£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

Does your town have any Facebook acts of kindness or giving pages? If so, get on there and ask if anyone is giving away any of the things you want. You might be surprised by how generous people are.

They have no wider family so this is all the kids will get

This is a normal spend per child in my world. It is only on MN that I see people spending ££££ and buying great mountains of presents and Christmas Eve boxes etc.

No you’re not. It’s absolutely plenty. It’s what I spend. Always manage to get some nice gifts for mine.

i dont think it is an voteable question
£100 is plenty

you dont have to buy everything on the list

At their ages I would tell them the truth, dad’s not contributing anything towards your presents so I have got £100 to spend on each of you, so if you can tell what item you’d like the most. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Yes, this.

Poor OP, treated badly by her ex, worried about her kids' Christmas, trying hard as a single mum, and then scolded and lectured by several Ebenezer Scrooges.

I wish her and her teenagers a lot of love and luck, and hope things turn around financially for her very soon.

Christmas is not about lots of expensive gifts. It's not supposed to be.

If all that you can budget is £100 per kid then that's it. If you are putting a roof over their head and food on the table and that's really as far as you can stretch it without going into debt, okay.

17 and a 15-year-old are old enough that they don't believe in Santa Claus, they know how it works. I know it will seem awfully anti-Christmas not to have a surprises under the tree but how about giving the girls the money and say let's go out together and shop for what you like, I'll wrap it up and put it under the tree for Christmas. That way they can budget how much they want to spend. So for instance if the second daughter wants A record player and beauty stuff and a expensive trainers and a Polaroid... You say this is the money, decide what you want to buy. Or where you want to buy it from. Give her the opportunity to look through flyers or online specials, you probably don't have the time, if she really really wants these things and she knows exactly how much money is in hand, that gives her the chance to be a savvy shopper.

It sucks but we all have limits, they're not so young that they can't learn how to shop within a budget. You don't have to feel bad about this. Don't forget, it was only a couple of generations ago if that where kids got a piece of candy, a satsuma, some new stockings for Christmas, and not much more. More has become the name of the game it's all about more more more and more. That's why I am turning away from modern Christmas, is just getting out of hand.

This is the best piano I’ve found for your budget: eBay also offer pay in 3 https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/226067737358

Try and pick up the record player, books and Polaroid on Vinted

as for the trainers - is there any chance you could get them on a website that allows you to pay in 3?

Oh and I wouldn’t go getting into debt over it. Sometimes we have to lower our expectations and that’s ok.

I think you’re going to have to sit down with them and explain what’s happened and they now need to rethink what they would like. I would not be pleased with their father. It’s one thing not to be able to afford £400, but it’s quite another to give them nothing for Christmas at all.

I’d try and find a good weighted keyboard second hand. You might find better quality second hand than buying new.

Does your DD1 work? Mine didn’t but I think it’s a good thing if they can get a Saturday job then they can buy their own make up and save up for trainers which takes the pressure off you. Not easy being a single parent when the dad doesn’t do his bit.

£300 per child is pretty excessive. £100 is fine, just pick a few things from the lists. They don’t need to get everything that they’ve asked for. When I was a teenager, I had a part-time job and bought the things that I wanted. I would never have asked my parents for stuff because I knew that money was tight, let alone give them a list like that. It sounds like you haven’t been open with them about how tight things are.

Although your DD is only working one day, presumably she’s living at home and has no expenses, so it’s all just spending money. I felt quite well off on my part-time job as a teen.

I understand that it’s not the budget you expected, but it’s not exactly a Christmas in poverty either. Some children get nothing.

