Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

But he goes away himself sometimes ao this isn't the issue

I agree the DH relationship with DC will suffer, but what is OP genuinely doing to help DH's relationship with DC improve?

She doesn't contribute financially to alleviate this burden from DH. She has family members that can help out from time to time, but that's them helping out in those situation. And guarantee those family members will help OP have downtime when it suits her.

OP has an easy life. Living a comfortable lifestyle free of the burden of working life due to being married to an absolute grafter. Gets to form strong relationships with DC to the detriment of DH's relationship (yes he is partly to blame but OP's relationship with DC wouldn't be as strong if she was contributing financially).

I think people underestimate the stress and responsibilty DH probably feels and those calling him a crap dad etc are BU. I bet DH would love nothing more than to win the lottery and spend his days with DC, but short of a lottery win or a partner who can contribute financially that's just a dream.

Absolutely. It’s not babysitting or helping out when it’s his own children.

go and have your weekend away, as a sahm you literally never switch off. It’s good for the soul to remember you are an adult in your own right not just mum

Why doesn’t he lean on his family?

He has a workforce of 50, he is not a one man band. What if he was in hospital sick for example, if the business could not carry on without him for two days then I think that is very flimsy.

My parents owned their own business, it’s often a 24/7, we were latch key kids. I don’t think people understand what it’s like if they have never done it. DH has a very busy job that involves calls at stupid hours/ travel. He definitely does what he can, sometimes someone is just not available

Can you work on the assumption he is taking care of them but ask family to step in as back up incase he needs a few hours? Also going away on a weekend with adults means you can step away for a few hours and get on the laptop/phone of you need to. It’s not the same with kids.

I would think the same if it was the wife running a business and dad as SAHP as well.

Yeah. Maybe it would be a good idea to get back into full time work at a high earning level so that she can support the family should his business fail!

Seems like you are trying to prove a point for the sake of it to be honest. You’ve said the business that your family (including your children) rely on is in a tricky industry and your husband needs to work long hours including most weekends to keep it afloat. How do you expect him to have 3 kids alone and do that? What happens if he didn’t go in for the weekend? Would this impact your finances? Impact the ability to pay your bills that month? Are you expecting your family to make no plans that weekend as well in case they are needed? It’s pretty selfish on your part to be honest.

It’s easy to sit there as a SAHM who is supported solely by her husband and say that he needs to pull his weight with the kids. I totally agree to some extent, but you are putting him in a situation that you know he can’t commit too. If you have willing family, the kids need to go there. Or failing that you need to get yourself a job to get some extra income in, so it’s not so imperative your husband goes in every weekend. I’m sure your husband given the choice, would prefer to spend his time with his children. He can’t do that because he is having to support all 3 of them and a perfectly fit and healthy adult (you).

I was a doormat for a long time then I grew a pair and started saying no. Then I moved away and he couldn't do it anymore.

If his business can't run whilst he looks after his chikdren/is in hospital/on holiday it's a poorly managed business and is doomed

He is a father first!

Damned right. Leave it to him to fix, this isn’t your problem to fix, the kids have 2 parents and he can say to anyone in the business “won’t be overly involved for these 2 days, as @Plasey is away and I’m responsible for the kids, call me if you need me”

this is a control move by stealth, call it out.

You are coming across that you are deliberately making his life more stressful - and your family being unable to plan - just to make a point. Not a good look.

I might have misread the OP but surely it doesnt matter whether OP needs a break, or she thinks the kids need more time with their dad, or she thinks DH needs to shoulder the responsibility of parenting a bit more, the fact is it doesnt sound like he spends a hell of a lot of time parenting... you can change jobs (not easy, but you've got plenty of years in your children's childhood to do so) but you cant just put parenting off until your industry calms down - when people say you dont get that time back, its not just about you, its because a good relationship with your kids is one that requires you to actually be with them, they wont feel connected to or supported by a man they never saw (even if he was out doing something 'for them') Its not the 1950s, DH isnt off down the mines for 12 hours a day just to keep his kids from starving. Happy to be told ive read the situation totally wrong though!

