Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

I am not a SAHM and I have no interest in ever being one but I really disagree with the POV being suggested that being a SAHM means that your children's father doesn't need to ever do any parenting.

This dad sounds like he has never had the kids on his own for even a day let alone a weekend. That isn't the standard "deal" that is made in a SAHM/working parent dynamic. Having a wife who is a SAHM doesn't mean you have no responsibilities ever to look after your own children, you're still a parent!

I'm a woman and I think the OP is being ridiculous. She wants to have her cake and eat it. If she doesn't want to work, she can't expect her husband to do her job as well.

I think the criticism directed at OP is due to her criticism of DH. She has admitted to not working because she wants to enjoy time with DC whilst they're young. She has also admitted to having family nearby and willing to help out with childcare. She is also about to go away for a fun child-free weekend.

So it's clear that OP has a fairly relaxed set up from her perspective. She claims to be more flexible than many would be I wonder in what ways she's flexible? Getting your family to help our when you're away? That's not you being flexible is it?

Meanwhile DH has a delicate business and the responsibility of 50 members of staff. He works long hours and he is worried he might have to go into work. But OP wants to remove existing support from him 'out of principle'. As PP says he's not wanting to go on a weekend bender with his pals, and in OP's own words he rarely gets a weekend to himself.

It's clear DH is the more stressed out of the two. OP could insist on DH watching the DC but have family members on hand as an absolute last resort, but would rather put DH into a difficult spot in neglecting any work emergencies. I don't think there's anything wrong with calling her out on that, especially as many PP are more than happy to lump on the criticism of DH.

To all those attacking the OP for being a SAHM rather than earning, perhaps her being a SAHM has allowed her DH to build his business because she has taken on the majority of the household tasks and responsibilities for the DC. Working as a GP, even part-time, isn't necessarily compatible with having small children, especially if married to someone who owns his own business with all the responsibility that entails. My SIL was a GP pre-DC and she was regularly having to work well into the evening dealing with paperwork. She quit because of the hours. Fortunately she had an additional specialism and she was able to find a job in that doing clinics 9-5.

He’s not comfortable doing it, for whatever reason. Yes you can make an issue of it and add to his stress and the guilt and sadness he must feel at being so busy supporting you all. Or you can just ship the DC out to family and enjoy yourself and support him. Is it that hard?!

If emergencies happen over the weekend as you said, yes YABU.
You need a back up plan, just in case,
stick to your usual plan or cancel your trip if them being with a parent is that important to you.
Additional stress in a stressful working patter is not a desirable option for anyone.
You have said his work is his and your priority, not me.
I'm team husband in this one.

Some of the answers on this post are so weird, I really don't understand what your role as a SAHM has to with anything, nor does how much your DH earns, or how nice your house is. So irrelevant,

I can perhaps sympathise with your position as my DH also runs a sizeable business and is never "off the clock". I make a lot of allowances, sometimes through gritted teeth because I appreciate he's supporting the family financially (I work but only part time, low wage). But that doesn't mean he is excused from every aspect of parenting all together, and if I wanted a rare weekend away I would expect him to step up as the main caregiver for that period, with appropriate back up arranged, if required.

Huge credit to you that you are a SAHP.
Also full marks for saying to your DH that you need to be away for a weekend and he needs to look after the children.
It gives you a proper break (having to organise children going away as well as yourself is a big task) and it gives him some work life balance. It's not healthy for the family if he's basically always on call.
FWIW I've had both a few days away and separately a week whilst my DH worked. I'm a SAHP (though currently not well enough to work) but I need breaks too and not for my family to always be picking up slack.....

indeed. The comment to which i was replying was re your not being 'allowed' free time as a SAHM and this is something you very much are going to have (enjoy!), my point was, I guess, that it doesn't seem selfish or misogynistic to want to be able to support the family's business, for the whole family's benefit- DP is not wanting to spend the whole weekend in pub playing darts, or is he?

it is but a moral thought experiment really, there is a satisfactory for all scenario available that provides a win-win-win for DF,DC,DH and OP already has the win as the free time away is already locked in. Their life to date has been structured as it so is to allow this scenario. Business, check, SAHP , check, family nearby for helping out, check 🙌(Except that OP wants to rule out that scenario for vague...reasons)

Quite an overreach there. OP has a weekend away (as normal people do from time to time) and consequently DH drops the ball, the business is RUINED and 50 families are out on the street - come on, pull the other one…..

The guy does do this. He goes whenever he wants. That’s the point. (Although op didn’t detail that till recently and thus the thread got derailed by posters making up that he must be in work 24-7).

He makes times for his own activities though, hobbies and family holidays etc. but is refusing to make time for her to tap out for the weekend.

He believes he has 24/7 childcare and/or she will arrange family childcare when she is unable to fulfil that herself - therefore removing himself from the equation due to her a status as a SAHM which I do believe is misogynistic.

Yes, and it's those who put the effort in who will generally find it easy, as they will have engaged children happily participating in a range of activies. Happy and calm! Whereas shoving a child on tech and ignoring them tends to end up with bored, restless children constantly trying to get their parents attention.

The more effort you put into SAH parenting, the easier it is.

OP literally is taking free time. The question she raises is what her DH does when she is taking her free time. Is he going to a) make himself available to support the sole family income (already works most weekends per OP) or b) take free time for himself. He is preferring a), not sure why that is mysogynistic.

What 😂

It's not cheeky for parents to have whole weekends away.
It just needs to be equal - dad gets weekends away, mum gets weekends away.

I can’t work out if you’re serious, no he won’t mind his kids more if she works full time. He will resent her more, and work just as much as before, while she falls apart trying to parent and work.

@Caterpillar1 if he did it all the time he would be, but not the occasional weekend

But why shouldn’t OP have the odd weekend to herself

Dh doesn’t often go away for recreation at the weekends but when he does I’m not shipping the kids out
so you choose to not reply upon the options you have (being the reasons you chose to live where you live, by your own words) over some inexplicable martyrdom complex, and therefore you want your DH to take an unnecessary gamble with a precarious business ... to what end benefit? Would the children not be best off with a business that's hanging by a hair's breadth being protected, or at least a business that's hanging on be pushed further towards imminent danger? You can choose not to have some time by yourself when he is away, but he can't choose to make himself available for work emergencies on a weekend when you ARE away, so impacting you not at all? And your family are not negatively impacted anyway? This beggars belief.

Honestly, if I was a SAHM out of choice, I think it would be very cheeky of me to go on a whole weekend with friends without kids. Try reversing roles/genders and think about it. If it was a guy doing this, he would be annihilated here.

This thread is nuts. Dads who work are not necessarily doing ‘both parents share of providing’ and that statement is grossly offensive to the major part of parents role which is parenting. It’s not just the fun side at home, the op is a gp and I expect she will be working again in a few years but it’s really quite shit to be working with a partner with no flex and young children. I work full time and my dh has to step up and shoulder the load- this man goes into work most weekends and expects his wife to deal with it.

Totally agree with that @MummyJ36