Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

A lot of women want a man who earns a lot of money and that often comes with very long working hours and commitments. This is what they wanted. They didnt want a middle manager who can leave the office at 5. They wanted the CEO.

My dh can and does look after our 3 on his own. We do not have your set up though and have always both worked around each other. We don't have family to rely upon tbh and in general neither of us needs help to parent our own children.

Your set up is a choice and having multiple children with a dh that is often unavailable is in my view a poor one. I often find that where the father opts out of actual parenting the mother relies on help from somewhere and it's often her family that get roped in. Again if your family are fine with that then fair enough but I would be annoyed to be default childcare when a parent is available.

He manages to go away himself so has some sort of emergency cover availableat work then. Why can't he use that when you are away?

I’m sort of on the fence on this one as if something cocks up big time with the business because he couldn’t get into work or he took his eye off the ball, your family might all be up shit’s creek. What is the industry he works in?

Do you ever go on family holidays or away as a couple? What arrangements are in place for the business then?

You haven't set up a life where your husband has consistently solo parented alone and now you want to leave him with 3 kids knowing he will likely get called into work?

If you wanted a life where you do 50/50 work and parenting, you should have insisted on that years ago.

I would have DH look after the kids with family on standby if he does need to work. I’m not sure why that’s such an issue?

If you’ve got willing family I don’t see why you can’t ask them for the odd weekend. Seems like you are standing on principle here and want to force DH to cover for you when you know it might be difficult for him.

I think it's fine to arrange for him to be in charge of the kids whilst you're away. If he then decides it's not possible he should be the one to arrange whether they go to your family for the night etc. I do think it's odd if he's wanting them to stay for family for the full weekend when he doesn't know for sure he's having to work. You would have thought he'd want to aim spend at least one afternoon with them.

I guess it depends how quickly he needs to be at work if an issue comes up. If he needs to be there quickly and family live hours away then that does make more sense for them to stay with family just in case.

I'm with you. We have 3 and my husband does look after them. First time he had them all that I remember for a long weekend they were 4, 6 and 8. My parents are in the city in case they are needed. However, it is up to your husband how he plans to manage this and to make his own arrangements. I would definitely lose respect for him if he can't do it. But 3 young kids do require practise and if he isn't practised because you do it all then you need to ease him in....

Don't underestimate waking up every day with the burden of responsibility of funding 51 mortgages/rents. Running a business is often a 7 day week job - it's rarely possible just to switch off. And yes agree with @PermanentTemporary - he's a business owner, not self employed. He's probably facing a lot of the challenges impacting small businesses right now - uncertain trading environment, increased costs, higher taxation.

I think OP is being unfair here - he's not shirking parental responsibilities; he's taking them seriously. Neither of you can afford to run into major issues with his business. If there are other childcare options then that's probably better all round.

And for all of those saying there's something wrong with how he's running his business if he can't leave it for a couple of days - you likely have no idea how challenging it is to run a low margin business. There is little room for additional resource.

How old are they?

I don’t see the point in making life difficult for the sake of a principle, to be honest. I know some would - fine, but that’s not how marriage , respect and love should work IMO.

Do you ever have family holidays @Plasey

Have some posters missed the bit where the DH has been away for recreation at the weekends, who covers work then @Plasey

I couldn’t imagine being shackled to someone I wouldn’t leave my children with. What a sad sack he is if he won’t even look after his own children at the weekend.

If you are talking about a weekend away between now and Christmas that's not a great time for many businesses. I wouldn't want to add stress on to my DH for a matter of principle at this time of the year (or any time really, bur particularly not now).

What is it with MN this week. The number of apologists for the male species.

Her DH should be capable of parenting solo for one weekend of the year. One weekend where he needs to commit to his family.

If he's saying he can't there's something wrong with how he's running his business.

How old are the children?

I think if I’m honest that putting he’s ’self employed’ is a bit disingenuous, like he’s an accountant with clients whose work he can flex. He’s a business owner. He’s telling you that relying on him to be free for two solid days (two nights? Three?) isn’t solid childcare. I get that you don’t like that but it’s true.

So reluctantly I am saying I’m team DH, up to a point. I do think he should be able to come up with a solution that he takes care of himself. Where’s his family in all this?

Never have more kids than you can look after on your own as you don’t know what may happen. if he can’t handle looking after his own kids with no help for 2 days then he shouldn’t be a parent of that many children. I can see why you are doing it in principle, I would want to know that if anything happened to me that he would be able to cope with the kids if my family weren’t available. I would also be embarrassed about approaching my family to say the man I chose to have kids with isnt capable of looking after them for 2 days, can you help?

I think you need to give a lot more information for anyone to say.
How often does he have to go in on a weekend? What would you propose if he did have to go in? What would he do with the kids?

Of course he should be able to do this. Giving your team the skills and training to manage emergencies without you is part of being a leader. It sounds like he hasn't learned to delegate properly because he's always known he doesn't have any commitments that he can't drop for the business. Keep your parents on standby if needed, but I think it's important for him and the kids that he also parents.

A compromise is possible surely. Have someone to help for a few hours during the afternoons so dh can take a break or catch up on work. I don't think someone with that level of responsibility should take on 48 hours childcare with the constant stress of not knowing when he will be called upon. He needs a break but so do you. If a work crisis arises then he can call on family but have a back up plan in place, it's probably just for peace of mind as much as anything.

This is what I would have done if dh was away i would have happily sent them to grandparents and had a weekend to myself

So he “helps out” with the DC’s but doesn’t actually do any parenting?

They shouldn't be the default but a weekend off parenting is nice for anyone surely. You're the one going off. This is purely on principle. If you feel hes not doing enough parenting when he is home or not appreciated in your sahm role that's a different conversation. If my parents were happy to have my kids for the occasional weekend id love them to! The trip shouldn't depend on childcare but even 1 of the 2 nights would be nice, you can both have a break.