Page 3 | £100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

ClypoClimb · 2025-12-09T19:41:24+00:00

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15. We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads. Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything. DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100. DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive). I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much. AIBU to feel like this?

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:36

Can I make a suggestion on going forward. Stop having the money off him to buy their gifts. When they give you a list tick off the ones you can buy & tell them to text the rest to their dad. He can either purchase them or he can transfer the money into their bank accounts for them (open them one if they already don’t have one). I think you’d half the guilt you’re feeling, I think by having all the responsibility of actually sourcing the gifts is making you feel more guilty & upset than it should. You’re shouldering his shame & the disappointment. I don’t think that fair. I also reckon when he has to let them down & he has to explain why, he may be less inclined to do it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/12/2025 19:24

I said it before but I really think sales is the way to go

get something small /stocking stuff so they have things to open but wait till 26th as will get so much more for their /your money

ContentedAlpaca · 10/12/2025 19:23

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:20

I’m so sorry it wasn’t meant at you. But the person you’re responding to. My bad. I was agreeing with you.

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No worries :)

potenial · 10/12/2025 19:22

agree with what others have said about being honest with them that their dad has failed to put in what he said he would, and you'll all need to adjust.
Shopping second hand and looking for good deals, using facebook market place are all also good tips.

Have you not started any shopping for them whatsoever yet? Most people seem to be pretty much finished by now, or just have a couple of stocking fillers left to get. [If their dad will be kicking in money in the future, then aim to get this by mid-October to allow you to shop when sales are on, and take advantage of black friday for any big gifts]
If you've got a few bits, first thing is to take stock and work out what you've got for each of them and make sure it's roughly even, or in line with what they're expecting.

If this was me, I'd be having an honest chat with them re dad letting them down, and what did they value most about Christmas? If there's stuff you usually do that you and them would be happy to skip or downgrade, so that funds could be re-allocated to the present budget this is the time to identify it (eg if none of you are bothered about mince pies and christmas pudding, then that might help to buy a couple of makeup bits. Or if you usually buy new xmas baubles but can reuse the old ones that might free up some funds).
Then I'd be asking 'what's the one thing you want most' and be aiming to buy that, and a few little things and stocking fillers - ideally things they will appreciate and want/use, so have that chat with them (would you rather have a pack of cheaper nail varnish in lots of colours, or one bottle of OPI? would you rather an unbranded big makeup set, or a branded mascara and eyeshadow?)

Have you got any friends that have watched them grow up? If so, chat to them and let them know that the girls' dad has let them down, and so christmas is gonna be a bit of a stretch, so if they happen to be planning to do out their wardrobes, make up drawers etc soon, you'd really appreciate anything they'd be able to pass on! If this was one of my friends, I'd definitely then consider buying the kids a present, even if I didn't usually, and wouldn't be expecting anything in return, and I'd also probably find a few bits from my wardrobe that I'd be happy to pass on! You could also ask friends to keep an eye on facebook marketplace etc for people giving away suitable stuff.

Thatsalineallright · 10/12/2025 19:22

BartholemewTheCat · 09/12/2025 23:26

Really? In this day and age, for teenagers? Do you buy your children throughout the year? OP’s children don’t have any gifts whatsoever outside of Christmas. Telling someone to “work harder to find something in budget” is a fucking dick move.

Lot of people on here subscribing to the “well in my day we had an orange in the stocking and sang around the ol’ Joanna and that was alright by us!” mindset, completely forgetting how utterly miserable it can be to be poor (if they ever knew).

As for posters saying they’d not be happy if their charity was given to OP and her children, are we going back to Victorian standards of the deserving poor? Only ones we deem acceptable can access the stuff we donate.

Merry Christmas innit.

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A 100 pounds is loads of money on presents. 300 is crazy to me, I've never spent that much on one child's presents and I have a solid income.

It really does come down to family habits/values/mindset. I agree it's miserable to be poor, but all the more reason not to follow any of the advice saying stick it on a credit card/klarna.

I think the kids would much prefer fewer presents but a relaxed, positive start to 2026 instead of lots of presents but then watching their mum stressing about paying back debt all through the first months of the year.

OP is completely reasonable to be angry and upset at her ex though. He's completely reneged on his promises.

Moonlightfrog · 10/12/2025 19:21

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 17:43

I agree that OP is in a tough spot and needs to explain the financial situation to her children.

It is also useful to differentiate between needs wants:

phones - if they genuinely need phones, get a basic Nokia or similar

make-up/perfumes - make-up maybe, but do they really need perfume?

musical instruments - can they be rented until they are sure they want to commit to learning? (Admittedly I’m ancient, but in my day, schools would rent out instruments.) Alternatively, look for second-hand….. but maybe not in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

sports equipment/other hobby equipment - as above, look for second-hand throughout the year.

