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Original poster

£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

411 replies

ClypoClimb · 09/12/2025 19:41

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
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6
Milsie892 · 10/12/2025 12:59

ClypoClimb · 09/12/2025 19:41

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

I’m sorry this has happened to you just before Christmas. Could you afford to pay for items over a few months? If so Klarna or Zilch could be worth trying. That’s how I purchase some of my larger Christmas gifts then they take a monthly instalment over 3 months. Only do what you can afford though if you do use them. I have found them good for birthdays too so you have smaller payments over a 3 month period.

user65342 · 10/12/2025 12:52

I’ve no advice other than what you have already received. Just wanted to say that it is disgusting how some fathers find it so easy to prioritise themselves and leave all the worry and expense of raising their children to someone else ( I have one of those exes too). Be honest with your DC, they will appreciate everything you are doing and will know who is there for them.

Twinsmamma · 10/12/2025 12:44

I know it’s far from ideal but would you not put the extra bits to the big gifts on a credit card and pay off early next year, that’s exactly what I’m doing as my first Christmas as a single parent. I can’t afford much and want them to have a few smaller bits for my kids to open, so I’m stretching my finances to do so! I’m fairly strict with repayments so Im happy to do so. Just a thought x

user1476613140 · 10/12/2025 12:24

Lay it to them straight. All of my DC (18, 15, 10 and 8) have been told we can't afford much this Christmas. We never get into debt for one day. Be honest with your teens, OP.

I am just matter of fact about the issue.

user1476613140 · 10/12/2025 12:16

Sorry OP just read your update.

user1476613140 · 10/12/2025 12:16

I put YABU because no parent needs to put this level of pressure on themselves. Many of those items listed can be bought after Christmas with money from relatives.

Stop being hard on yourself ❤️

Original poster
ClypoClimb · 10/12/2025 12:12

Thank you for everyone who was kind, and I do appreciate where the “£100 is plenty” comes from and I agree in normal circumstances it is plenty.

However my children have no other relatives to buy for them, they do not get any gifts or expensive items unless it is their birthday or Christmas (so no beauty items, no books, no extra shoes or clothes past what the absolutely need). I think it’s quite rare for teens to only get £100 worth of non essential items bought for them. My children don’t expect the entire list to be bought for them, but they do also plan the list with the knowledge of the budget (which was £300) at the time and knowing its the only non-essential items they will get until June/August.
I also think it’s pretty rare to be in a situation where there are no wider family buying gifts. I budget all year to save the £100 each and I know my children will understand but be disappointed that they aren’t getting their full budget.

OP posts:
Bedheadbeachbum · 10/12/2025 09:16

I've spent £80 each on my 6 and 3 year old but we have family buying presents too. Bracing myself on the expensive teenager years!

Definitely call up some music stores and even music teachers ,- look up some local piano teachers they might have something or know a student selling - I'm a guitar teacher and it's the kind of thing people would ask me.

Otherwise get your child a piano accessory and explain that you'll have to save up for the keyboard - maybe giving a date for that. I really hope you find something second hand because there are so many second hand instruments out there.

I hate all the financial pressure at Christmas. It's a lot isn't it? Maybe in the future we'll all decide a £100 limit.

MellowSnake · 10/12/2025 09:09

I’m not sure why there’s a handful of posters insisting this is poverty or ‘Victorian’ and then jumping on anyone who says it isn’t. I don’t think these people can have experienced poverty recently, because this isn’t it. I guess some people are just out of touch but it’s weird to see it!
Anyway, OP. You’ve had lots of excellent advice so I don’t think I can add anything. But I did just want to chime in and say what an ass their dad is to let you down so close to Christmas. That’s completely awful of him. I agree, explain situation to your daughters and find out what they’d like to happen with their £100 budget.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 10/12/2025 09:08

ClypoClimb · 09/12/2025 19:50

No I agree £300 per child is plenty but we no longer have £300 per child as their dad has let me down and is no longer contributing his £200 per child. So it will only be £100 per child.

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Only £100 per child, heavens forbid!

Sadcafe · 10/12/2025 09:07

Just be honest, they are old enough to understand, get them what you can afford and tell their Dad how he has not helped their Christmas

Onlinebutoffline · 10/12/2025 09:03

My no.1 advice, though, is do not get into debt for the sake of buying gifts for Christmas. When the dc were young (~10 years ago) we really struggled, and had £200 saved for all our Christmas/new year spending including food, gifts, trips, etc.
I got the dc 1 large gift, 1 medium and 1 small, plus a stocking each. The 3 main gifts were bought at charity shops and the stocking filters were from the pound shop. Both dc were sorted out for around £40-50, so £20-25 each. I bought the turkey reduced on Christmas eve, and we made lots of memories together that didn't cost the earth, eg, movie night with fancy hot choc and marshmallows, walks, board games, etc.

