Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

I absolutely hate that there is this misconception that just because you are a SAHM you do not have the right to any free time. That your partner gets to do whatever they want and that you are responsible 24/7 for the kids, almost as a punishment for not working.

It’s a massive shame. I’ve been on here 17 years and it’s only been in the last few years. This thread isn’t too bad, the op is savvy enough to ignore them, but on threads where the woman is being abused and is so downtrodden, it’s heartbreaking.

most of the posters seem like women to me. they just have a differing point of view

The misogyny on this site is off the scale.
Completely toxic.

ah so its about him making childcare a priority in the same way he does other things or his leisure activities ?

then say that to him.

"DH i am going away and i'd like you to make it a priority to spend the whole weekend with DC just like you do with "activity". its important for you and them to get your full attention sometimes and to spend quality time without me around."

the way you've presented it here is not clear that that is your aim. it just seems like you want him to "just because" not because its clear that he doesn't make it his priority. Have you been clear with him on this?

So where does the 'hardest job in the world' feed into it? Sitting down with your kids and doing activities that stimulates their learning and strengthens your bond with them isn't a hard, strenuous job now is it? You said it was case closed that OP had the more difficult jo so I'm wondering how you came to that conclusion, especially when OP said DC were all well behaved?

Op I think it's fairly straight forward. You need to work full time before you can ask your dh to mind his children for the weekend. If you work full time, though the magic of the moral high ground, your dh will be forced to mind the kids. Unfortunately people married to SAHP have fewer hours in the week for their kids than people where both parents work full time or working single parents.

I agree, it seems there has been an influx of men on MN who seem to delight in scolding women. They are pathetic.

And you think he would in order to spend time with his kids, when he doesnt do that now?

I cannot get past someone making excuses for a father who makes sure he gets time away from work, for his own trips and hobbies, but not to spend time with his own CHILDREN. I heard once that the family hierarchy is:
Man
Kids
Woman

Going from this thread, that's absolutely true in a lot of people's minds.

It depends how you do it.

of course parenting can be super easy, you can put them in front of an iPad and feed them chicken nuggets.

or you can put effort in and help them develop in to wonderful people.

I really hope not 🙏🏿

this info makes a huge difference to this thread.
it’s a shame it wasn’t in from the beginning.

so many people have made assumptions in favour of the wohp that he HAS to work.

clearly he doesn’t.

if he can go away for a weekend, enjoying peace of mind that his children are being well looked after by their other parent, then you should have that same experience. Equity. Equal downtime.

this is the bottom line in the who has it harder debate. It isn’t about hour by hour who is having a worse time. It’s about the fact that if one needs down time the wohp can go. The sahp can not.

Sorry why should it be a female only space? I've been a SAHP of two young children (1 & 3) in the past after splitting maternity leave with DW. Imo experience that time was sigificantly easier than working FT. Granted not everyone has it that easy, but some do, hence you can't say it's the most difficult job in the world. My opinion is just as valid.

Also it's funny how you cry misogyny when so many are jumping on the default position of slagging off the OP's DH. A guy who probably works harder than most ppl on here slagging him. He also contributes to the housework as OP admitted.

But let's not have a range of opinions folks, let's just berate men and their failings, and pat OP on the back for being a super awesome mum. She's only an awesome mum through her own efforts, and none of the financial or domestic support she receives from DH facilitates in her being that mum.

You made your choice, which was 100% of the home and children while your DH does 100% of the providing. It wouldn't be my choice for various reasons, but it's yours and DH’s and that fine.

The problem is that you are now trying to shift the goal posts. He already has the (far) larger load, and now you're trying to make him do your agreed job in addition to all of his own. And you have other options available to you

No but he could more often pay for the specialist cover OP has said is necessary when he goes away.

That seems like a very straightforward solution to me.

He is permanently 'on call'

Except when he has his weekends away...

So you're suggesting that if OP worked he would suddenly have a competent work force and wouldn't need to work at weekends and would instead parent his children? What are you basing this on?

Given he has already said he suspects he will have to go in, that you accept this does happen at weekends, I would just do what you regularly do.
He is not 'getting out of looking after his kids'. He suspects he will be at work. He probably wishes he wasn't and could have a whole weekend without checking his emails etc. But he cannot. He is permanently 'on call'.
He may well be more than capable of looking after his children. The OP says he does when he is not working. All he has communicated to her is he thinks he might have to go in.
I wouldn't get het up about it.

I don't understand the logic at all. On one hand they are claiming that it is impossible for those working to take on any form of parental role, whilst at the same time stating OP should get out to work. Surely by that logic her DC would then be totally abandoned?

Yeah I literally care for pregnant women so I'm privy to their plans etc. Most women in very demanding jobs of that status have a nanny or rely on family for childcare. They aren't doing it all themselves by any means.

He's capable of looking after his own children alone.

If he has 50 employees, he can get someone to cover him.

If he manages to go away on his own holidays, then it is possible.

Hardly. He's having to work all hours because she's chosen not to. She's free to work and use the raft of childcare options available to them.

You are absolutely entitled to make your choice, with the compromises it will require, but it's unclear why you're being so difficult about this weekend.

No she would just get her mum or employ a nanny. That's what women with demanding jobs tend to do. I don't know who you know...