Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

.

He seems to manage just fine for his weekends away!

I absolutely agree here!!

He needs to start managing his time and staff better.

Does he get called into work on his weekends away by himself? Does he have to then dump his plans and travel back to go in to work? If so then fair enough. If not, it seems he can guarantee a work free weekend for himself but not for you

Why would you assume the business is doing amazingly?

I don't think this should be a debate of working or not working wife,.

So because he earns"the money" he gets to opt out of looking after his own children for 2 days because "money" he doesn't even sound like he is offering a solution to his wife wanting to go on her weekend, because he is far to busy and stressed and important to worry about trivial things like his children!

YABU and if I were him I would be very disappointed and angry with you. If the issue is you feel he doesn’t appreciate what you do that is separate but on the face of it it sounds like you just want him to suffer. What would be your reaction if he suddenly asked you to fully run the business for a weekend while he went off with the kids for a break? You’ve got clearly defined roles and if you want that to change have a discussion, don’t spring sudden ultimatums or responsibilities on him.

He 'helps out' by financially providing for the whole family, ensuring the OP doesn't need to worry about working, which isn't the case for most women.

Honestly, the minimisation of the importance of earning a family's money on this website is truly ridiculous. If H loses his business, OP wouldn't even be able to afford to go on her weekend break in the first place

Oh please, HE DECIDED TO HAVE CHILDREN, they are HIS responsibility. How do you think they feel knowing their dad would rather dump them on female relatives all weekend just because he supposedly can't delegate at work properly for a single weekend? That he never prioritises them, never spends time with them alone?

Absolutely this. I had ran a business with 60+ employees. There were only one other partner and their skill set was completely different to mine - i couldn’t do their job and they couldn’t do mine. Margins were wafer thin and there just wasn’t capacity to duplicate job roles.

And yet their father doesn’t.

Sad really that you think it's natural for grandparents to feel this way but not their own father.

The OP has said that her family would help in a work emergency, so it's not that he can't it's that he can't be arsed to look after his own kids.

I would not be happy as a parent or sister to facilitate this

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. He is a parent as well as a boss. We all have to manage and juggle sometimes.

Let's face it, you could end up in hospital for a major op or even worse, what would he do then?

I can't even convince you otherwise can I?

Aww poor fella with his very important job i mean he has a wife who looks after everything family related but her well being doesn't matter because he is the most important person in the family!

Well it's probably quite likely if he's worrying about if and the OP acknowledge his worry.

As this thread demonstrates people are spectacularly unaware what running a small company can be like, and having 50 employees may be of very little use in an emergency to the OP's husband depending on what the structure of it is.

Why can’t someone else deal with the emergencies at work? It sounds like he’s become indispensable on a day to day basis, which would imply there being a crisis if he gets ill (or spends a weekend looking after his own children). Maybe, he needs to organise things at work differently/better.

I was a sahm and when I went anywhere dh was with the 3 dc on his own, however if his job meant that he is called into work then it would not really be possible for him to be with the children on his own unless he took leave so I would have to have family help out. You wanting something different doesn’t change the situation that he will most likely be called into work
I worked around dh’s job because while my time away was very important I didn’t fuck around with the job that kept the roof over our heads that’s just the way it was.

I can only imagine if I was the main breadwinner running a business how stressful it would be if my husband was demanding that I stay with the children while he goes somewhere knowing that I’d be called into work
. However if he uses work as an excuse to not parent the children that’s a different matter

So you’re a SAHM and you have parents and siblings who help you out, while he has a stressful business to run, responsibility for over 50 staff, works long hours during the week and then most weekends something will happen which require him to go in….
i can see who’s got the raw deal in this marriage and it’s not you.

If it's possible he might have to go into work you need a back up plan, same as a lot of working parents need back up childcare.

Given the kids are your job he could probably argue you should try and sort that, but anyway, between you, sort that - and then fine.

You are both being a bit unreasonable here - you know he's a stressed out small business owner so it's daft to pretend a plan B isn't needed, him because he's getting stressed rather than saying, fine but talk to XYZ and sort a plan B

I agree he should be able to manage he shouldn't need you to organise him, I get he has bussiness but what is the likelihood of something going so drastically wrong that he needs to rush in that another 50 people couldn't manage. I don't think because you are a SAHM that you should manage everything child related.

No it's different. When I was married we earned equally and as you say needed both salaries, but there is a safety net in not having all your eggs in one basket.

After DH died, and it was just me supporting the family, the pressure I felt on my job was enormous and completely different.

That doesn't sound like a great set up for you all. Him working all the time and on-call even at weekends which prevents him from doing anything more with his family and kids than "helping out" rather than, you know, parenting them, going on day trips with them etc. You doing everything at home and for the kids and unable to have a weekend off unless you sheep your 3 kids off to your family.

It's not a set up I would enjoy. Was this always the plan? On balance, does it work for you? Do you have any desire to change things up?

Can you have your family on stand by in case your DH gets called in? Does he enjoy spending time with the kids or do you feel that he uses work as an excuse to get out of the parts of parenting he doesn't enjoy?

I actually think you're being really unreasonable if there is someone else who can have the kids. His work supports your whole family while you dont work and i think you shouldn't cause him potential problems at work just because you've randomly decided you want to.