to have weird feelings about friend's silence re. sudden wealth

I agree with you except for the last sentence. That's just not true.

People who know how to behave are friends with people who also know how to behave. That's it.

I mean what actual difference would it make if she told you :

"Oh hubbys family are heir to a shipping empire".

"We won it in Vegas".

"We won 7 million on the lottery".

It makes absolutely zero difference other than satisfy your personal nosiness/curiosity.

At the end of the day she has got the money and that's the end of it. Either you can get over the fact she is going to live a lifestyle considerably different to you or you can't*.

*most people can't. And that's why rich people generally aren't friends with poor people.

I married someone with a lot of resources, and I've also worked hard in my career. Because of that, my circumstances quite quickly started to look very different from those of my family and friends.

The comments and assumptions I got from all angles were painful. People asked all sorts of rude and invasive questions - "How much did your house cost EXACTLY?" "Now that I imagine you've got infinite money, can you buy me a...?" "Oooh, dish the dirt about your husband's family!". People I loved and respected were suddenly behaving like utter boors around my husband and me. It was a shock and a disappointment, and it is still exhausting to navigate.

Maybe your friend sees you, her close friend, as an island of sanctuary from all that. I think you should take her lead and keep it that way.

I love this and feel the same. You dont owe anyone an explanation and if they dont like it, well then they can fuck right off.

Nosiness and entitlement is not an attractive friendship quality.

20 years ago there were times I had absolutely no money whatsoever. I mean none. No milk in the fridge money. Kids were well fed tk fk but on a v v tight budget. Bills were always rob Peter to pay Paul. Behind on the mortgage.
In about 18 months we are on track to have significant income increase circa 4 to 5 million.
My sister will know how. Ill tell my best friend. I have other pals but I wont be disclosing anything to them.
Anyone else can whistle and wonder and if they ask they will be told with a chuckle ' mind your own business '.
And i couldn't give a shit if it drives them nuts. Its not their business.

Oh very “outing”, all of us will now guess who the poster is.

Who SAYS you’re not supposed to mention it? Sure don’t be crass (“so just how did you afford all this then??”) but if you are good mates it’s ok to talk about money a bit. Don’t be so British and uptight, I’d say.

But people DO give a shit! This thread is literally full of people saying how disappointed and betrayed they'd be in their friends if they came into money and didnt explain it to them. People are saying they'd feel disappointed and that close friends ought share everything, even private financial stuff so people clearly do care and OP clearly cares too otherwise she wouldnt be feeling odd about it either

What would her "saying something" about her bigger house look like to you, OP?

I'm sorry, perhaps this isn't the case, but your post comes across as pure nosiness dressed up as innocent concern/bewilderment.

I hope this is a joke, because... don't do this.

OP some cultures don't talk about money. Could this be it? You sound quite nosey, talking to dog walkers about finances etc. Bit money obsessed?

He’s a GP and they presumably had an inheritance.

it’s no surprise that they have a nice house.

And everybody lives in a crappy rental when they start out - why would they waste money on a nice rental when they were presumably saving for a place of their own.

I don’t see any issue. All seems very standard to me.

Also, describing your friend and your other friend as “lovely” does nothing to detract from the fact that you are being nosey and jealous.

edited to add - having read a few more of your posts you don’t seem jealous, so I’m sorry, my post above was harsh.

I would assume they have inherited a lot. But I guess as you haven’t mentioned it either she just hasn’t brought it up.

You see and admire their lovely new houses, Op.

You can't see their level of debt though.
Some people can service large mortgages and are comfortable being in a lot of debt..
It's either a windfall, as you suspect, or the bank still owns the majority of those homes.

Rich or poor, they are obviosly good friends; you are fortunate.

She clearly bright and driven. So what? She’s also discreet!

But no one’s interested in your mortgage advisor! If you had a viewing of a house you loved and desperately wanted on sight, sure, you might talk about it, especially if it was not what you’d thought you wanted, or the time you walked in on a sleeping, hungover teenager or a sex dungeon during a viewing, but no one wants to hear endless accounts of how you liked 24 Barfield Rd but your sofa wouldn’t fit in the living room, or how 72 The Meadows had no kerb appeal.