Second hand wrapped up as something new? As long as it works shouldn’t be an issue and don’t feel bad so many people in the same position

I understand completely OP. I too am in a situation where it's just me providing Christmas as their father has completely abandoned them. They haven’t received so much as a text message from him in years (in fact he blocked us on everything). I try to do as much as I can at Christmas as the gifts I give them are literally the only things they will get, aside from small presents from their own friends. My family don't really do presents and obviously ex's don't do anything. So I do really get you.
I also feel quite angry at your ex for pulling this stunt in December. Why can't he buy one of their presents themselves? Can he not even give £20 each to his children? Must be great to be the parent who gets to say he just doesn't have it. Even if he told you a few months back you could have planned a bit. I can only imagine that you were planning to get these things well within budget and that has changed.
Also your lists do not sound greedy to me and certainly not for teenagers! Really they're just looking for one substantial gift each - not sure how that is entitled.
I think you should explain what has happened to your children and ask them to prioritise accordingly. Could you post on local selling pages to see if someone had a keyboard? Vinted might be a good option for some trainers. After Christmas sales for makeup and books?
I'm sorry this has happened and there is nothing wrong in wanting to "spoil" your kids a little, especially when it's not easy to do so throughout the year.

I haven't read the full thread im only on page 2 so it may have already been mentioned but you could use Klarna, it has options to either pay in 3 or pay in full im 30 days so that way you might be able to spend a bit extra if you spread the cost and theres no interest either.

We don't spend that much on ours, so I think you're putting the pressure on yourself. Max we've ever spent per child is £200, including stocking fillers, etc. Last year was £145-150. This year will be approx £140 each.

I think people often spend way too much on their kids nowadays.
Explain to the dc that things have changed, ask them to prioritise their items in order of most wanted 1st, and instead, make some memories that don't cost much, eg, movie nights, baking together, board games, etc.

Op I disagree with the ‘your kids are old enough to be told’ thing- as parents we know what the world is- all the kids need is ‘Wohoo Christmas!’If the piano is the full budget then that’s the golden present, for dd2 the runners can be taken out and you can figure out possibly getting them later in the year for example. You say their friends will be getting all this amazing stuff- maybe they will and possibly they’ll be so used to getting stuff they won’t care. As people on mn say Christmas is things like board games tv and sweets. Get into the Christmas spirit and don’t apologise for what you’re doing/ have done and ye will have a lovely Christmas. Even if your kids notice/ care, it’ll be forgotten in all the madness and excitement. Hugs x

I admit I’m ancient. Some of my most treasured Christmas memories include…
Making Christmas tree ornaments
Baking Christmas cookies
Decorating the gingerbread house I baked and constructed every year
Going to the Children’s Christmas service at our local church

This is just so needlessly unpleasant. At what point has the OP suggested her children are spoilt, ungrateful or entitled? They live with a single parent, I think it very unlikely they don’t already know you don’t always get everything you want.

They asked for a few things well within the expected budget. It’s entirely normal for children, even older children, to feel a little disappointed if that budget is more than halved.

It’s very interesting to me how many incredibly mean-spirited people are posting about the true meaning of Christmas etc. I can only suggest they start living their words.

I hope you are not.

Some responses here make me think “give your head a wobble “…

The huge amounts and piles of presents that some families seem locked into feels unbelievable sometimes.

They're old enough for a family conference. Sit down together and explain their father has decided not to give them anything this year, and has chosen not to explain why. They will almost certainly know what he is by now.

Explain that you have saved £100 for each of them - and give it to them. Let them plan with you and each other how they'll budget and spend the money. Helping and teaching and guiding them to do this is building a skill they will always value, and one which it seems their feckless dad lacks.

Whatever his reasons - maybe the business has tanked, the taxman has caught up with him, he has a new relationship and there's extra responsibilities looming - let them know that you are the parent who stayed, who provides, who's dependable.

Happy Christmas to all three of you.

Can you sell anything on vinted or eBay or marketplace? I made £100 last couple weeks selling bits x

TBF your children sound a bit grabby and entitled. £100 is more than enough to spend on Christmas presents the world has gone mad. Our children got second hand laptops mid secondary school age and only then because it was lockdown.

Have a chat to them both discuss budget and what they most want. Will the child who really wants a piano accept a second hand one is it not a priority or is she happy to contribute etc.

Don’t feel bad OP. Christmas gift giving and keeping up with the Joneses has got totally out of hand.