Things like trainers and sports clothing - my kids always had generic rather than branded, or knock-offs from market stalls, even though we could have affordable Nike etc. They never complained. Throughout their childhood we focused on experiences rather than merchandise, and I know they were happy.

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Do Nokia phones still exist? All phones are now pretty expensive, even for reconditioned/used.

I feel for OP, it’s not that she only has £100 to spend per child, it’s that she probably told the. There was a £300 budget as the father was supposed to paying £200 per child, so now she feels she’s let them down when in fact their father has let them down. I am sure they will understand the situation (that their father is a waste of space) but OP can still feel the way she does, we all want our children to be happy.

I have spent more than £100 on each of mine and that was still buying 2nd hand items. Even the basic things like trainers, phones, a new coat etc… are still pretty pricy. The average price of a t-shirt now seems to be £20, trainers £50+, and phones £100+.

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:20

ContentedAlpaca · 10/12/2025 19:13

What?

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I’m so sorry it wasn’t meant at you. But the person you’re responding to. My bad. I was agreeing with you.

ContentedAlpaca · 10/12/2025 19:13

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:08

I know the one daughter actually wants to learn something. I found the contented alpaca abit mean spirited, almost bitter. Maybe her name is ironic

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What?

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:08

ContentedAlpaca · 10/12/2025 18:47

I don't think something to learn a new skill on is at all frivolous though and would want to get it if I could. Same with a record player. My son gets so much joy out of his and finding second hand vinyl for it.

Edited

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I know the one daughter actually wants to learn something. I found the contented alpaca abit mean spirited, almost bitter. Maybe her name is ironic

Fidgety31 · 10/12/2025 19:08

£100 won’t go far with a teenager . Maybe for toddlers yes but stuff costs a lot more when they get older !
OP - not much help now but I would never rely on a man for money . Save up throughout the year and then this won’t happen again.

Crispynoodle · 10/12/2025 19:05

So after Christmas tell the ex he will be dealing with his children and paying them directly into their accounts child maintenance etc. this solved the problem with my dead beat dad as he was too embarrassed to tell his DD

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 19:05

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

Do your boys have any other relatives to buy for them?

Do they get clothes throughout the year? Because she has literally said they don’t get trainers, make up or smellies throughout the year. They have to wait to get certain bits they actually need for birthday & Christmas

Piknik · 10/12/2025 19:02

Send their dad a message.

Hi X

I take it from your message that you are struggling financially this year... So am I. Our girls have made modest lists but I cannot cover them alone - even scouting for second hand items as I am. They understand that they can't have everything on the list but I would hope to get them more than one thing as there is no wider family to contribute or gift (as you know). So on that basis, can you please let me know what you can offer/put in? If it's only £150 or £100 rather than the original promised £200, then so be it, but the long and short of it is, I cannot make my money stretch any further than it already is - and they deserve a contribution from their dad.

Let me know please
Thank you
OP

Cuwins · 10/12/2025 19:01

Jugendstiel · 10/12/2025 15:39

It infuriates me that you are the one feeling bad when he is the one who is letting them down. Please be honest with them and explain that he has said this. It may hurt but they deserve to know you are doing your best and that he is the one letting them down.

Can you call him and ask him to reconsider, and say they ask for almost nothing and he contributes so little, can he please keep this promise so you can buy some of the things on their list that they most want.

OP, sign up for Freecycle and join as many local groups as you can, including any in reachable towns, and ask for an electric piano. I have received one before. and given two away via Freecycle. You are not limited to seeing what is on offer. You can list a wanted item. And you're not limited to your own local group. You can ask in neighbouring groups. If you can get to an area to collect it, then include that area in your search. people may still be doing clear outs.

Check every local site regularly - at least once a day, and contact people politely, promising when you can collect. If it's an item you really would like for your DC, always say, if this item has already been offered to someone who then doesn't collect it, please do think of me, as I am still very interested and happy to collect at your convenience. Lots of people get let down on freecycle and you can get good things by promising to be reliable.

If you can't get anything worthwhile in this way, then look for the items that cost around £60-70 on their lists and buy one each as the main present, then use the remaining £30 to do a really nice stocking of small items from their lists and a couple of small surprises - even if it's just a 99p face mask from Superdrug or poundstore make up brushes.

To add to this look on Facebook for local free pages: ‘freebay’, ‘before the tip’ and then your town name you will be amazed at what some people give away

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 18:58

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:17

All these things they’re asking for are bells and whistles. They’re old enough to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and they can’t just go around asking for things that are way over budget. They also need to learn how to live within your family’s means. They need to have reasonable expectations for gifts!

