Help me make over my weekends for 2026

@ElfinsMum I completely hear you!

I am trying to unmartyr myself and focus on what matters most- some things I used to tie myself up in knots about DH quite rightly pointed out no one cared about and I didn’t care, I just felt I ought to.

It’s a WIP as it’s so tempting to do it myself rather than watch DS take 5x as long but I remind myself he’ll never learn if I always do his laundry/make breakfast.

Take a long bath every week. Candle, wine and book if that's your thing, lock the door, 1h no interruptions.

Go for a coffee with your economist once a week. Be that an evening, lunch break or weekend. Go, enjoy it.

I'd also recommend something active once a week, like a gym class.

That's 3h total but makes a world of difference.

And maybe have 5-10 min each evening when the whole family does a quick household tidy. Surfaces clear, cushions plumped, rubbish out, quick dust. Put music on if you want.

14 and 12 year olds should be doing more of the chore load. They can do laundry and fold and put away. They should be learning cooking skills and helping clean. They should be doing dishes or loading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes. Your 6 year old should have basic chores too.

As for the bread, premix your dry bread ingredients, leave out the yeast and put that in a container. When you're ready to use your machine, put in your wet ingredients, then dump in your mix, and put your yeast on top. Label the mixes, like rye, wheat, whatever you make.

Your time has a value!

On that basis, online shop rather than using up time at Aldi.

Your children are old enough to do chores.

I once bagged up the crap DS and DH left around. It changed their behaviour when the magic fairy stopped putting their stuff away.

I tidy before the cleaner comes so she can actually clean, but if you dont you either pay the cleaner for longer so they have time to tidy, or accept they clean less.

Or - everyone else cleans - or their stuff goes in a box or binbag - or have less stuff / have it better organised?

Also - where is the give? Do you have the cash to perhaps buy a non-UPF loaf and sub in pitta bread or something else non-UPF? Maybe every other week? Takeaway family feast? Get the kids to do something?
Replace Steve Backshall with a programme or podcast in French?
Dont launder stuff so often (perhaps except pants socks and sports kit)

And yes to a long bath with The Economist.

(Disclaimer - i am a martyr in recovery).

Why are your children not stripping their own beds?

If that’s the case, you have too much stuff. Set aside a weekend for a massive decluttering.

we are messy

I think a lot of your problems stem from this. Why so messy and how to improve it?

I’m a massive believer in doing things as I go along which results in a tidy house. Have you tried a box for each person to dump their mess in and then be responsible for putting their own stuff away if they won’t do it as they go along?

Then get the cleaner, book the food shop, drop the volunteering and look at how to first the French and piano in. Everyone else in your house has hobbies that you facilitate so now it’s time to facilitate yourself.

I would cut the 3 sports down to 2 if you can

or give them the option - help with housework and laundry or we need to cut down to 2
plus the extra saved cash could go towards online food shopping

Step back from leading the activity. You've done your bit and you are tired, frazzled and need some time.

Book the shopping online. Maybe it will cost a little more but it gives you back 1.5hours of your life.

Yes a cleaner results in hideous tidying the night before but it does force you to do it and saves the X hours you'd have spent cleaning after you did the tidying. I hate having the cleaner on Monday morning as it ruins my Sunday evening tidying but better that than losing all day Sunday tidying AND cleaning.
Make the kids do their own laundry, that should encourage them to not put clean things in the basket (all teens seem to do this!) Washing bedding once a fortnight is a small price to pay for more downtime.
No one puts on the TV until living room is tidy and they can absolutely pick shit up themsleves.. what did their last slave die of?
Make the kids wear headphones to watch noisy damned TV downstairs or put a TV elsewhere for them. I am noise sensitive so noisy kids TV in an open plan area is 100% just not possible for me.
Really though it's about priorities and you need to prioritse your Economist reading.

My absolute best parenting decision was getting DC to strip their own beds from tiny. At 5yo they'd strip bedding and load it into the washing machine every Monday morning. Remake before bedtime. Two sets of sheets so it doesn't matter if the first aren't dry. They'd need help initially but not by 9/10yo and it means I've never had to handle teenage boys' bedding!

I've also "invested" time in training them properly. So both boys, from about 12yo, had detailed step by step bathroom cleaning instructions saved on their phones, and could be sent to do the clean without supervision.