I have a very good friend I’ve known for about 30 years, and on two occasions I’ve travelled to another part of the country to go househunting with her. The second time was for a second home. We are very close. I’ve visited her in a psych unit when she had a breakdown. I’m her son’s godmother. I have never expected or required an explanation of where the money came from for the second home — a beautiful cottage in a gorgeous place. She’s estranged from her rich parents, who, last I’d heard, were planning to disinherit her. It’s possible they gave her money as a payoff, or that it wasn’t possible to divert an investment from her grandparents etc. I haven’t asked. It’s not eating me up.

As she was doing a STEM PhD she may very well have been paid by a company to do research. DH PhD was sponsored by a multinational. He was paid the equivalent in today’s money of about 30k. A fellowship where DH and I worked around 35k to 40k. So whilst not mega bucks it’s something.

It's not really your business I guess, but I find it odd! I have lots of friends, but two besties. Me and my two besties share everything, even financial info. I know exactly whose parents has helped them and where, who has what savings etc. To me it's just not mega personal information, I'm not money laundering or doing anything wrong. I work full time. My dad has helped me with a housing deposit, and I don't care if others know 🤷

Some people are more private about finances than others. She may not want to chat about it, as in the UK it could be seen as bragging about her wealth. I also wonder if it's generational. My parents (late 60's and early 80's) would never dream of discussing finances. Whereas no one my age (32) seems to care. Even amongst my wider friendship circle, people will casually mention they're broke, or chat about an expensive purchase they made. As long as everyone is respectful of others and not bragging, who cares 🤷

The real weird part here is that you didn't even know she's moved! No matter your opinion on finances, that is a weird thing to not share with a friend!

That's a tricky one, but honestly, your reaction makes total sense. It is weird when a friend’s life changes that dramatically and no one ever acknowledges it. But chances are they’re private about money or just don’t want to make things awkward, not hiding anything from you personally, so I wouldn't give it much thought.
If the friendship still feels good, I’d just let the houses be background noise. Your feelings are valid, but her silence is probably more about her own comfort than anything to do with you.

How weird- I grew up in NY and have moved back and been living there for years as an adult. No one has ever once asked me about my income, the value of my house, or anything to do with golf. Perhaps your son is in a career and group of friends which are really unpleasant.

Friends share stuff with each other

Yeah I think it's almost.more strange that the friend doesn't even tell you when they are buying a new house and just sends an address for the next meet up at a completely different house.
Even not close friends and colleagues talk about going to viewings or seeing a mortgage advisor when they are buying a house let alone a good friend

But nothing has changed. What my friends earn or inherit and the size of the house they live in has nothing to do with our friendship. It doesn't need to be talked about.

When DP and I bought our place, it might have been bigger than some people expected (nowhere near mansion-sized though). The reasons were fairly mundane (unexpected leap in salary and unexpected inheritance for me, a lot of savings for him that you wouldn't think based on his actual lifestyle). It would feel really weird to volunteer all of that without being asked. And no one asked, presumably because they also find it uninteresting.

I’m not British but lived there for many years, and I prefer British begrudgery to wealth fawning. I mean, if it were an either/or choice.

Why would that be ‘outing’? 😂

Then why are you living here if it is so awful?

It is not outing you are not the only person to have lived in New York and HongKong believe it or not.

In Britain, everyone who gets wealthy is viewed with suspicion as if they ripped someone off. Everyone? Really? Most folk couldn't give a shit and are too busy getting on with their daily lives.

You clearly hate the place so it begs the question when will you be leaving?

It’s only the OP making it an elephant in the room, though, by appearing to think it’s some kind of forbidden subject, or that her friend is holding out on her by not explaining to her exactly how she afforded her houses.

We can have no idea what her friend thinks. Maybe she feels awkward about the possible inheritance being from her DH’s family, or from a member of her DH’s family she always disliked. Maybe it was a lottery win she told no one about because of a potential queue of family begging. Or maybe, given that she seems not to work and to be an eternal research student, she is just not money-minded, and mentally classes all that stuff as ‘not my issue’, or is slightly ashamed she’s not self-supporting, so doesn’t want to think about that stuff.

There could be all kinds of reasons she’s not bubbling over with explanations, and as the OP hasn’t mentioned it either, the friend can have no idea it’s eating her up with thwarted curiosity, to the point of posting on the internet about it.