Should self employed husband be able to care for three kids for a weekend?

I have 3 kids and my husband is self employed. He is more than capable of looking after our 3 kids for the weekend and would take great offence to any suggestions otherwise.

I don't get the impression OP is "being so difficult" about this weekend. She'd just like her DH to parent their children. For a weekend. FFS.

edited to fix typo

Are the kids going to other women? Or other couples? That’s how I read it. Either way, I agree it’s not (in principal) the OP’s job to be responsible for childcare at all times just because she’s a SAHM but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to organising back up if needed given the OP will ultimately benefit from his successful business too.

Of course, he can. 😂 My Dh is a company director. He is our sole income at the moment as I have cancer, but normally I do work. He’s never not been able to look after the dc on his own. I’ve been to Australia for 2 weeks. All over Europe on solo holidays. To America. I go on holiday and leave him home for a week usually once a year or more. We have never had any help. He’s a very successful entrepreneur. He’s built a company from the ground up that’s now hugely profitable. He is perfectly capable of doing the school run and homework and cooking meals without me there.

All he and the OP have to do as per previous post, is organise a back up plan, so if he does get called in there is something in place. That way she can go away and he can look after the kids without panicing about cover. They have both been unreasonable not to have figured this out.

Not all small businesses allow for delegation depending on the structure. Running then is like living on a perpetual knife edge. He and the OP jointly decided (one assumes) to have kids and that she would give up work. This does have consequences

I think what is really problematic to me is that the DH's clear view - and this is an important principle the OP should make a stand on - is that the kids aren't his responsibility to look after. That if the OP isn't there, other women should deal with them.

It isn't that he has considered and rejected the idea of organising things so that he can look after his own children, he just thinks her family should be the default over him

Yeah but self employed people can obviously make themselves unavailable any time, the question is, at what cost? The Op talks about him making arrangement when he goes away, or when they go away as a family. It’s not a case of can he? But rather is it good for all of them if he does? It didn’t seem sensible to me for family to take care of the kids all w/e ‘just in case’ but to arrange some contingency seems reasonable for everyone.

Well the OP has said that he manages to take weekends off work for things he wants to do. So it clearly isn't detrimental.

It is just that looking after his children isn't something he wants to do.

This seems like a sensible and proportionate solution.

it’s easy to say ‘he’s not parenting his kids!’ (It doesn’t sound like that’s the case from what the OP has said) but things are complicated by her DH running his own business. The whole family presumably benefits from that so the real questions is; would it be detrimental for him to not be able to attend work for a weekend (even in the event of an emergency)? Or is he just opting out of childcare?

What about the children? Do you not think they deserve to spend time with their father?

Utterly ridiculous hyperbole. This whole thread is bonkers. We aren’t talking about a family on the breadline here, where absolutely obviously if it was a choice between the family eating food or the op going on a weekend away, the work would take priority. All utterly irrelevant to a thread where the husband GOES ON HIS OWN WEEKENDS AWAY WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT and the op stays home to look after their children. The op is simply asking for the same.

What are you talking about? He doesn't know if he might be needed or not. And since when did paying bills mean you can delegate care for your children to other women in the family? What if they work and pay bills too, why is it more their job than his?

What? You seriously think if one parent is a sahp that they should do everything - EVEN when both parents are off on a weekend?!? That is batshit, and riddled with misogyny given its normally women who are the unpaid caregivers. It would also result in one parent having zero relationship with their children.

I would say he should be on call for the weekend but he can call your parents if there’s a genuine emergency.

Oh and if she was a GP for some time before children, she has substantially contributed to their finances and overall financial position - even if she is not currently getting a salary.

Hysteria. The business is not going to collapse because he is not available for a weekend.

This - especially with a staff of 50!

Sounds like another man who wants kids but does not want to be a father.

I don't think whether she works or not makes a blind bit of difference - it isn't really about that. If she worked, he would still expect her/her mum/sister/women in his life to do all the parenting. He wouldn't suddenly become a decent parent, it would just make her more stressed

And this scaremongering around a weekend meaning a business this size goes down is also ridiculous. It is absolutely not risking their livelihood for him to take one weekend off, something he already does for things that are important to him (his hobbies, not his children)

Paying the bills has a much bigger impact on children than whether their father looks after them on a weekend or not, as their father paying the bills is what keeps them fed, housed and clothed. The OP has said her H is involved with the children when he's not working anyway, but on this occasion he cannot leave his business because then none of them (including the OP) would have money to eat

Yes, it would be a shit job. Which is why being a SAHM is a bad idea. OP is just being contrarian for the sake of it. If I were her husband, I would tell her to get back to work.

I’m with you. I assume he was on board with having 3 kids. He should be able to look after them for 2 days and organise himself at work to be spared (for majority of the time of a weekend)

Surely your husband runs a small business (albeit a large, small business) as opposed to being self-employed.

There are things you've not said - what he does and why he might have to go into work at the weekend.

I strongly suspeect that you like the money and the ability to be a stay at home mum. The flip-side is that he works 5 days a week, and often has to do more on top so you are effectively primary carer 24/7.

IMHO YABVU to bring up your dislike of the whole set-up just because you want a weekend away. Forget the weekend away... sit down when you have time and have a long chat about what you want and need from him in terms of support in evenings and weekends. Then he can reply explaining either why it is impossible or what he (and you) will have to give up in order to make it happen, and how long making it happen will take.

@AliceMaforethought You mean

• if mum is a SAHM, then dad doesn’t get to be a father? He is supposed to only be a provider that vaguely drops in a few times but with no responsibility in how his dcs are growing or being parented (because that’s mum’s Job). That’s an interested take. If I was a father, I would balk at that. I’d hope the OP’s dh would do
• but also if you’re a SAHM, your job is 24/7, 365 days a year. No hols, no downtime. Nothing unless she organises it AND it doesn’t require the father to babysit for a bit. Not even for 1% of the year. That’s an interesting take too. I can see why you refuse to ever consider becoming a SAHM. Itd be a shit job for anyone.