Personally I've found a system where they do their bit when asked works better than setting regular chores, otherwise you give yourself the extra hassle of chasing up the chores!

Get a cleaner!
And yes we do a big tidy the night before, we are fairly messy too but half an hour seems to be enough if everyone is helping. If my 2 year old can put his duplo away your teens can tidy too! Maybe TV should be only for when the chores are done?

That does sound like a lot of washing too, I reckon one load per person per week, plus one for the household. So for the 4 of us that's 5 a week? Should be 6-7 for you? Does all the bedding need to be done every week? I only do mine every 2-3 weeks and the kids maybe 3-4 or when there's an accident.

Also online shopping! I think a lot of supermarkets price match Aldi now, eg Texco, and their late slots can be pretty cheap like £1-2.

Start delegating things as of now.

No one else in your house does anything because they know they don’t have to.

Get a whiteboard/chalkboard and every day each person has their chores to complete. Your children are more than capable of emptying/loading the dishwasher or washing machine, taking out bins, hoovering etc.

If they don’t complete you turn off wifi, take away consoles, say you won’t take them to clubs, they won’t get pocket money.

If you don’t want to be doing it all, don’t.

Just do it. Check DH is around if you need him to be and put on your coat and leave.

Find a local coffee shop.

Nobody will give you permission to go, you just have to put your shoes on, shout goodbye and go. Switch your phone off and have a cuppa.

Its the only way I have found.

Yes I completely get that.

If the kids wont clear up or tidy up, then you have to make them. Disciplining children is just as much a part of raising them as is taking them to sports and after school activities.

I dont mean to be hard on you, you are no doubt a fabulous mum and the centre of the home and rightly so . But sometimes a little selfishness is a good thing!

Flylady has a "hotspot" system.

Identify the dumping grounds in your home and spend 5 mins before bed clearing them. That way a big tidy up is never needed.

Your life sounds like mine, I also wash every day during the week as well as the many loads/cleaning/taxi at weekends. Unfortunately, I have talented kids of the sporty and musical variety. I always said the second it stops being fun, we stop but the pair of them continue to win trophies and be really bloody good at things.
I will watch DD sing for the 5th time in a week on Friday morning, those bells have jingled enough for me already and we still have two weeks to go.

I have stepped back from being a volunteer leader, other parents took the piss too many times.

DD will be off to Uni soon, so the constant cooking and cleaning may drop a bit but may also be replaced with much bigger life stresses from quite a distance. The person who invents quick drying hoodies can have all my money.

I have tried with a cleaner, with hobbies, and I once attempted friends and a bit of a life. It barely works and I end up being more stressed by deadlines or tidying up for them coming.

My non-negotiable is the gym. I get to go as it stops me from killing my family.

I look forward to it just being two people again in the house so much.

(This has been written with a large dose of tongue in cheek before you vipers come for me. I realise how lucky I am, but god its hard at times and we as mums need to be kinder to each other. Now where are the Christmas Jumpers??)

It’s controversial but tv’s in kids room so they csn watch thier shows in there in peace on the saturday? might save your sanity a bit.

Your whole OP states all of the housework and life admin you’re doing, where is your husband in all of this?

why isn’t he sharing the load of washing, food shopping, cooking etc?

You need to start sharing the load more also I would be setting the children more chores. They are more than capable of taking all of their dirty sports kit and putting it in the machine and then hanging it out. You say that no one else will do anything around the house…they soon will if you make it clear that there will be no clean kit for their next match unless they do it. Same deal with your husband, if he isn’t going to step up and do his fair share tell him the alternative is that he pays someone else to do it. Stop being a martyr and doing everything yourself.

Can you team up with other parents from their clubs and trade off weekends. You don’t need to be there for absolutely every match that they play. If you can get one weekend a month where you’re not going and another parent is taking them that will make a difference.

Batch cooking is your friend. Once a month put a few hours on a Sunday aside. Make up a big chilli con carne, bolognese, curry, soup etc and freeze portions. They can all easily be served with rice, pasta, jacket potato’s, naan breads etc to make for easy evenings where you’re not cooking for ages.

Make time for yourself. I know it’s hard to put yourself first but make it clear to everyone when discussing the weekend plans that on Sunday morning Mum will be out from 10-12 having some time to herself.