GingerBeverage · 10/12/2025 09:02

Haven't rtft but if ex isn't giving £200 each, can you negotiate for any amount at all?

ohthiscouldgetmessy · 10/12/2025 08:24

https://anydaydirect.com/products/glarry-gpp-101-88-key-full-size-semi-weighted-standard-electric-digital-piano-black?variant=45590068002969&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22587023673&gbraid=0AAAAAo6fhxQ_IMVQUV1YOGz9INb6616yx&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4YGyrsqykQMVTYBQBh2KiQ0kEAQYBCABEgJkWvD_BwE

www.argos.co.uk/product/3421545?utm_custom6=LIA&deeplink=true&gclsrc=aw.ds&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157|acid:416-707-6621|cid:20248059078|agid:|tid:|crid:|nw:x|rnd:4593180892173476487|dvc:c|adp:|mt:|loc:9044961&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20248059078&utm_term=3421545&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=&utm_custom2=416-707-6621&GPDP=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19663905000&gbraid=0AAAAAD9II9nHN7qYDI_7kr1rdvX5slORg&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5Mup2cqykQMVwZJQBh02-wHGEAQYAyABEgIyrPD_BwE

For the polaroid & Vinyl player, try Vinted, there are a lot on there

Glarry GPP-101 88 Key Full Size Semi-Weighted Standard Electric Digita

Features: ENDLESS MUSICAL EXPLORATION Come with 1000 rhythms, 150 built-in demo songs, and 2 high-fidelity speakers. Experience digital piano with 1000 tones, from concert grand pianos to synth pads, strings, and more, crafting your signature sound. Th...

https://anydaydirect.com/products/glarry-gpp-101-88-key-full-size-semi-weighted-standard-electric-digital-piano-black?country=GB&currency=GBP&gad_campaignid=22587023673&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAo6fhxQ_IMVQUV1YOGz9INb6616yx&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4YGyrsqykQMVTYBQBh2KiQ0kEAQYBCABEgJkWvD_BwE&variant=45590068002969

Rolensausage · 10/12/2025 08:12

I’d suggest you be honest with your girls and emphasise that Christmas can still be special with you all spending time together and enjoying each others company.
Regarding the keyboard, I got a really good ( Roland) electronic piano for my dd, secondhand from gumtree. It was fairly local so we went to see it, she played it to check it out and it’s been amazing.

You could suggest looking for a second hand one with her after Xmas, to spread the cost. Get her involved in looking for one as she will know what’s best for her needs.There may be more after Xmas as people will be selling unwanted or older items.

TinselAndSparkles · 10/12/2025 08:05

What’s his excuse? That’s disgusting behaviour from him. However, don’t beat yourself up, you’re giving your girls £100 more than he is. Don’t make any apologies for him, just enjoy the day with your girls. They’ll be happy with whatever you get them and knowing you love them.

MossAndLeaves · 10/12/2025 08:02

This has to be a personal decision based on affordability longer term, but in that situation I would use PayPal credit to do the 4 months interest free for the bigger 2 items and pay in 3 for the others.

LoopyLeela · 10/12/2025 07:47

This sounds difficult, I'm sorry. If he can't do 200.per daughter can he do 100 each? Emphasise to him thay this is a big deal.

EleanorReally · 10/12/2025 07:36

Crofthead · 10/12/2025 06:43

They have no wider family so this is all the kids will get

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makes no difference
they need to learn the value and not expect a pot of gold

weaselpatrol · 10/12/2025 07:27

cloudbusting12 · 09/12/2025 20:39

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/7717518809-crossley-portable-record-player

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/7734539280-polaroid

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/5881840325-polaroid-supercolor-635-camera-vintage-instant-camera-not-tested-with-case

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/7732017050-oyayo-folding-88-key-piano

Haven’t read the whole thread yet so not sure if this has already been pointed out.

Do not buy a second hand or vintage Polaroid! The modern day Polaroid film that you can buy now is not comparable with old Polaroid cameras. The one in that vinted listing you cannot buy film for anymore. The way that modern day Polaroid film works is different after a different company took over and revived the Polaroid brand. If buying one secondhand you need to check when it was made and if takes itype film.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 10/12/2025 07:17

Get what you can. Even small kids know you don't get everything from the list. Talk to your teens say Christmas is tight this year. Ask your daughter if. She wants the piano or the other stuff. You can prob afford the piano and the books ( try abe books or wob). Try vinted for the trainers.

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 07:13

WindsurfingDreams · 10/12/2025 07:10

It's not Scrooge like to spend £100 a head. It's just sensible. If you think the message of a Christmas Carol is that we should all spunk money we don't have on stuff we don't need them you really ought to actually read the book

Our kids will be the adults left dealing with the environmental implications of mindless consumerism.

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So true.

WindsurfingDreams · 10/12/2025 07:10

ohnotthisagain2020 · 10/12/2025 04:43

Yes, this.

Poor OP, treated badly by her ex, worried about her kids' Christmas, trying hard as a single mum, and then scolded and lectured by several Ebenezer Scrooges.

I wish her and her teenagers a lot of love and luck, and hope things turn around financially for her very soon.

Show quote history

It's not Scrooge like to spend £100 a head. It's just sensible. If you think the message of a Christmas Carol is that we should all spunk money we don't have on stuff we don't need them you really ought to actually read the book

Our kids will be the adults left dealing with the environmental implications of mindless consumerism.

PermanentTemporary · 10/12/2025 07:00

I’m fond of freecycle type sites and that’s fine but please don’t look for resources designed for low income families if you have £100 per child at Christmas.

Coconutter24 · 10/12/2025 06:58

At 17 and 15 they are definitely old enough to be sat down and explained the situation to them. I think it’s all you can do to lower their expectations. I’m sure they will be grateful for whatever they receive