your MIL. Or your DH should. One of you, anyway. Anything your mum gets i think your MIL should get - flowers, hairdresser, whatever.

If you're not bothered what colour they wear for the wedding then say so, presumably they just want to "get it right" and align with your scheme, which is nice tbh.

The rest, I agree with. She sounds like a bit of a pain tbh.

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