Plenty of businesses need their owners all the time. This country has many such 'flimsy' businesses needed to keep things going. This one is paying for the OP's home and DC. Why slag off his genuine commitments when the OP is going off on a jolly? And she should be able to go on a jolly, I just don't get why it makes her think he should have zero respite and extra stress for no reason.

Going off the OP's description, and quite apart from the immediate issues, there is way too much key person risk in his business. What would happen if he couldn't work for some reason? Can none of the 50-odd staff manage things?

As a Mum with some similarities yet some differences (Dad has own business and works across 7 days, however I work FT), he is being unreasonable

I get that he’s the sole breadwinner in the family, so the weight of the finances fall to him as does every work emergency. However the kids need their dad too, if he can’t spare 1 weekend for them, then that is going to make for a very weak relationship with them in the future. A person can either use the excuse of their business as to why they can’t spend time with their own kids or they can use the benefit of their own business to flex their hours in order to spend time with their children

Welcome to the real world.

I agree. Hence I think SAHMs have it really easy as the majority of their "job" is not work, it's just spending time with their children. He's picking up the shitty load of providing, so that she can have the fun/easy role of SAHM.

He has to WORK at the weekend (as he covers both parent's share of the thankless providing task), so he's not available to do the fun bit of playing and hanging out with his kids.

If OP equally shared the load of financially providing, he could probably step back a bit and get to spend more time with his family.

Very flimsy business indeed if he cannot be spared for two days.

Why don’t you say no to your BIL then?

My husband would be expected to parent his kids while I'm away and he wouldn't expect anything less. That's life. Whereas I have a BIL who always ships his kids to me when my DS is away because he's "busy" sorry but no. Don't be organising shifts or whatever when you've got responsibilities. They'd have to cope if he was sick or something worse so they can cope without him for a couple of days!

YABU because as you said yourself he often has to work week-ends when problems arises so it's not like any of you are sure he's free. So he will be stressed hoping that nothing comes up while you're away and how nice is that for the children? I'm a sahm and I have never had a week-end off even though my dh is really off the week-end. He's exhausted after a week of work and even if I could go away it wouldn't be fair to him or the kids- He's got a stressful job with many people getting sacked atm and dc1 is autistic and a pain to deal with. I couldn't relax knowing that it's a shitshow at home. Why would you want to subject your dh to the stress and your children potentially having to be shipped off last minute to relatives.

This is grossly unfair on OP's DH.

He works tirelessly to provide financially for a family of 5. This includes giving up time most weekends to ensure the business continues to perform. He also contributes to housework when not working.

OP has 'well behaved' DC and a good support network from her family. I think it's fair assume from her posts that OP will have significantly more personal downtime than her DH.

It also doesn't come across that OP wants DH to spend time with DC for bonding reasons, but more becuase she has them so much then he needs to have them.

Changes need to be made as nobody should be working relentlessly and missing out on quality family time. But this doesn't seem to be the focus of the OP.

With respect no SAHM is actively working 24/7. They have responsibility 24/7 (just has he has responsibility 24/7 for all the finances) but active work is likely to be no more hours than him. And most people think it's a pleasure and a privilege to spend time with their children, and don't consider playing with them, chatting to them, going to the park with them etc as "work". I'm sure if he didn't have the burden of earning falling on him 24/7, then he'd love to have the joy of playing with them. But, as he's said, he will need to WORK, as that full burden falls on him so he's not available for the full weekend, so she needs to make other arrangements.

Don’t be such a twit. Lots of jobs require emergency cover. If you own a business it’s often bloody hard work keeping it afloat, and it often doesn’t let you work standard hours. It doesn’t mean you can’t have kids - but you do have to have a family that compromises.