Aren’t you full of the joys of Christmas. Her kids don’t sound demanding. They wait till Christmas before getting new trainers etc. where I’d suggest most kids take for granted they’ll get a new pair as needed. I think you’re missing the point. They get to choose & have what they want twice a year. It’s the only time their wants are indulged. She’s posted how her kids understand this & very likely to understand their Christmas budget not being as promised. They’re going to feel disappointed & the mom feels terrible for it. All understandable, no?

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:51

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

So your teen doesn’t own anything over the value of £100 then?

ContentedAlpaca · 10/12/2025 18:47

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

I don't think something to learn a new skill on is at all frivolous though and would want to get it if I could. Same with a record player. My son gets so much joy out of his and finding second hand vinyl for it.

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:24

ClypoClimb · 09/12/2025 20:05

Yes we tend to pool money, he doesn’t see them often as we live in rural Scotland and he lives in london now. He sees them maybe once a year and never around Christmas.

I know their is nothing inherently wrong with £100 each, I guess I just know many of their friends will be getting expensive clothes, bikes, tech etc. and feel sad I can’t do what I was hoping too.

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My mom once said to me “I feel bad that you can’t fly first-class to uni like my friend’s child” and I looked at her like she had two heads. It had never occurred to me to compare lifestyles in different stratospheres. Your guilt is your own and likely unfounded. Your children may not feel that way at all.

axolotlfloof · 10/12/2025 18:24

I wouldn't spend more than £100 even if I can afford it.
They are asking for far too much.
Tell them they can have gifts up to the value of £100 and they can prioritise what they would like.
My 18 y o has sent me a link for a £40 gift, he will get a few stocking fillers and maybe some cash if I am spending more on is brother.
He wouldn't expect the gifts your daughter is asking for.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:21

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:17

All these things they’re asking for are bells and whistles. They’re old enough to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and they can’t just go around asking for things that are way over budget. They also need to learn how to live within your family’s means. They need to have reasonable expectations for gifts!

They did. They had a budget of £300. Their dad has let them down. It’s not the kids fault so I don’t think it’s fair to imply they’re being unreasonable for asking for presents within a budget their dad has let them down on

TicklishLion · 10/12/2025 18:17

All these things they’re asking for are bells and whistles. They’re old enough to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and they can’t just go around asking for things that are way over budget. They also need to learn how to live within your family’s means. They need to have reasonable expectations for gifts!

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:16

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 18:08

It is if the budget is limited and the other parent is being an Rshole.

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She’s got a budget of £100 yet you’re telling her her kids don’t need any of the things they want. Perfume - don’t need it. Trainers - knock offs. Musical instruments - rent them,

Merry Christmas kids! Here’s some Nikey trainers and a keyboard I’ve rented for a week.

It just feels a bit patronising to suggest that her kids should have to consider needs and not wants for Christmas. It’s rubbish her ex has let her down. But her kids are allowed to want some nice things

musicinme · 10/12/2025 18:12

NoisyViewer · 10/12/2025 17:25

How old are your adult kids? My nieces & nephews would have roughly £50 each spent on them from their parents. It stretched alot further than a £100 now. Trainers have doubled in price. The only thing that’s roughly stayed the same is possibly makeup. I assume your kids had family to buy them things. I get to distribute their Christmas list to grandparents & aunts & uncles. She doesn’t. So the whole of their Christmas pot is just that £100. I don’t think her posts were aimed at making you feel bad. Her ex has let her down with the money

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Yes, it's not about me of course, but I wrote without thinking really. Yes, I suppose it was about £50/£60 each back then, but thankfully they never asked for branded goods or expensive trainers. Thankfully nor do grandchildren - who I do spoil throughout the year.

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 18:08

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:04

It’s Christmas. It’s not about needs and wants. It’s about treating her lovely kids at Christmas

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It is if the budget is limited and the other parent is being an Rshole.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 10/12/2025 18:04

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 17:43

I agree that OP is in a tough spot and needs to explain the financial situation to her children.

It is also useful to differentiate between needs wants:

phones - if they genuinely need phones, get a basic Nokia or similar

make-up/perfumes - make-up maybe, but do they really need perfume?

musical instruments - can they be rented until they are sure they want to commit to learning? (Admittedly I’m ancient, but in my day, schools would rent out instruments.) Alternatively, look for second-hand….. but maybe not in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

sports equipment/other hobby equipment - as above, look for second-hand throughout the year.

Things like trainers and sports clothing - my kids always had generic rather than branded, or knock-offs from market stalls, even though we could have affordable Nike etc. They never complained. Throughout their childhood we focused on experiences rather than merchandise, and I know they were happy.

Show quote history

It’s Christmas. It’s not about needs and wants. It’s about treating her lovely kids at Christmas