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Original poster

Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

309 replies

Plasey · 10/12/2025 01:38

Husband is self employed and I am a SAHM. The division of labour is very clear cut in our marriage. Dh does help with the house/kids when he is not working. Whilst I do my best to make sure husband is supported in his business. I think I am a lot more flexible than many would be in my situation. DH’s business is hugely stressful for him. The industry DH works is in a weird place and he’s feeling it. Especially as he has 50+ staff who rely on him. Luckily I have siblings without children and my parents to help me out.

I want to go on a weekend away with some friends. Normally I would send my two youngest to my sister/BIL and the oldest to my parents. But I’ve thought, “no I want the kids to be with their dad for the two days I am away”. He’s their father after all and they are very well behaved.

its caused a bit of an issue. Dh is worried he will have to go into work and he will be left up shits creek if that were the case. Dh doesn’t often go away for recreation at the weekends but when he does I’m not shipping the kids out.

It has become a matter of principle. Am I being unreasonable?

Dh doesn’t see why we can’t do what we always do ie get help from my family.

OP posts:
Celestialmoods · 10/12/2025 05:48

You want to make life difficult for him just for the sake of it? If he didn’t pull his weight or provide for the family, then your principal might be worth fighting for, but as that’s not the case, you are being petty.

You’re being supported
to be a SAHM for a reason. How would you feel about it if your DH decided you need to bring in three days worth of income according to your current expenses while looking after the children as well? Or is that different because you’re a woman?

Original poster
Plasey · 10/12/2025 05:47

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/12/2025 02:42

I think if he has 50 members of staff... he can be spared for 48 hrs.

Separately his business must be doing amazingly / i bet your house is 🤩.

If hes scared of 48hrs solo unless youve got 3 under 3 or something all the more reason to let him build confidence.
I might get my mum or sibling to come one afternoon for a few hours to join (not take over) if I was feeling kind.

His business has large overheads and slim margins. We are certainly not rolling in it. He pays himself a fair salary and we are comfortable

OP posts:
NumbersGuy · 10/12/2025 05:46

OP you're being very selfish here. DH works to provide the support for a FAMILY OF 5. Having 50+ employees depending on you, yes it's a likely 24/7 commitment, which is why it's a pipedream to disregard prior arrangements that have worked simply because you want him to suffer and you dress it up as principle. You're not working, he could at any time lose his business because being self-employed gives you NO benefits, so why take a chance on dismantling what has worked in the past. It makes no logical sense when spouses want to take screw around with your only source of income for no realistic and logical point. Besides, if he gets called into at the last minute, he's not going to have time to arrange sitting arrangements for 3 children, especially since he appears to be needing to be on-call 7 days a week.

Anxiouswaffle · 10/12/2025 05:24

If he has to go in could he not call upon your siblings/parents then - eg only if he needs to?

Lambington · 10/12/2025 05:09

Id be more concerned about the potentially precarious state of his buisiness if he cant deligate tasks for 48 hours. Do you never go on holiday? What happens if he gets sick?

Swash89 · 10/12/2025 04:12

He’s a bit pathetic! Just let him deal with them and if a work issue comes up, he has to delegate.

PollyBell · 10/12/2025 02:45

WallaceinAnderland · 10/12/2025 02:31

A man who cannot parent his own children is not a man I would want in my life. What is wrong with him? Have you asked him?

But he has children and works the op doesn't so questions and comments can be put towards both sides

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/12/2025 02:42

I think if he has 50 members of staff... he can be spared for 48 hrs.

Separately his business must be doing amazingly / i bet your house is 🤩.

If hes scared of 48hrs solo unless youve got 3 under 3 or something all the more reason to let him build confidence.
I might get my mum or sibling to come one afternoon for a few hours to join (not take over) if I was feeling kind.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/12/2025 02:31

A man who cannot parent his own children is not a man I would want in my life. What is wrong with him? Have you asked him?